"Snowed In"

Irony at it's finest.
The past couple months the weathermen here in NC will predict snow/sleet/ice storms about every other weekend or so. Very rarely is it predicted in the forecast of Fayetteville/Ft. Bragg but every once in a while they'll say, "Well, we had rain last week, and we all know what rain in January means!"
I had no idea.
"It means a chance of snow in the triangle!" they exclaim with such excitement.
Such BREAKING news.
The triangle= Charolette, NC (West side of the state) + Raleigh, NC (North side of the state) + Fayetteville, NC (South side of the state).
Obviously the east side of the state is the ocean, so, ya know.
Everyone at work will talk about the weather according to the farmer's almanac.
I'd hear about this everyonce in a while in CO, usually pertaining to how much snow we'd get or at what point El Nino was in!
But here.
They'll go by the almanac over a weatherman any day.
Now usually snow here in NC will happen on the Charolette side of the state where there are "mountains."
These mountains I have yet to see, but I hear there are ski resorts, so they have to be decent right? If I remember geography class right, the mountains here are part of the Appalachians.
Now there is another story.
Apparently it's obvious I'm not from here by how I say Appalachians and how I say Louisville, KY.
In NC english the word "Appalachians" is pronounced with a CH sound that holds the strongest emphasis of the word.
AppalACHians.
BTW, the first "A" of the word is sometimes said with a long "A" like the word "ape."
I had been pronouncing it with a SH sound and even more taboo, with a long A before the SH sound.
Appal A SHians.
"Appal" as in "Apple-A-SHians."
The other word that I said "incorrectly" was at work where I actually got LAUGHED at was when I said "Louisville."
I said "Louis" like LOO and a long "E."
Obviously with "ville" at the end!
Apparently in NC english it's pronounced, "LOOL-ville."

So anyways, off my tangent. Back to snow. Well we actually got some.

It's mainly ice if we want to be realistic. I went outside to put some mail out and it sounded like falling beads. Schools closed early the day before as well as the military bases.

John had been in the field all week so we took the "snowed" in opportunity to catch up on telling each other about our work weeks, rewatching LOST Season 5, playing with our pets, and getting to enjoy each other's company. It was GREAT.

Spin was cancelled and so was church so sleeping in on those two days were kinda cool too.

Considering that I don't have any cool quips from the sermon that was supposed to be today. It was supposed to be "Desperate Housewives."

I'm taking the cancelled service as a sign that my side of the relationship is fine, so........... :)

Well the ice was so prevelant here that I even got a call from Jeanette, my co-worker who's husband is in Haiti, that she was iced into her cul-da-sac. She later called me to tell me she fell off her front step in attempt to get the mail, so she's at the hospital right now waiting to hear back what the x-rays show.

I felt like a horrible friend cause apparently she called me first right after her MOM and I missed her call while I was at the grocery store. By the time I saw her missed call and called her back, her aunt was on her way to pick her up and take her to the hospital. Boo me!

She thinks she broke her ankle or reinjured a prior injury, so time will tell.

In the mean time, I have an awesome recipe to share!

While John has been in the field I have been experimenting with finding meals that will work when he is gone. Jeanette mentioned cooking rice in broth and/or cream of mushroom soup, so I did some research and tried this one out and it was AWESOME! Made it as a side with some rotissoire chicken and some veggies.

Not sure what the actual recipe is called, but I'm calling it Cream of Mushroom Baked Rice:

Preheat oven 400 degrees.

Ingredients:

2 c. uncooked rice

1 can of cream of mushroom soup

1 c. veggie or chicken broth

1/2 c. chopped onion (opt.)

1/4 c. chopped mushrooms (opt.)

1 tsp. dried parsley flakes

1 tsp. dried oregano flakes

 1/4 c. melted butter

pinch of salt & pepper

-Mix all the ingredients in a med bowl then transfer to a 2 qt. baking dish. Cook for 35-40 minutes COVERED.

COVERED was my mistake when I made it. I covered it and cooked it for 30 and it wasn't quite done, so I put it on for 10 more minutes and forgot to recover it, so parts of it had undercooked rice. The parts that were finished was SO GOOD, so I highly recommend it!

This week John is in the field for only the first half of the week, so I am going to try another tilapia recipe. If it works out well I'll post it.

Well this last week was the first time I have EVER trained a new employee at a real legitimate job. I've trained people when I worked retail, but for some reason, to me, that doesn't count!

The new girl's name is Meghanne and she is a real sweetie.

She's from NC so she's been helping me with my lack of NC english.

The training went well-ish.

I should have known that when training someone new, after I've been there 6 months, that some things would go wrong, but it would take way to much typing and energy to lay it all out.

Needless to say I survived and learned a lot of what my coworkers thought of me in the process.

The first compliments I got was when I was walking Meghanne around introducing her to people and I got multiple, "Well Meghanne, you are learning from one of the best."

Smiles.

Then on Wednesday or so a co worker of mine that has been at MJ Soffe for over 10 years pulled me aside one morning and told me that she was listening in while I was working with Meghanne. She said I was doing really well and she was impressed with how quick Meghanne was catching on.

More smiles.

Made the negativity and set backs during the week more worth it.

Spin has been going well. But I feel like I've hit a small plateau.

Now part of me thinks that some of this is mental plateau, but I'm not sure.

The other part I'm not sure of is that I think I had a small stomach bug this week, so that's probably why it's more of a mental plateau than physical.

On Monday and Wednesday I went to spin and really just couldn't push myself the way I normally can. I didn't even get a second wind.

Since we didn't have spin on Sat I didn't have a way to test my theory. So I'll have to figure it out tomorrow.

I am having to take Jeanette to work and I assume take her home from work too, so I'm not sure if I'll hit spin this week or how that is going to work.

Sigh.

I really hope I can go, so hoping for the best.

My little brother, Drew, turned 20 this week.

OMG.

TWENTY.

That weirds me out more than anything else right now.

I still remember the antigonizing teasing little punk that I beat up all the time.

I remember the first time he pegged me down and I couldn't "beat" him off.

I remember in college when I called home one time and he answered the phone. His voice had changed and I thought it was my dad. It brought tears to my eyes!

I remember him getting his license and getting his first ticket (didn't take long!).

Then I remember seeing him off to college.

Time has flown and I'm so blessed to have such a great bro to talk to.

We don't get to talk often but when we do we have fun and that's all that matters!

Desperate Husbands

Hello All!!

It's going to be a short one right now just because the night is almost over and I still have some stuff to do before the week day. I wouldn't be in such a tizzy if I hadn't dug myself a little of a hole.
A co-worker asked me to make a cake for work for another co-worker's birthday last week. Well, I agreed and wrote it in my planner and honestly never thought about it ever again.
I came to work on Friday. Saw it was her birthday and it still didn't even occur to me that something was not quite right. I wasn't until our first "break" of the day that it hit me all of the sudden and I felt HORRIBLE!! She sits right behind me for goodness sakes.
So in between apologizing throughout the rest of the day she told me just to make one for Monday and to make it gluten free, so Jeanette, could eat it too.
Jeannette, I refered to in some previous posts, is the girl that trained me when I started at MJ Soffe and we've quickly become friends. She has a gluten and soy intolerance and in observing her "diet" I have taken some of her healthy habits as challenges.
SO, I got some feedback and tips from her and set out this weekend to make a chocolate gluten free cake with gluten free chocolate icing.
Opposed to a "normal" cake this cake couldn't have flour, specifically canola oil, and true vanilla extract for example.
The icing is of the same type of true ingredients and it turned out TERRIBLE!! I've been on the phone and online with Jeannette all night in a panic trying to figure out what to do.
The cake tasted great.
John's comment, "Well, it SMELLS normal...." definately was encouraging!
Honestly the icing wasn't BAD, but it wasn't GOOD either.
So with Jeanette's help I made a cream cheese based icing that I placed on TOP of the chocolate icing.
I'm crossing my fingers and calling it good enough for a Sunday night.

Thanks to Jeanette's example and doing some extensive research, I have taken the next step in changing my food diet. So here you go, Katie N., you lead me into my next step of healthy habits.
John has been out in the field most of the time this month and is fortunately able to come home on the weekends. So when it's come to meal planning it's really just planning for me.
This weekend grocery shopping consisted of lots of greens and other veggies, almonds, yogurts, fish, 100 calorie snack packs, etc.
I wrote out a weeks worth of meals for myself which includes breakfast, snacks, lunch, and dinner and shopped accordingly.
Kind of what Katie N, wrote for her comments on my last post, for me it will be about feeling satisfied. Not hungry and not full. Prob eating about every two hours or so, watching portions of course and drinking tons of water. I also take a multi vitamin and started about a month or so ago taking fish oil/omega 3 softgels which is for heart health.
I actually started taking them because my mom told me how her doctor made a comment that they were a natural anti depressant.
I never talk about this much cause it's not something I like to bring attention to, but when John deployed I was on anti depressant medication for the first time ever. I always felt like I was a strong enough person to not let my emotions get the best of me. But for the first couple months of his 15 month deployment, the pure mention of his name would make me tear up for no reason. Of course living back home and being surrounded by awesome family and friends, I was asked about him often so I went to my doctor and took a test and tested positive for mild/moderate depression. I started taking Lexapro and stayed on it even a couple months after John got home.
I honestly stayed on it because of how horrible my job was at the time. I would come home everyday almost in tears and just hating everything. I can honestly credit that to my weight gain to some degree. Treating myself is what made me feel good! And treats for me was desserts at dinner and no portion control at all.
Needless to say I worked myself off the drug and the withdrawl was horrible. I'd randomly blank out and have horrible dizzy spells, but it was worth it and I'm glad I'm not on it anymore. I am hoping that since I have found some new personal focuses that I won't have to go that route again when he leaves soon. I appreciate modern medicene and what it can do, but I like to stay as pill free as possible. It really did help at the time but the withdrawl was just really uncool, so my goal is to not go there!

I am soda free for about three weeks now. The sugar free sweet iced tea isn't working for me. Where I used to drink a ton of sweet iced tea, now thanks to this sugar free version I don't reach for it at all. I haven't bought anything else to substitute it leaving me with lots of water. It's not as much as I know you are "supposed" to drink, but I'm working on it.
This last Saturday at spin we had a different instructor since our usual instructor is stil doing her bootcamp. This instructor focuses on more sets of jumps, etc. So DURING the class I was breezing through it thinking I was such a rockstar until this Sunday morning when I woke up and could barely get out of bed. John says that's good for me, but I wasn't expecting to have this issue, so of course I disagree!

Work has been going well and Jeannette and I are training a new girl tomorrow. I have never trained anyone and Jeanette's only trained me. So this will be interesting, poor girl.
On the upside, Jeanette and I snagged on of the Fall 2010 catalogs at work and found some of our designs were published! Hooray! So awesome to see! I'l have been there 6 months on Feb 3rd, and I can honestly say since I made the move there, I have never felt so optimistic since I moved here. What a blessing.

So today, Jeanette went to Manna (church) with John and I. Her husband, Pete, left for Haiti on Monday, so she's "by herself" (her fam lives close by) right now. Church came up at work and I casually invited her to come after she expressed an interest in finding a church to go to. Since John and I are in the same journey I told her she should check it out with us. Funny enough the sermon for the marriage series was entitled "Desperate Husbands," so it was kind of a weird start, but we all really enjoyed it.

The main thing I got out of it is to not turn your spouses responsabilities into your personal right.
Rights: "You owe me this." Focus is on getting for yourself.
Responsabilities: "This is my part." Focuses on giving.

The biggest thing that rang true for me through today was that we typically give what we really would like to get. I can see that in my everyday habits!!
I'll do small things around the house that no one would notice or appreciate but John, but in the back of my head, although I like to make him happy, my subconscious intention is to get it reciprocated to me. As soon as the pastor touched on that I immediately related to it. Always thought it was doing unto others as you would like them to do to you....right?

It was a really interesting concept and I am anxious to see what next Sunday brings.
"Desperate Housewives." :)

Well John is off packing for the field and I need to get ready myself, so that's all for now!

Before I run off I just want to thank all of you for your encouragement through this journey of mine. It's so nice to have people to relate too even if none of them are in physical visiting range! Hooray for technology right!!??

LOST

Hello all!!

What a great weekend this has been. The weather has been AMAZING for January and we've taken full advantage of it.
Woke up this morning to warm rain and the first thing I thought of was "tornado!" but so far so good! :)

This last work week went well. Things still continue to be busy so I just keep designing away. One new revelation going on concerning work is I no longer have to pay NC state income tax from my pay check!! Random I know, but it's an exciting thing for us military spouses.
In the past if you moved somewhere due to military orders you had to re-register your vehicles, change your DL, etc. Pretty much take that state as your new home state.
However, the actual service member does NOT.  Stupid.
The only reason we are IN that state is cause of them, right?!
Well the new MSRRA law allows a military spouse to choose their state of residence and not have to accept the physical state they are in unless they choose to do so.
Well, I choose NOT to do so and finally am legally considered a CO citizen.
My DL is CO.
I vote absentee in CO.
There for I AM! :)
Because I have chosen CO as my state of residency that means NC has no claim to my income even if it is MADE in NC. CO has the right to those taxes which fortunately for me is 2-3% less than NC.
This percentage difference is a little shy of what I am vesting into my 401K anyways, so it's pretty much awesome.
Any of you that I've talked to since I've been out here knows how big of a deal this is because it was a constant issue with John and I.
As an MP (military policeman) he always got onto me that we had to set an example by abiding by the rules which included changing my license, etc. I refused to do it mainly cause I refuse to say I am "from" here. He'd retaliate just saying well don't come crying to him if I get pulled over and get a ticket for it. Funny thing is I have gotten pulled over (about year ago) and the policeman didn't say a thing. I actually went to court to fight the ticket and won, so nothing he said was going to make me do it. I know it sounds really petty, but it's a big deal to me for some reason.
CO is my home.
Period.
Now I can legally say that and no one can rebut with anything different, so I win.
Heehee...

Ok, so I have a confession.
I missed my Saturday spin class.
I know, I know.
I have a good reason though.
I drive a 2008 Nissan Rogue that we bought brand new when John came home from deployment. Well some type of chip was recalled and had to be replaced. Once the part came in they called for me to set up an appointment to come by and have them install it. Well the only time they had that fit my schedule was 7:30 a.m. SATURDAY morning.
Ugh.
Well, I get up at 7 on Saturday, grab some Starbux, and pull up to the dealership.
I am totally the 7th car in line. What the heck?
I thought it'd be dead since it was Sat, but NOPE.
I was in the car heading out from the dealership at 9 and the class is on the other side of town at 9:15.
So, I didn't go.
Do I feel guilty?
Maybe a little, but not incredibly much.
My husband had been gone all week in the field and he was home this weekend, so I hung out with him and it was awesome, so I kinda don't feel bad at all.

Now here is the kicker.
I have my measurements from my trainer session this last Tuesday.
These results should make ANYONE workout everyday for the rest of their lives.
But, I just feel like while John is here, I am going to stick to my three day a week schedule. I have a YEAR to work out 5-6 days a week with no obligation at home besides our three kiddos, so that's how I justify it.

So here's my dirty laundry.
Those of you who know me have to know this is really difficult for me to put this all out on here. I have always been tiny and proud of it. In college I was one of those girls that walked around in her sports bra cause I didn't care. Now I won't even come out of our bathroom without being clothed or robed, so just know that these numbers just show what happens when you DON'T take care of yourself.
The sucky part is that it's only taken a year and half of me doing NOTHING to get to this point and it's going to probably take ANOTHER year and half of ball busting hard work to get back to any way I used to be.
So here we go.
Sigh.

Age: 25                                                  
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 161 lbs.                                    
Bust: 36 1/4"
Waist: 34 1/2"                                        
Arms: 13"
Thighs: 26 1/4"                                      
Abdomen: 38 1/4"
Hips: 43"                                              

Body Fat: 32.%
BMI: 27.6

So there it is and it's more humbling than anything.

NOW, I've always had a booty, so that wasn't incredibly surprising to me.
I've always had hips (thanks O'Cain side of the fam) so that didn't really "bother" me either.
What bothers me the most, motivates me the most, is the weight, the BF %, and the BMI.
The trainer's solution to meeting my weight goal, esp once she found out I had a soccer background, was to assign me to a 5 day a week work out schedule.
M, W, and Sat were spin with 30-60 min of elliptical/treadmill BEFORE the class (no more new girls taking my bike, LOL) and Tu. and F were a toning class called Body Pump.
Right.
At first I was down.
I was like, Heck yeah. This is what I need. It's only one hour a day out of the 8 hrs I sit in my office at work. Def won't kill me.
But then as the week progressed I realized how much mental work it took me to do THREE days a week with just spin!
Plus with John home for only a couple more months I have slowly talked myself out of a schedule like that. When he's gone? I am incredibly down. But now that he's home, I purely just don't WANT to.
Am I in the wrong frame of mind?
During the week the entire running of this house is left to me. John's training schedule along with physical therapy doesn't allow for much help when he's home. When he is home he's on the phone with someone, texting someone else, while writing a counseling, eating dinner and fitting a workout and a shower in there somewhere.
Those of us with civilian lives and jobs have no idea.
We honestly don't.
Imagine going into work at 3 AM and honestly not knowing when you are going to get home. One night this week he got to bed a little before midnight and had to be back by 4.
He's seriously a programmed robot!
That body of his can work off 4 hour sleep nights and Lunchables.
By the weekend roles around, assuming he's off for it, he'll help as much as he can with stuff I hate doing.
Yard work. Bathing the dog, etc.
But that leaves me to laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, all those cleaning duties, feeding/cleaning up after all pets, cooking, grocery shopping, paying bills, scheduling things like dental appointments, vet visits, car maintenance, planning weekly meals (if possible!).
It could go on forever and I'm not writing it out for sympathy. It's purely my excuse for not wanting to be in a 5-6 day a week work out schedule while he is home.
The time he and I get is precious.
And we know it.
I am going to go a year without seeing him. Is it unreasonable for me to feel like what she was asking me was too far fetched?
For at least while he's here anyways?
No joke during the week, it's a special night if we are truly able to sit down and eat dinner together without doing something else while eating.

Now, when he is gone?
I'm all in cause I'll have nothing else to do.
So that is a plan.
Let me know what you think, I'm curious.....I really rely on your friendships to help me with this. John can't always be there for me this way, so I really want to know what you think!

Now that I've given you a little window into our house at night, this week it became a big issue.
Every once in a while I will have a mini blow up/pity party because I get so tired of doing everything and not being able to have much help. Now, I'm not even referring to the house stuff.
For example, the tax stuff I mentioned above.
There were very specific qualifications you had to meet to be able to qualify.
I tried asking HR at work and they couldn't help me cause it's considered tax advice.
My mom tried, but she really just didn't know!
John said he'd ask his higher ups what they knew about it to see what I should do or who I should talk to. Never heard anything.
I even called legal services on post and their lines were disconnected. Ugh.
I didn't know what to do besides go pay for someone to figure it out for me which really defeated the purpose in my eyes.
I refused to pay money for advice like that unless it was going to be someone I was going to hire to do our taxes, etc.
That's why I figured since it was a military influenced law that the military would help me with it.
Nope.
Well I took that out on Johnny boy.
When they need something from him he jumps. Doesn't hesitate. Doesn't ask how high. Doesn't ask why. He just jumps.
Like I said, he's a robot! (a real good one though!)
But here I am needing something from them and they couldn't be bothered.
It really made me furious.
This is just one example. It actually happens all the time and that's where my love hate relationship with this lifestyle comes into play.

The money is nice. The benefits can be great. I don't need or want for anything, so who am I to complain right?
Well it's all well and good except that you sacrifice the most important/priceless thing a married couple should have.
TIME.
There is no time.

John and I consistently banter about how I hate how his job is priority over our home. But then he constantly reminds me we wouldn't have what we have if it weren't for it....
Love=Hate.

The sermon today at the church we went to was about effective communication ("LOST," pretty much the best show EVER). Based off the sermon, we decided that John is the internal processor and I am the external processor (on the link, click on Week 2 Sermon notes English).
Basically, I talk all the time and John listens all the time.
Basically. Not completely. But basically.
John and I talked about it over lunch afterwards and I told him how I feel like his job has made me internalize much more than I ever used to.
No matter how much I "pout" and have issues with his schedule or with having no help/back up, complaining about it isn't going to change anything.
He doesn't set his schedule. He can't control what he does.
Shoot, his superiors hardly know their own schedule half the time. The higher in rank he gets the worse it's going to get anyways!
We determined that I am never really mad AT him I'm mad at the situation and am taking it OUT on him.
So it would seem the simple answer to that would be to stop right....???
Ha, if it were only that simple.
I can "stop," sure. But then I'd be internalizing EVERYTHING. Which isn't necessarily a good thing. It's started happening some already and I hate it. Instead of saying anything I'll just leave him be with his work business here at home and some nights we hardly say a word because he's so busy and I know I can't complain.....
Love=hate.
I know it's much more extreme right now because of them getting ready to leave, but to me that's when I want him "home" more!
Whenever we've had one of our tiffs about this I always tell him I wish he could find the off switch and know when to "be home."
Now I think that another part of my frustration is not having anyone to talk to about it.

That's where I truly hurt.
I hurt for more than communication with my husband.
I hurt for any positive encouraging communication with anyone.
A physical someone.
Cell phones and FB only can go so far for me.
I always had considered myself as someone who could handle being alone and that's why I'd be such a rockstar military wife.
I was so wrong.

Now that it's gone I never knew what I had. I always look back on my senior year of college with a ton of regret. I was so busy with work, internships, full ride scholarships, school, RESPONSIBILITIES, that I really have made my own bed that I am currently sleeping uncomfortably in.
Probably the biggest regret I've had in my life so far.

I still think I am a rockstar military wife cause I take on my house and wife duties with a smile and consider it my duty.
I really do.
I feel like that support is the best I can give to my husband and all his soldier friends that I see/meet.
But it doesn't mean the smile is always there willingly.

Duty: a moral or legal obligation/ a responsibility. 


Don't we all have obligations or responsibilities that we don't necessarily like?
That's possible, right?
John's is a legal obligation, that's for sure. LOL.
Mine is a moral responsibility.

For lunch we went to one of our favorite sushi/hibachi restaurants and ended up at a cooking table with a family that had just come from the same sermon we had.
There was two grandparents, and then there daughter was there with her three kids (the daughter's hubs was out sick).
Really delightful people.
They have been going to that church for a while so we kind of picked their brains over lunch about small groups and about church info.
I feel like we are headed in the right direction.
John even made the comment that if we continue going there we should really start paying our tithe there. He's never said that about any church we've been too.
Supposedly soon the spring small group schedule will be coming out so John and I are ready to jump on board.
I've GOT to find something before he leaves or I really will be LOST.

Breaded Chicken Strips

2 tbsp flour
1 c. italian season bread crumbs
1 whisked egg
2 tbsp oil
raw chicken strips
ziploc baggie

FYI: This recipe is a little messy by yourself so I suggest having the baggy propped open to easily drop the chicken in or drag your friend or hubs to help! ;)

Pour italian season bread crumbs into baggie for later use.
Have oil on low/med heat with a med sized skillet
Sprinkle flour on a plate large enough for the chicken strip to fit all the way across.
Roll chicken around in four until evenly coated.
Dip strip in egg coating and place in the baggie (I fit three strips in at a time)
Shake until evenly coated and place on heated skillet.

Cook about 8-10 minutes rotating sides frequently to prevent burning.

Chicken Salad Success

1 c. or so of cooked chicken cut into bite size pieces
1 c. cottage cheese
1/4 c. relish
1/2 c. dried cranberries
1-2 hardboiled egg(s)
Pinch of sea salt


SO good, and made an awesome "work" lunch for a couple days. 

How I Met Your Mother

Well the weekend is almost over and getting ready for another work week.
Work has been pretty busy.
Everyone tells me this is our "slow" time, so the fact that I have managed to stay completely occupied has me a little nervous for these summer months! I'm ready though.
My co-worker, Jeanette, and I were asked to create some Fall '10 designs for Dicks Sporting Goods which we spent countless hours on before and a little after Christmas into the new year. I turned them in right at the beginning of January and we have started to see some fruits of labor begin to produce. Pretty soon I will be able to walk into Dicks and say, "Hey, I designed that."
I'm excited for that moment. I have had that experience one other time when I went to Kohl's and found a UNC design I had done. THAT design though was not a concept I originally came up with though, so this Dick's experience is my true first and I'm pumped. :)

This last week I stuck to my work out routine and am REALLY enjoying it. I go on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. However, if you have read any of my current FB statuses, I tried a new class done by my spin instructor, Amy (who is the size of my pinky mind you).
Oh, Amy.
Besides being 27 and looking like she could def be in college, she is a teacher by day so she is always full of way too much spunk for the "torture" she puts us through. :)
Monday spin went great.
Wednesday spin we had a full class where I was finally not the newest person in the class, but was acknowledged as a "regular."
Weirdly enough, that was a really awesome feeling.
Being a "regular." LOL.
Well, on Mon and Wed Amy said that she was teaching the special "class of the month" the women's gym puts on for Saturdays only.
Usually it's a fun class like belly dancing or something real random, but fun.
Well her version of "fun" was doing a kickboxing/cardio/toning bootcamp. This was her first time doing the class of the month, so I felt like as a "regular" I should support her. HA!

Bootcamp should have been my clue. Sigh.

She said there'd be a different instructor here for spin on Sat if we wanted, but if we wanted to try something new on Saturdays, we should come to her class. Well, I figured why not, right? Something new, something different to challenge me. Believe me, spin is still a challenge. You can go to it everyday and it will still be a challenge, but kickboxing and toning perked my interested so I figured I'd go for it.
Saturday I woke up and told John all the sudden I had a bad feeling about this class.
I've been working out three days a week for about a month now.
That's coming off of NOT working out for about 4 years.
Hence my easing myself back into a work out routine.
I told him I was REALLY nervous that this may kick my butt so bad that I'm going to get really discouraged.
Turns out I was right!
OMG. Amy!!!!! I  have never "hated" you so much until that class.

"How you ladies doing!?!?"
Silence/panting/death.
"Ladies! If you don't yell anything back at me I'm going to think you're bored and am going to pick up the intensity!!"
I don't think I ever wanted to scream at someone so loud in my life (I didn't scream though, I'm not the hooting while I work out type)!

I could go on for a while typing out all the insane stuff she was having us do (do jumping jacks with 10 pound barbells for a couple minutes and you'll get my drift) but instead all I will say is I got in my car afterwards and my eyes teared up.
What the HECK am I doing here?!!!?
I drove to the salon to my nail appointment and most likely freaked Christina, my nail technician with my ranting. I was honestly just pissed.
Kind of defeated.....maybe??
Mad for letting myself go to something like that when I wasn't ready, mainly.
I'm over it now, I've got the sorest butt muscles I have ever had IN MY LIFE.
It hurts to sit, it hurts to stand. I need to invest in a butt doughnut between spin and this madness.
I'm going to sound really defeatist in saying this, but I don't think I am going to go back to it.
Not right now anyways.
I need to get into better shape before I succumb myself to this type of torture.
What she had us doing wasn't HARD.
I just wasn't ready.
SO, in the mean time, I am going to go to my spin classes.
I have an appointment on Tuesday with a trainer for my free session I got when I joined the gym.
I'm actually excited for this.
I know I'm going to be weighed and measured and all that humblingness, but I honestly can say for once I won't mind it. It's going to give me a stepping stone.
Even more humbling, I'm going to post all the info of my measurements, etc on here so I can look back and keep myself accountable.
After all, that's the reason I'm doing this!

Ok, recipe time.
Last week tried my first pot roast in a crock pot and it tasted pretty friggin good if I say so myself. It's not really diet sensitive, but it's still good!
So, here we are with a little tweaks I learned.

1 rump/shoulder roast
2 cans of garlic cream of mushroom soup
1 soup can of water
2 cloves minced garlic (I bought the minced garlic in a jar and measured it out to be about 1 to 1 1/2 tsp as equivalent to the two cloves)
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 tsp basil
1 tsp oregano
6 small red or golden potatoes, quartered
1/2 a diced onion (or 1 tsp onion powder)
3 c. chopped carrots
3 c. chopped mushrooms

Set cooker on L. Chop onions. Remove as much fat as possible from roast and discard. Add roast, soup, water, onions, and your herbs and spices.
Simmer for 4-6 hours, stirring every once in a while.
After about 4 hours or so, add the rest of the veggies and simmer for another 1-2 hours.
WARNING: The smell is AMAZING! My kitchen smelled so good!!  :)

Tweaks: The potatoes were a little underdone so next time I think I am going to lift the whole roast out of the cooker, add the rest of the veggies, and then put the roast back on top of all the veggies. That way they are more submerged into the juices and liquids and should turn out more cooked.

This week I made my own breaded chicken strips for work. I'm going to try them at work tomorrow, so if they turn out I'll post it on here. I am also in the process of cooking my first pork shoulder for BBQ pulled pork sandwiches and am also about to mix a cranberry chicken salad together. If they turn out I'll put 'em up here.

So the title of my post, "How I Met Your Mother."
Never watched the show, but goes with the sermon I heard today.
John and I went back to a church we visited a while back. They are pretty large, but it's what I am more used to, so I enjoy it.
They have four services a day, and I'd say the 10 am one we went to, easily had about 500-700 in it.
You can easily get lost in the crowd, but the style of music and such is much more our style.
Not sure if it was divine intervention or what, but we got a flier in the mail from them that this Sunday they were starting a "Let's Talk About Marraige" series and it's based famous TV shows.
Next Sunday is "Lost" (effective communication).
Then "Desperate Husbands" (roles in marriage).
"Desperate Housewives" (roles in marriage).
Then finally "Sex in the City" (Rated R for romance) (LOL).

Well, "How I Met Your Mother" was a sermon on how/why God invented marriage.
It focused mainly on the concept of becoming one, "oneness" that is presented in Genesis.
The part that spoke most to me was when the issue of friends/work/hobbies become more important and start dividing you in your mental/psychological/emotional/physical oneness.
Being military that is John and I's number #1 issue.
We constantly struggle to have a defined line that his job, which defines our livelihood, has in our lives/marriage.
I am CONSTANTLY nagging John to find the "off" switch when he gets home and to stop working.
Quit writing counselings.
Stop calling and texting your soldiers.
Quit studying.
Your home now, what gives!?!?!
His job takes up 90% of his life. Period. Whether he wants it to or not.

Then there is the side of me where I KNOW I have to respect what he does because it has not only given us what we have, but it's what he LOVES to do. Who am I to stand in the way of our own family's success?
Then there is the friend issue.
I have none here, so it's more of his friends! LOL.
Now, don't get me wrong. His friends are great. He considers them his brothers, so they instantly become important to me as well.
The problem lies with the fact that he works with them all day, they come to our house for dinner, we go out to dinner with them every weekend because it's good for "morale."
It's cause they work hard all week and they want to "let their hair down and relax."
Together.
All the time.
Ugh.
And here comes my personal conflict.
He's with them all the time, why do we have to hang out with them on the weekends? Why do we have to go out with ALL of them (we're talking tables of 20-30 here)??
Why not just a select few for sanity's sake!?!?
Because they are a team. They are brother's they do it all together.
Part of me thinks I'm just jealous cause I don't have a group that I could do the same with like I used to in CO or in OK.
I actually think that's a lot of it.
When it's the weekend I want to hang out with my husband who is pretty much MIA at work all week. Yes, I am selfish with how I want my weekend, and in this instance I don't think that's a bad thing.
This slight bitterness from me has made me start to get annoyed by his friends.
Which is REALLY not good.
These are the guys that make sure he comes home to me at the end of the day.
At the end of field missions.
At the end of crazy deployments.
These guys represent the protection my husband needs when he is in harms way.
So why do I have a slight chip on my shoulder.....??

I'm still trying to figure this out. It's an odd conflict and I don't think it'd be such a big one if I had girl friends of my own. That's another thing I'm working on, but right now it's not there. So this is all I think about.

My responsibilities are cut out for me.
There aren't many that I can look to that are in my exact same shoes and see success.
I see a lot of bitter people.
Husbands that'd rather be out with their joe's than at home because of the bitterness their home represents.
I'm trying to NOT be that way which is why it's on my mind constantly.
My marriage will NOT be a military statistic.

I will ALWAYS be the best support I can be for John and all his friends that do what they do.
No one, not even me, can understand the things they have to do.
Therefore, I put my heart and soul into being the most understanding, flexible, supportive wife AND friend I can be and hope that my efforts will be the example I can't find elsewhere.

Sacrifice

I have such mixed emotions about the day of Sunday.
One of the first reasons that comes to mind is it's the last day of "freedom" before going back to work.
Secondly, John and I have started church "shopping" again, so our usual two day sleep-in slumber is now cut short to one. Not an unworthy sacrifice by any means but considering how busy our jobs keep us, it's become more cumbersome than I imagined.
Last week is when we began going again and we started this adventure starting with something safe by attending the Nazarene church here in town. Since last Sunday came up after a holiday not very many people were there. Thirty including us as a matter of fact. So we decided to go back and give it a fair shot because of that. I am glad we did. They have the traditional service and then their conservative one that we've gone to. The music is TERRIBLE, so we showed up late on purpose. Their usual senior pastor was there and he's a southern hoot. He's not your traditional Nazarene pastor where he sits there in a traditional stance and reads from the Word. He's extremely expressive and runs/jumps all over the stage with emphasis. I loved it.
His message really spoke to me and made me think a lot about what I am doing here in Fay and was a definite kick in the pants about my attitude.
As I am sure most churches touched on this week or last week, it was concerning New Year resolutions. He spoke about if you look up the formal synonyms for the word "resolution" that is gives very good similar verbage except the world "sacrifice." In order for it to be a resolution you are "scarificing" something in order to better yourself. Whether it be sleep, overtime, tv time, Facebook time....etc.
His first point with this concept is that we all need to sacrifice our attitudes towards each other. That was a kick to the stomach for me.
I have a horrible attitude.
Primarily because of where I physically am.
Attitudes are contagious.
And I'm extremely infected.
A little to my defense one has to consider where in the country I live. Even the pastor touched on that. Extremely humorous to me that a pastor would admit it's hard to have a positive attitude around what we see every day in this town. This was only one point out of several that the pastor made, but it's the one that stuck with me the most.

I live in a demographic where people choose not to work on purpose. They are constantly asking for handouts of EVERY kind.
Have babies to make money off the government. They are taking MY and YOUR money in other words.
Everyday I see pimped out cars (like seriously NICE cars!) driving through town and inside these automobiles are babies in just diapers. Sometimes not even in a car seat or with shoes. They'll sit in store parking lots and come up to you trying to sell you "hot" stuff. They use the kids as tools, saying "I'm trying to get some money to buy my baby shoes...." blah blah blah.....
The drivers/trafffic here are enough to make ANYONE go insane, don't even get me started on that one.
When I worked real estate here, I met a tenant that was 22 years old and was pregnant with her fourth kid. Never worked a day in her life. Was renting the house with her government assistance. Her grandfather was living with them as well so they were using his unemployment and disability to pay for their bills. No father of any kind to these kids in the picture.
I met another tenant one time that freely admitted he got hurt at work on purpose so he didn't have to work anymore. He just collects unemployment and "disability."
Had a prospective tenant come in and show that he made $4000 a month in retirement from the military. Each time he came in trying to get the rental home he'd leave his drink of choice disguised in it's paper bag outside our business door. He came in drunk beyond anything, he wreaked of everything you could name. When we denied his application (we felt he wouldn't take proper care of the house!!) he threatened to sue based off discriminiation since he was a  black man because he was retired military. Um, hello. I AM MILITARY!.......
On my drive from home to my job, I pass 16 strip clubs. I counted one time just out of curiosity. Each one boasting something exploitively better than the next. "Military allowed here" is the most common.

I am sure these examples seem extreme and unfair and it may seem I'm just picking the worst of the bunch that I have experienced, but I promise I am not. There are worse. Those are just the ones that jumped in my head first!

We are getting ready for John's next deployment and the precautions we are taking for me being here alone are not normal in my mind. We are collecting estimates to get our alarm system armed/activated. We are in the market to find me a gun, get me a concealed weapons permit, and get me out to some ranges to learn to use it. We are teaching Hurley to go at someone on demand. Who, besides paranoid people (LOL), do that?!!?

How can instances like any of the above NOT make someone  a lil cranky?? How am I supposed to find joy out of any of this? How am I to be positive? Positive attitude about WHAT?

Then there is the attitude that is portrayed to ME because I am military. Anyone that is NOT military in this town has a chip on their shoulder about the military unless they are collecting from their business somehow. They think we are always looking for handouts, that we are people with money and that we think we are owed something. I get it all the time.

How am I supposed to be happy? How can I have a positive outlook on any of this?? It's no wonder I haven't found friends here. This place has made me defensive. More walls than I have ever had before in my life.
A recluse.
Sometimes prejudice and discriminatory.
I don't WANT to get to know anyone.

But then. Here I am alone and hating it. What gives?

So the pastor's answer: A great resolution/sacrifice for all of us to make would be that in 2010 we will be a person of praise, not a person of complaint.

Ugh. I'm working on it.

Same song NEW verse

The last time I wrote on this blog was January 4, 2008. A year ago. SO MUCH has changed since then.
John and I are both a year (or two!) older. Wiser? Maybe. We have accrued two more animals, all of which we consider our children.

John obviously has the same job, I have a new one and the biggest change of all in that category is that I LOVE mine.

Friends have come and gone that is for sure. More so on John's side than mine, but the changes always make you look at things in a new light. Some for good some for bad.

John has been gone every other month or so. Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee.....I know there are other's just can't remember them all right now. That's what I get for not keeping up with this thing.
The new home feel has now gone. When I first started this blog I was writing about all the new adventures of moving out to NC and John coming home from deployment. Now I wonder when the heck I am going to get OUT of NC and John is getting ready to deploy again. That's probably the largest switcharoo that's in our horizon. I am about to spend a very lonely year alone here in NC. No one to bail me out on this one. Literally.

What else......

Well, I've gained weight. There I said it. John has to, but his was on purpose. So it doesn't count.
I have started my new years resolution early by joining a women's gym to help me get myself back into a routine and back into shape right after Thanksgiving.
Anyone that keeps up with me on FaceBook has seen that I have joined a spin class at the gym and it continues to consistently kick my butt, however it is in the most aggressive relieving way possible.  It's so glorious afterwards. I can't remember the last time I was legitimately dripping sweat on purpose. This work out routine is the main reason that I have come back here to this blog. Considering my human interaction is very minimal in this town I had to find something to keep me accountable.

John's deployment window begins in a month. Anytime between February and April 2010 my husband will leave for 12 months to some vast terrain I would never want to go--but somehow he does. The passion held in that man's heart is a amazing mystery to me. I could never fathom doing what he does, but as he reminds me, he can't fathom doing what I do.
Touche.

During the last deployment I was surrounded by AMAZING family and friends from all aspects of my life in Colorado. Planning a wedding. Watching my big baby brother grow up and go to college. Having my first couple REAL jobs that didn't include a mall. TYL. Although the anti depressants helped (!!) I survived it well and became happily married out of the experience.
Well, now these ugly emotions I thought had long gone have come back to haunt me. The thought of being alone terrifies me. Never thought it was possible in my little world before adulthood, but my life seems to be on repeat right now, so the not so great memories are definitely raising their heads as well.
I'm not sure how this is going to go, but this is why I am here. This is all I have right now besides a cell phone to call home, my three animals, and your ever entertaining Facebook statuses to keep me entertained.

I added the gym to this routine because not only will it be good for me, but it will make me feel like I am working hard with him.
Even if he is not here.
If he can do it. So can I.
If he can go out here and give all he has for something he believes in, who am I not to do the same.
The challenge within this challenge?
Habits mainly.

I moved here to NC a happy content 120 lbs. on my 5'4" frame.
The southern living and cooking loves me a little too much and I am now a fluctuating 150-155 lbs.
I feel ugly. I feel hideous. I have no confidence in anything I do anymore, which is NOT who I used to be. I used to be fearless and flaunting. It sounds bad writing it out like that, but I'd give anything to have that back.
I am constantly second guessing my abilities at work, at home, in my marriage. All because of how I look.
Superficial? Maybe, but I am human.
I own more black now than I ever have. It hides well! I wear hoodies to work everyday and I work in fashion graphic design for goodness sakes. I've been asked three times since this weight gain, when am I due.....if that's not humbling, I don't know what is.

So here I am.

I have started a little early since he hasn't deployed yet. However I know that if I don't start it now, I won't start it at all when he is gone. I'll be to alone and selfish to have the courage.
So.
I am giving myself until he gets home from this deployment to lose 20-30 pounds the good old fashioned way. I'm going to work my butt off for it.
I am going to work on not only losing the poundage but setting myself up with good habits.
Good workout habits, eating habits, extracurricular habits.
I am putting this out there for everyone to see so that I do it.  I care more about what people think than I will ever admit aloud.
This is not just for me, it's for him too. I can work hard too. I may not be fulfilling my duty to my country, I'll let him do that for me.
But I can fulfill my duty as a wife that loves herself and to my marriage which we both need. I need this so I can stop focusing so much on myself and focus more on other things that are honestly way more important.

I need to find friends. I need to find a church. I want to find ways to get involved in the civilian and military communities here.
These habits are more than losing pounds. It's instilling a hope of existence in this insane world we live in and wanting to be a part of it.

So here's to the first of 2010.

Here is to a new year and blessed with  opportunity to get it right.