This Is Me

I live in a world that is not my own that I succumb to in many ways. I live by a code that leaves me to find joy in the small things in life. Not take advantage of anything. Love and learn from everyone I meet in my journey. And especially to learn what it means to be selfless in more ways I thought possible. I am a Army wife. It is what I do. I have a love hate relationship with what I do. But do I regret it? No way.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

March Madness

Oh man, the madness has begun.

March is such a special month this year.
Although losing an hour of sleep in a couple weeks doesn't make the list, there are some amazing things that do.....

First and foremost, JOHN COMES HOME. :)
This deployment is finally coming to a close and it couldn't happen any sooner.
This deployment is a tad short of a year, ten times better than last time which was a 15 month deployment, so we'll take it.
I can't say exactly when he's coming home for security reasons, but just know it's soon and I'm pumped.
So finally, all of you who's spouses leave for work for a weekend, and like to whine about how lonely you are, will no longer have me shaking my head in shame at you or rolling my eyes at your pity parties.
Sigh of relief, I know.

Next up is our 3rd wedding anniversary.
Combined with that is a mini vacay we are taking to Amelia Island, FL.
Hooray for beach, sun, seafood, and just good plain old down time. Amazing.

Now for reflecting.
Looking back at this time last year, I'm very proud to say I have grown so much.
With weeks to go at our 2008 deployment, I had just moved here and was having a blast setting up our house. Buying furniture, setting up pictures, curtains, sitting with Bella relishing in my new life in Fayetteville. After picking John up from green ramp it was the coolest thing ever to take him to our first home together. It always makes me smile to think that the first 5 months we were married we didn't even live together. I don't know what that makes me smile, just reminiscing I suppose.

Well, here we are at deployment #2, and things have totally changed.
I'm not smitten with the same things, and my attitude is totally different.

I'm WAY over Fayetteville.
I know at times I've come across as judgmental to other "Fayettevillians," because of numerous things.....cultural differences, phonetics, economics, and even demographics.
Things are so different here, and I've realized when I first moved here I looked at the differences as an experience, like living in a different country.
Sometimes it feels like I'm living in a different country!
Well the newness of southern living has completely worn off and I've had to really try to check my attitude sometimes. The phrase "southern hospitality" hardly applies here.
I blame in on the military actually.
When you throw people, literally, from all over the world together in a pot, mix it all together, and give them guns with permission to use them----you get Fayetteville.
Lord knows I love my military lifestyle and the majority of what it entails, but sometimes the negatives become way to prevalent and, unfortunately, outshine the good.

At one point I was convinced we'd outgrown our house. How, I don't know....perhaps the two additional animals we added to our brood? The random pieces of furniture/furnishings we've accumulated over time?? The junk we've accumulated over time??
I told John a couple months or so ago that maybe we should move cause I feel claustrophobic in our house. Never occurred to me, until later, to just de-clutter and that would probably solve the issue....why do that when you can move to a BIGGER place, right?
Sigh.
No worries we're not moving, the thought of the work in physically moving anywhere nipped that right in the bud.

This leads into another change, the amount of "under-grown" clothes I've shrunk out of has slowly taken over the guest bedroom.
Hooray for the weight loss! One of the biggest challenges on my deployment bucket list....
**Here's my bragging moment, so skip past this part if you want. **

I have carried around, this last year, a sheet I got when I joined the gym that has all of my measurements and weight, etc, as of January 2010.
It's been a constant reminder of why the heck I am not eating the donuts my boss brings in every Friday.....SO, the dirty truth was as follows:

Jan 2010:
Age: 25
Height: 64"
Weight: 161 lbs.
Size: 12/14
BMI: 27.6

March 2011:
Age: 26
Height: 64" (didn't grow an inch, dang it)
Weight: 127 (solidly)
Size: 2/4
BMI: 21.4

Bah, bam. The lowest I've weighed myself was 125 lbs, and even though that's the highest "ok" weight of my goal, I'm not counting it until I'm a solid 125.
As of the beginning of February, I started going to a gym on post and lifting with my coworker and fellow Army wife, Jeanette.
She used to be a trainer and body builder, so her encouragement and tutelage has helped me tons. I have gained weight some with the lifting, but you gotta love that muscle weight as opposed to the fat weight, I'll take it for sure.
I feel stronger. I feel refreshed.
A complete 180 turn around from my previous posts at the beginning of this venture.

Instead of getting mad at John for bugging me to go to the gym with him, I'll probably beat him there. I love the feeling of lifting, of pushing myself, of getting that "swoll" on (that's for you Jeanette!). It's a high that I love and I've become drawn to it.
There are days where the gym is the last place I want to go, but as soon as I pull into the parking lot, sometimes my heart jumps, I'm ready, let's roll.
I still have a way to go to get to my ultimate weight loss goal, but the difference is now my smaller goals are different.
I do weigh myself, but not out of obsession to see the numbers go down. I'm more interested in maintaining, feeling strong, and I love the challenge of living a healthy lifestyle.
I wish I could devote more time to truly immerse myself into a true healthy living lifestyle, someday I hope to be there. Sometimes the ease of the preprepared food you throw in the oven is just too convenient and I partake of it often. However, I've made myself label read (to the point where I do it too much apparently, Steph!) and plainly just be aware of what I am putting in my body.
The best part is now I'm at a place where I can cheat and not feel guilty.

The biggest challenge facing the future homecoming process is how this will all play a role with two of us in the house now instead of one. How can we both have what we want and need, food wise, and not bring the other down.....THAT is the question.
I'll let you know as we figure it out.
.
What you knew before they left doesn't apply anymore.
We've both changed. Good ways and bad....
So how can we have fun with it? What can we learn from each other that may benefit both of us? What new ways of communicating do we need to learn to continue in being a solid team? I look forward to these challenges, it's a way to grow oneself and help your partner too.
There are always the post-deployment challenges of course, and it's hard to forget them.
I am hoping because this deployment was so dramatically different than the last, that easier challenges will arise if any. Fingers crossed.

There are also changes I'm going to have to learn as well.....
I can't just Netflix just what I want to anymore, for example, LOL.
I can't leave the clean clothes on his side of the bed and put them away later.
Um, double laundry---enough said.
Buying groceries for two instead of one.......aka: his sweet tooth/sneaking things into the cart.

The random perks I can think of besides the obvious.......
I don't have to deal with the "pound puppy" anymore, I love that dog, but he is on my last nerve, I'm NOT a dog person so I've learned, so having "dad" home will be amazing.
Our quasi anti-Army neighbor won't need to mow our lawn anymore, poor guy, LOL.
I'll have a gym buddy.
No more yard work (the little I did do, LOL).

I've tried not falling into the trap of doing a daily countdown. John and I have the same mentality on this. One day at a time. I don't really want to think about what's looming ahead, even if it's good. There's enough on my plate as is I need to deal with.....doesn't mean we don't think about it.
I just know if I started a true daily countdown, I would be mentally and emotionally exhausted by the time he actually got home!

In the mean time, I'll just continue to blog about it. :)