Cliche I know, but this has really been bothering me lately.
It seems recently that the concept/practice of marriage is losing it's meaning.
It's losing it's happiness and it's necessity to bring man in general a bounty of happiness and completeness.
Between articles showing that my generation doesn't view marriage as important-becoming obsolete.....
Or hearing of more people that consider marriage a tax break or "just paperwork"......
Or those who abuse their role in their marriage to feed their insecurities at the expense of others...
I could go on, but all this just feeds fuel to my fire....
Yesterday the dreaded "horrible" news arose yet again, some more celebrity couples are breaking up.
This time, as sad as this sounds, these highlighted couples made me sad in their separation...
1. Michael C. Hall & Jennifer Carpenter (was kind of a weird marriage to begin with, but getting a divorce after surviving cancer just sucks, plus they work together on "Dexter"..........they better keep the show going regardless!)
2. GQ Babe of the Year, Scarlett Johannson, and Sexiest Man Alive, Ryan Reynolds...(may their current titles prove what a studly couple they would have been if still together!).
One of the reasons couple #2 gave for their split is that they were so involved in their work that they never saw each other and they drifted apart. Um, hello? I am sorry, but when you are a military wife with a deployed spouse and anyone talks to you about being apart from their spouse......believe you me, I'm not listening.....or sympathizing for that matter.
Anyways, here I am the day after this dreaded "horrible" news on my way to work listening to the radio that I listen to every morning.
Both of the DJ's on this station have been married multiple times and while the male is yet again, remarried for the second time, the other, the female, has not remarried after divorce number two.
The female DJ made this comment today on their morning show while discussing these celebrity splits, "You know, honestly, what's the point anyways? What is so great about getting married versus dating that we are all missing? Maybe Brad and Angelina have it right, maybe we aren't meant to complicate things by paper or by formalities. You know what? Don't get married, if your boat floats by going to the theater every friday night for date night then going home and sleeping together afterwards, then I say more power to you."
This statement blew me away.
I sat there in awe at the stop light that there really are people out there that have such a negative opinion about marriage. I found myself for the first time EVER wanting to call in to the radio and tell them they are wrong. They made it just sound so cheap to me....
I don't know about the rest of you married folk, but I think marriage is fun!
The fact that I can be at whatever my worst place is for my life the one thing I DON'T worry about, is if John will still be there or not.
Maybe that's why the military life works for me so well. I can go through a year long deployment, see my husband two weeks out of the year, and not worry for a single moment if John is cheating on me, or spending money unwisely, or just basically doing things that we don't "believe" in.
Even more lucky for me, this mindset is mutual.
We have a deployment understanding when it comes to our communication.
We talk once-ish a week, usually Saturdays, unless there is some type of emergency prompting more otherwise. John's higher ups have pulled him aside asking him if we are having marital problems because we don't talk EVERY single day like some other families.
Laughable, I know. Esp to those that KNOW us.
But hey, some people work in different ways, so it's fine!!
Keep in mind that John and I started dating in high school, so combining the dating and marriage years, we've been together almost eight years. Out of that eight years we've been apart for at least three years of that.
One year our freshman year of college when I went to OK and he went to UT.
The other's are due to deployments. Lord knows, it's been more than three years cause of military schools and being in the field, but we won't count those....
Through all those trying times, we developed and understanding for how we communicate. It's what works for us and it may not work for everyone but at least we put forth the EFFORT to find something to make it work.
I think that's what a lot of people lack. The work that goes into the marriage is hard. It's tedious, and it's not meant to be easy. Otherwise divorce wouldn't be such a viable option for many.
Another statement I've heard tossed around so much lately is that marriage is just "paperwork."
I am sorry to burst your obviously small world bubble, but it's not.
If you want to get married for the money or the benefits then you don't know what marriage is at all.
Secondly, you don't deserve it.
It's to precious of a thing to be boiled down to signing on the dotted line.
To me it's no different than having children.
Children are just tax write off's, right?
They are just birth certificates....??
No, they are a blessing.
A treasure. Something so fragile and precious you should want to spend every waking moment of your day trying to figure out how to keep it protected and pure.
Why isn't marriage given that same opportunity?!?
Not to shoot my own foot here, but the same could be said about weddings themselves.
Obviously with weddings you are dealing with a sense of tradition, but I think that the purpose for weddings are lost....
Weddings are about the ceremony, not about how many are in attendance, or what kind of cake, or how much the dress cost, where the location is, or (I can't believe I am saying this) how much money you "make".....It's about the fundamental belief system that standing up in front of a group of people professing your commitment before them and God (if you go that route).
I remember meeting with Pastor Ed, the pastor that "married" us, prior to our wedding and he told me something that has stuck with me, "I always believed that if you get married and it ends up not working out...you don't divide things between the two of you, you give the gifts back to the people that bestowed them to you. They aren't yours because you worked for them, they are yours because people supported you two as a couple."
So true!
Now here's a instance where things get a little "hairy."
I've had my minds eye opened so largely lately to the marriages that are out of desperation or convenience.
Like those women that marry because everyone else is doing it, this guy is good enough for me, let's do it!
Or those men that don't want to be a man whore forever, so might as well jump onto one that will not only do what they want, but consider it their "duty" to submit to their husbands and their wishes.
Man, I struggle with these people!
I'm not going to get into the whole submission thing, that's not what this is about.
This is about being PARTNERS.
About being best FRIENDS.
About working together.....
I've never been one for settling for anything, so when I see people in a situation where I think they are settling, I just can't comprehend their mindset or reasoning.
I've tried....I can't do it.
"If it doesn't make sense it's typically not true," in the wise words of Judge Judy. :)
This is one of those things that just doesn't makes sense.
Why not just stay single looking for that "right" person, rather than marry everyone under the moon, fingers crossed that they are "the one?"
Sure would save a lot of heartache and court time. ;)
My partnership with John is far from perfect.
We definitely have our moments.
Because of the military we seem to tend towards more serious in depth moments.
Don't sweat the small stuff. No sugar coating....no beating around the bush...say it how you wish.
However, the one thing that we both mutually respect no matter what, is our marriage.
When push comes to shove, that is the one thing that when everything is boiled down to the bare minimum, will still remain as our top priority.
Regardless of kids, jobs, money, anything...........
You have to "pay" yourself first before you can "pay" for anyone/anything else.
That's our motto.
Maybe Ryan, Scarlett and I should hang out........tee hee heeee.....
Hey Ryan, give me a call....
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