This Is Me

I live in a world that is not my own that I succumb to in many ways. I live by a code that leaves me to find joy in the small things in life. Not take advantage of anything. Love and learn from everyone I meet in my journey. And especially to learn what it means to be selfless in more ways I thought possible. I am a Army wife. It is what I do. I have a love hate relationship with what I do. But do I regret it? No way.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Lucky #7...

August 26th, 2012. Seven months. 
First of all, whoa.
It seems like just yesterday we were in awe of Bryn's half year "birthday" and here we are again, further away from her newborn days and onto being closer to a year old.
It's SO crazy how much babies change their first year.
Giving that John and I were never exposed to babies as kids or adults we are constantly in awe of every little change that happens and always think it's the coolest thing ever, even if she's early doing it or late doing it! 
One of the first newbies that we had this last month was the little gal shaking her head "no." I am assuming she has no clue what it really means, but she always has impeccable timing when she does it. What's even better is she always does it with a smile, so it's like a false negative, LOL. I love it. We've been nodding our head "yes" to her just to give her some perspective, but all that results in is more head shaking and sometimes shaking so hard it's a full body wiggle and twist that will make her fall over. 
Defiant "snuffy" face showdown with dad. 
Sigh. 
Defiance. 
Not sure where she gets that from...ANYWAYS....

We have been on the forever fight of baby foods this month and some days we have amazing progress and other days it seems like we are back at square one.
At her six month appointment it turned out that she had not only not gained weight, she had lost half a pound. I was so shocked--totally didn't make sense to me. She nurses like a little piglet and even though we feed on a schedule I've never deprived her from nursing if she let on so. 
I set up an appt with the Lactation Consultant at our hospital and went in for a consult to come up with a game plan. Lord bless those LC's. I am in there about every other month coming to them with whatever obstacle I am currently facing and I LOVE the fact that they work with me to keep breastfeeding a priority as opposed to the usual "supplement" quick fix that seems to be the downstairs ped's favorite and most popular suggestion. 
All in that to say, I'm nursing her more often, whether she's acting hungry or not, and continuing to work on the baby food issue to get more calories in her tummy. I'm actually nursing her more often than I did as a newborn at times. I'm still not feeding her on demand but am balancing nursing sessions in between nap times and baby food attempts hoping for progress.
We've gone in for several weigh ins this month since that first consult and I'm happy to say that she's not only gained weight, but went from the 20-30th percentile to the 60-70th percentile in just two weeks time. 
Part of that progress came from some breakthrough's in the baby food portion of our struggles. We'll just say that practice makes perfect and that not only was she finally accepting her oatmeal and rice cereal with mixed in fruits and veggies, she finally started to take the purees straight without being mixed in with anything. 
Some days she totally changes her mind and won't take the purees at all and the next day she fusses the minute she sees her cereal or oatmeal. 
One thing is for sure however, that baby LLOOVVEESS her orange veggies such as squash, carrots, and sweet potatoes. I have had to ration them out among green beans and peas so that she doesn't start looking like a brunette oompa loompa. 
Fruits we are still working on, with pears and apples with blueberry being the most favorite. All the others, minus banana, is a hit or miss, but hey I'm having to find progress wherever I can find it. As long as she keeps gaining the right weight I'll play her little game.
I love food too much to make her hate it by forcing her into it, so I am, for once and probably ever, letting her set the pace in this category. 

 This month we also had our first birthday party, first pool experience, first teeth (!!), and first real length of time we've gone without daddy being home.
John left for his pre-deployment training on the 12th, so little gal and I have been flying solo for a couple weeks now. I was worried in the beginning that I would be bored out of my mind stuck at home with nothing to do, but that is nothing but a faint faux memory.
I haven't had a chance to sit my butt down since he left and if anything, I'm going to bed later and later each night he's not here, trying to get things accomplished for the day.



We are getting ready to move to CO, the countdown has officially commenced!
We have been SO blessed with friend and family support with our moving efforts both here in NC and in CO. It's so humbling to have people that will drop what they are doing in their busy lives to help you out with the madness in yours. It's something I'm not sure I can fully express with words at this point, but you all know who you are and you are SO appreciated!
Getting down the crawl stance, and now have
it down plus starting to rock forwards!
This is my last full week here in NC and it's flying by. Bryn isn't helping either.
She's on the verge of crawling and if anything doing her little tummy pinwheel spin or scooting herself backwards does enough damage without the forward crawl already. The animals scatter like oil in water whenever she gets on one of her scooting sprees and it's hilarious. 
She's also discovered more of her voice and has not only started squealing just in general, but she's started a whiney little squeal that is simply pathetic. She'll do it when she's not fussy, but not happy either...just kind of blah. 
She's also started sounding out her musical sounds with lots of "ma ma ma's" and "ba ba bas," etc. I love it! We're working on "da da das," so far it's come out "ta-tas" and well, maybe that's what she wants it to mean, who knows! While John's been gone I have been slowly but surely working on the house, packing it up for our move. Slowly is the key word. I thought him being gone for 3 weeks was plenty of time to get things under control, but here I am with less than a week left and I feel like I've accomplished nothing and my house is absolute and utter chaos. 

With that we have also had our poor pup, Hurley, put into the cone of shame after he chewed out his staples he had in his leg from a mysterious cut we have no idea how he got. He got the staples the night before John left. At the end of that week I took him in to get the staples removed and he had worked them out so they coned him and gave me antibiotics. 
The antibiotics made him quit eating and he was throwing up constantly so I quit those and have just left him coned the last two weeks which has worn on both of us. 
Poor pup has no real peripheral vision with the cone, so he's constantly walking into corners of walls, couches, moving boxes, etc...
Last night was the final straw when he was banging his head into the carpet trying to scratch his nose. I couldn't take his pathetic-ness anymore, so I de-coned him and I swear he laid there scratching his nose for about 5 solid minutes. 



One highlight of the month was getting Brynlee's pictures done with the same photographer that did her newborn pictures and my maternity pictures. Her style of photography has made these photo sessions addicting, and with pictures like this you can see why...


J Christina Photography 6.5 months old.

I had a couple more appointments this month dealing with my post birth healing issues that I still have going on. Every doctor/specialist I see I get different opinions and different results which lead into different suggestions and no real answers. 
Unfortunately, I am having to put everything on hold right now until I get to Colorado where I am hoping I can start over with a new OB or specialist with a blank slate. I am so tired of hurting and being uncomfortable. I'm so tired of wearing loose gym shorts and sweat pants everywhere I go cause everything else is too tight and hurts too much. I try to not let on how much it all really does bother my day to day activities, but some days I just cry, cause I am SO frustrated. 
I just want to sit normally on a couch again, dang it! Someday....

Mastered the sippy. She even drank out of
an open glass the other day, no spills.
Well this time next month we'll be heading into month #8 and will be in Colorado without daddy for real this time. I'm so excited for Colorado but am so terrified of being virtually a single parent for a year. This lifestyle has never really gotten to me as deep as it has now that we have Brynlee in our lives. It always sucked when John deployed but we both accepted that this was part of the job and we'd just make lemonade out of our lemons. 
Just thinking of how she is now--almost crawling, discovering her voice, her first teeth--then thinking what she's going to be like when she's a year and half-- walking, talking, more teeth!--and all those first things he's going to miss seeing and experiencing---it chokes me up every time.
It's hard to not feel sorry for yourself or your baby in situations likes these. I know I'm not the first one to deal with this and unfortunately I'm not the last, and that, in a weird way brings comfort to me. 
Moving home with the babe is really going to be the best thing for her and I. The multitude of family and friend support that we'll have will be insurmountable for both her and I, and in some ways John too. Thinking about that support system that we'll be surrounded by is truly what gets me through the day sometimes. 
With that, I am going to insanely miss my friends here in NC! I have been SO blessed with a group of mom's from so many different walks of life and I value all of them so much in so many ways. I'm one of the deployment veterans of this mom group, but these mom's have more than made up for that by teaching me a thing or two about this baby business. 
TEETH x2!! 
First time moms, two kid moms, to four kid moms. :) They have all taught me something or left some type of impression on me that I will forever hold a tremendous value and memory too, especially as B and I venture into this new adventure away from them. With all the tutelage and support they have bestowed to me, I can only hope that I've been half as good to them in some way!

Meet you in Colorado...t-minus 8 days....

Friday, August 3, 2012

Halfway to Somewhere, the "PS" edition...

PS: So I totally forgot another aspect to my 6 month round up with the bug that I wanted to write about in order to keep myself accountable...losing the baby weight.
I have allowed myself up until now to not even consider stressing about it, knowing the full plate I had with being a new mom, working from home, husband's work schedule, etc...Once B was about 3-4 months old I hit a weight loss plateau where I still had about 10 lbs. give or take left to lose to be back to my pre pregnancy weight.
I credit working out while pregnant (for the majority of it anyways!) and breastfeeding for the weight loss I have had so far.
Now, looking at my body shape since her birth, I'm pretty sure that will never be the same, haha. I'm oddly ok with that, BUT the weight portion of it, I can totally see where the loss can occur and I know it won't take much for me to get rid of it. It's just a matter of me getting my butt out to do it!

I've used her six month birthday as a new beginning for me to give myself until her first birthday to lose that extra weight and be as close back to my pre pregnancy weight as possible. I think this is totally achievable with just light to moderate consistent workouts like I did before and while I was pregnant. I am looking forward to our time in CO because I've got tons of willing work out partners with work out routines already being planned out and I just can't wait!

I am also considering it as the "something" I need to keep me busy while John's gone, just like it was last deployment.
Last deployment I lost close to 40 lbs. and about 8 clothing sizes....then I got pregnant and gained it all back, LOL. Because of my body shape changing I'm not planning to get back down to that size 2, but if I can, rock on!
I like to put this out there for all to know because it's one of the only ways I can keep myself accountable for my actions. I'm not a public person when it comes to more private things like this, but I've learned the best way to trick myself into doing something that I don't feel like doing all the time is to futuristically call myself out on it!
So here it is!
Starting on her 6 month birthday I started back on my pre/pregnancy neighborhood walk routine I did almost daily with Hurley, just this time it's with baby. :) She's been a trooper so far and no offense to Hurley, but she's much more of an intense work out partner. Pushing that stroller up those hills ain't no joke! If we have the time to work up to it I'd like to progress to taking her out on the Cumberland Trail and work out there. I attribute a lot of my weight loss to that trail while wearing ankle weights and taking turns with my friend Steph, pushing her baby, Luke, up those trail hills!
No thanks to NC heat, I have to do this walk first thing in the morning, but that's when the babe is most tolerant of my weirdness, so it's actually worked out really great!
I probably won't weigh myself or even think about again after this post until we are in CO, but I'm excited for this journey and challenge and am thankful for the support from friends and family I have had so far in this area!

More on this as it continues....


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Half way to somewhere...

July 26th, 2012, we made it to half a year!  I can't tell you how many times I thought ahead to this time in her life and wondered what it would be like. I had no real clear picture of what I was aiming for...really just survival, to be honest! But now that we are here, I have been able to take a look back and realize how far we've come and I'm so proud of my little family-human and furry!

Brynlee Paige is wearing a solid 6 month size in clothes and is starting to bust out of some of those even. We've broke out some 6-9 month which  are a little big, but the growing room isn't obnoxious...I just can't believe we're to that point! 
We have her 6 month appointment next week, so I'll know her new measurements then, but I expect nothing but good stats. She's definitely not missing any meals. :) We don't have any teeth yet, but I'm kinda partial to her little gummies. Considering she' still nurses too, I'm kinda freaked out about it, but I know the time is coming, so I'll just have to get over it and enjoy her little gummy smile while I can!
Her eyes have still not committed to a color....One is half brown/green and the other is a greenish-greyish blue. I had certainly thought they'd be set by now, but maybe this is being set? Kinda cool if it is!

She's solidly sitting up now and throughout the month is using her hands less and less to sit propped up. We do the belly swim constantly and she'll arch that little back and push up getting so close to the crawling position, but as soon as she does she froggies out flat.
Right now her mobility is limited to being a little pinwheel on her tummy, spinning around in circles from toy to toy. She's tried to go from a tummy position to leaning up to her bum, but right now it really just makes her roll back over to her back. We let her fall quite a bit when she sits, not doing much to cushion, catch or prevent it. She's only fallen "bad" a couple times and I think she's only cried cause it startles her, not really cause it hurts! She has this nice little fall/roll she does and when the dust settles she acts like she was doing it on purpose all along, so we roll along with it and usually act happy and clap a lot when she falls.
She's started to make waving motions with her arms and hands, sometimes prompted but most the time not. She has, however, started shaking her head, with no prompting and although it makes me hang my head, it's seriously precious to watch her do.
Taylor and Brynlee-11 days apart!
We've graduated B to a 4 hour eat, play, sleep cycle and it's been working great. Contrary to her early  newborn ways, B has ultimately become a great sleeper and I couldn't be more thrilled with that. It was a painful process to get her that way, but once we hit that groove, we haven't looked back. 
With starting a 4 hour cycle, it eliminated her late night feeding, changing to just 4 feedings a day and also moved up her bed time to 8-8:30 pm. With the guidance of my Baby Wise guru and mother of two, Katie Jensen, she coaches me on what to expect and aim for when it comes to these transitions. Having her youngest 11 days older than B is such a blessing because I look at what Taylor is doing and know what's coming up in the near future for me!
The four hour routine/schedule couldn't have come at a better time because my parents and brother came over the 4th of July! I had missed them SO MUCH and couldn't wait for Drew to meet his niece! This is something I had looked forward too since her birth, so I couldn't have been any more excited for a family week. I get so envious of all my friends near and far that live so close to their families, some even in the same towns. I would settle for one closer time zone let alone in the same town, but that's what makes these trips that much more memorable.
Driving to Raleigh to pick them up from the airport was the first time I have left TOWN with Bryn. I was pretty nervous but she always seems to prove me wrong when I'm picturing the worst. We got to the airport in enough time to walk around and take in all the Raleigh husle and bustle...she was in absolute awe. I love watching her see new places and things...she just sits in her Ergo taking it all in. I could watch her watching all day, LOL.

Meeting Uncle Drew for the first time!
Part of my family's trip, unfortunately for them, was to help John and I pack up our house. I felt bad putting them to work, but at the same time I wasn't sure when else I would ever have so many babysitters and able willings hands. As of now our house is pretty naked, with nothing on the walls, and most of the houses "extras" that aren't necessities are packed and stacked awaiting a future storage unit.

Independence Day.
For the 4th of July we BBQ'd here at the house but joined the Albaeck family for dessert and fireworks on post. With the Albaecks moving, it was nice to have one more big "family" outing before they left!

82nd AA Family Fun
Day watching daddy
get "attacked" by the
K9 dogs.
Before leaving town to Myrtle Beach, I got a last minute text from John that he and another K9 team were asked to do live demo's at the 82nd Airborne's Family Fun day at Sicily Air Field. We packed with a hurry and headed to Sicily just in time to watch the demo. Not only was there the K9 demo, but they also did airborne jumps, equipment drops, and missile launches for everyone to see. During the K9 demo John got to be the "attacked" so it was really cool to see him in his element, even if he was getting attacked by K9 dogs! Bryn held in amazingly, sitting in multiple laps, with plenty to look at...the missile launches were a bit much, luckily she and I were walking to the car when they started so we weren't in the loudest place, but it was still crazy loud and she grabbed onto me like never before!
After the demo's we headed out of town, for our first interstate trip with John following on his motorcycle a couple hours later.
The next morning we ventured out onto the beach for the first time. It was SO exciting to get to take B to the ocean for her first beach experience! We went out first thing in the morning when it was cool and still breezy. She was, again, very perceptive and almost in awe of it all. It was really fun and a special family memory for us.





Aquarium awe. :) 
Aquarium.
Later that day we took the bro and parents to our Myrtle Beach tradition of going to the Hard Rock Cafe for lunch, then we went to the Ripley's Aquarium. I could not WAIT to take B to the aquarium and the first thing she did when we got there was fall asleep! But she woke up in time for the underwater tunnel and her awe face was just spectacular. I loved being able to wear her and see all her reactions to everything.
We had one more beach morning, just the three of us, and then took some family photos down by the Cherry Point Pier before leaving town.

Family shot!

We used the last day of my family being here continuing to pack up the house as much as we could. Taking the fam back to the airport was definitely bittersweet. We stopped on our way to Raleigh at the Airborne Museum which is a must here at Ft. Bragg.

My "babysitter" and friend, Jenn Albaeck, and her fam moved from Bragg to just outside Charolette forcing me to take B with me whenever I leave the house. I knew this day was coming but I'd been avoiding it for as long as possible! I know it seems extreme to have gone this long without going out alone with her, but our track record going out in public just hadn't been that great and it really stressed me out, so I really just avoided it altogether, or waited til I could leave her with Jenn or John! Well, once Jenn moved, it was getting to the point where I hadn't left the house in days and I just needed a change of scenery. We went to Target, and of course, she puts me to shame by doing just fine and not making a single peep while we were out and even gave people smiles while she bounced along in her Ergo while I made my way around. Since then sometimes we've gone out at least once a day and she's been great.

LOVES to help feed herself.
After her five month "birthday" I started giving her rice cereal to try. I bought the Earth's Best Whole Grain cereal and she LOVES it like whoa. I never thought of consistantly giving it to her but she gets so animated and excited when I bring it out, I decided to give it to her in addition to her afternoon feeding.
We have tried introducing solid foods such as sweet potato, apples, banana, winter squash, and avocado really to no avail. She broke out with banana, made faces at apples like I gave her a lemon, and threw the avocado as soon as it squished in her hands, like it grossed her out. Sigh...I know it something not necessary for her, health wise, but it's something I was looking forward to and wanted to try while John was home so he could experience some firsts with her.
The only thing she didn't seem to mind was steamed/pureed winter squash. It was the only food she'd try solo and it's the only one she'd eat without protest mixed in with her rice cereal.
I have really enjoyed making our own baby food so far. I have bought some organic jarred of some foods we have yet to try because I got tired of buying organic fruits and veggies just for her to not like them and me using some of my milk stash to make it. If we weren't looking at moving here soon I'd just freeze it and wait, but for now this seems to work the best.
Once we get to Colorado I would love it even more if I could grow some of my own ingredients. These are all high hopes and aspirations, some of which might not happen, but I'm optimistic in at least trying!

Last day of certification with Denzel
- he passed! Therefore, now deployable.
John has continued his training this month with certification and deployment headed our way. This deployment has been the most prolonged one we've experienced yet, and from what I've been learning it's really just proof to how all units are different and handle things differently. As odd as this sounds, we're ready for him to just go already. I know my other Army wives can relate! We both would like to just get it started,get it over with, and get our family back home together.
With the house half packed up it's made things seem more real than they have so far. Lots done yet so much more to do!!
This will be our third deployment but yet, each one has it's own significant difference than the last. We don't have actual paper orders yet, so the details are still ?? to us, but being that he's in a smaller unit, things are already different in a lot of ways, so we're both pretty anxious to see what challenges this deployment will hold.
The silver lining, and purpose of going to CO altogether, is getting to be close to family again. Everytime I get anxious or down about the situation, my spirits are raised when I think about the love and support all three of us (six with the pets!) will be surrounded by. Bryn will finally get to meet the rest of her uncles and her aunts, as well as her cousins and continue to grow in her relationships with her grandparents, great-grandma and hopefully her great aunts, uncles, and cousins!! She and I will have many friends and family to hang out with I'm almost giddy thinking about it. It's hard to picture having fun with all these people that mean so much to us, without John there though. Having a kid in the picture changes things so much!
I constantly flip flop back and forth between my giddiness to guilt in that all these friends and family will get to see her grow up her first year instead of her daddy. Overall though, considering he should have been gone months ago, we are extremely grateful that he's been home to experience what he has so far and it just makes us more determined as parents to make sure she knows her daddy loves her and will do anything for her, even if he's not physically there.

We aren't sure when things are going to start, but we anticipate it'll begin in the next 30-60 days. Even though we've been saying that for a while, we feel more secure in that time frame because of deployment forms and leave dates John's had to turn in thus far.
Until then just keep our little family in your thoughts and prayers. We really enjoy the lifestyle we live and John loves what he does, the Army has given us ups and downs, but overall we're so grateful for the opportunities it's given us so far and look forward to the future, even the hard parts!

Until the next update, we're half way through her first year which seems so small in comparison to the rest of this little babes life, so here's to half way to somewhere!


A Midsummer Night's Dream.

She LOVES her books.
We read several everyday.


Who needs toys?!

Look! No hands!

I adore these cheeks....

Our new stink face, along with some nice
nose snorting. Sigh....

Wasup?!

Is this what's coming next??? Oh man...