So the good news is....

John is home in the states! As of last Sunday evening, October 6th, John arrived back at Ft. Bragg, NC from his year long deployment to Afghanistan.
He did it! Hooray!
Getting to this point was not an easy one, unfortunately.
We've stayed pretty mum, up to this point, on a lot of the "coming home" drama, because as usual, the information and status of things changed daily--sometimes hourly.
The few weeks prior to his trek home he was told his LOR papers (letter of release from Afghanistan) was misplaced/lost and until it was found/reproduced he was going to have to stay in country.
For a week or two, it wasn't that big of a deal per se.

The trek home for most deployed soldiers, especially in active war zone countries, are typically very complicated, making stops for sometimes days in other foreign countries waiting for your connecting flight to make it back to the states.
Usually that entails your flight out of said war zone country, to Kuwait where you sit and wait until a flight is available and there are no sand storms postponing those who got there before you. After that it's a free for all which country you'll fly to on the way home (John's done Iceland and Ireland on deployment #1 and #2) and sometimes not even sure what US state you are going to fly into until you are boarding your designated flight!

Proof of life from Stephanie Hendrixson! :)

Another unfortunate part to this process is the communication back home to us is practically nothing while in transit, so you usually never know when they are on the move or sometimes even when they are on their way!

I knew John said he "should be" on his way out of at least Afghanistan that first weekend of October, but with the missing paperwork I wasn't getting my hopes up, there hadn't been any resolution that I had heard about to that point...
So you can imagine my shock when I get a phone call (yes, that's a BIG DEAL) from him a couple days later saying "I'm in Texas," about to board his flight back to ole NC.
I had no clue he'd even left Afghanistan and now he was state side, what!?
This is the most out of the loop I've been out of all the deployments, so sharing the news with family was almost awkward, like I'd been holding out on them or something!
He landed at Ft. Bragg the evening of October 6th and crashed with our long time friends, the Hendrixson's.

This is where things get complicated and completely frustrating.
On October 1st, the US government went into shut down mode, leaving most of us wondering if we were even going to get a paycheck.
What most people don't remember is that this isn't a new situation for us as military.
Our paycheck's being "held" has happened before.
It's not something you are truly prepared for, even if you know it's coming, and it always seems to happen at completely horrible/inconvenient times (is there a really good/convenient time? Not really, but ya know...).
Fortunately, for at least us active duty families, our paychecks have NOT been withheld, for now.
However, with this round of government shut down came the furlough of nonessential personnel at US bases around the world and that is where things halted for us personally.

After a deployment a soldier must go through extensive psychological and physical checks and exams before they are "released" back among their families and you.
The people that conduct these post deployment exams/checks were considered "non essential personnel" leaving soldiers who just came home, without access to the essential exams/checks needed to get their post deployment leave to be with their families AKA: they have to go into work the next day and resume business as normal until told different.

What this meant for us:
John is in NC.
Brynlee and I are in CO.
John is home, but not home with us...so really, it doesn't count.
Total days away from us, except his two week mid tour leave in May, totals 377 days as of October 6th, when he arrived in NC.
We're depending on his leave/time off for him to come to CO to help us move back to NC to be a family again.

So, what to do?
THAT was the question that I sat here trying to figure out.
Do I try to move Brynlee and I myself?
Do we just forget about his leave and just go to him?
Do I hire someone to do this for me?

It really amazes me that when you find yourself in the most twisted/helpless of situations that God can really show through and show who is really in control.
Within two days of John being "back at work," the furloughed personnel that conduct these exams were sent back to work (without pay) and John was able to make his exam appointments to finally get his leave granted to him (like he hadn't earned it yet or something?).
We officially bought a plane ticket yesterday for him to finally come to Colorado on October 21st.
Although that still feels like a world away from now, I think after all this, we can get through one more week!

John with Patterson and his family.
They had a "Welcome Home"
dinner for him, so blessed!

John also surprised me with instead of taking the "usual" two weeks of post deployment leave, he's going to take the maximum of 30 days off so we can not only move, but truly live together as a family for a while before we establish our new family life/routine.
Maybe even go on a family vacation...who knows. ;)

We're so blessed to have such a supportive group of family and friends here in CO, that one more week with out daddy, although not ideal, is totally doable.
We're also blessed with our friends, we call family, back in NC that are such a huge support system especially while John is there readjusting.
One thing I have learned while being married to the military is that the relationships you invest in while living this lifestyle, they really can be invaluable and forever.
I could go on forever about the benefits and blessings I've been given by having some of the most patient, selfless, understanding, and flexible friends and families there that have made our time at Bragg bearable and makes me excited to go back, even if it means leaving our "real" family.

Here's to the last week of "missing daddy"-dom. We can do this!

In the home stretch...

So, considering midtour leave was three months ago, I should probably quit writing about it. ;)
Our focus is elsewhere nowadays.
Since then I've finished another semester of school, Brynlee is walking, we've had several long overdue friend reunions, some major garage sale scores, summer fire disasters, Mt Rushmore on the 4th of July, and more outings and activities than I care to admit.

After John left us and went back to his beloved Denzel in Afghanistan, life got back to what we call "normal."
On Memorial Day my parents and I hosted a BBQ and were in the scurry of things getting things cooked and cleaned for people to arrive. I was sitting on the couch for a couple minutes with B sitting in her little chair next to me....As I sat there she stood up and just straight walked out of the room. That's how Brynlee walked for the first time.
It was pretty epic.
The girl went from standing and never walking to pretty much running and hasn't looked back since.

In November I got to go to my 5 year college reunion in OK.
Fittingly, in May I got to attend my 10 year high school reunion here in town with a great myriad of friends, some I hadn't seen since we walked the stage.
We had a fantastic time, however this reunion was very bittersweet as our beloved Wasson High School was voted to be closed down after the 2013 high school year due to city budget cuts.
Before it closed I also got to go by the campus for one of my favorite and most influential teachers, Mrs. Tabet's, retirement party at the auditorium. After saying our hellos and seeing even more friends from "back in the day," I walked Brynlee through the halls of the high school telling her, "this is where we ate lunch," "this is where mommy got detention for being late to class..." "this is where daddy and mommy met."
I never got emotional about the school closing until I was actually there and started talking to her about
Sigh.
It got SUPER emotional in those moments.
I wouldn't have this baby or this life it weren't for that school.
Good times, good friends, good memories. RIP.

In June I finally didn't feel so helplessly far away from home in getting to experience the Black Forest Fire. Although my family lives a good 5-10 miles from the fire site, it still hit home with how many people we knew who were effected. Our neighborhood was never evacuated but definitely smelled like a camp site and was hazed over a lot of the time. I am not sure being here made it any better than being away last summer during the Waldo Canyon Fire. Although the fire is out and the sifting and saving has begun, we're still dealing with the repercussions of Waldo with significant flooding, almost daily of our highways and interstates to the point where people are dying and more homes are being destroyed because of LACK of trees and foliage.
Keep our state in your thoughts and prayers.
People are rebuilding and putting their lives back together, with all of us knowing that it could start all over again anytime.

June did have it's good times though.
My brother graduated college this last May from Evangel University, moved back home, and just got his first post school job working for T Rowe Price here in Colorado Springs.
We had a belated graduation party for him to celebrate.
It's so weird to see my little "big" brother all grown and an adult now.
Aauugghh!!
The best part of having him home for me is watching him be an uncle to B!
They have such a neat relationship where sometimes hanging out with him is the only thing that will get her to mellow out. He's so patient with her and I'm so blessed to have him in her (our) life.

Speaking of blessings, obviously our Father's Day wasn't typical, so we made it a Papa's day and took Papa fishing at Manitou Lake. This was B's first fishing trip and she was kind of a crank, but between my mom and I, he got some fishing done and we had fun hiking and walking around.
Definitely missed her daddy though!

My dad's oldest sister, Anna, made the trip to Colorado from California for some quality time with all of us. I loved getting to introduce her to Brynlee and still have Aunt Liz to meet her before I'm pretty sure she's met everyone! We are so blessed to have so many friends and family members genuinely vested and interested in being a part of my daughter's life.




For the 4th of July we ventured out for not only our first family trip in years but also with a baby in tow. When I was a kid we had planned a family trip to Mt. Rushmore that didn't end up working out thanks to Sturgis Bike week and we never re-planned it after all these years!
So now with me here and Drew done with college, we weren't sure of another time we could all go on a family trip together, so we were determined to make this work.
Surprisingly enough, Brynlee did AMAZING.
Even more surprisingly she didn't nap the entire way there (it's a little over a 5 hour drive), falling asleep literally within minutes of getting into town.
Apparently Mt. Rushmore is a popular place to go to for the 4th, so we couldn't get into the park. We parked on the side of the road with everyone else and watched the mountain light up in the distance.
We spent the next day at Bear Country USA looking at all the wild animals, then going back to the park and touring/hiking Mt. Rushmore.
It's seriously such a neat place to go, I would suggest it to anyone who enjoys the outdoor patriotic sights! Brynlee even loved walking and hiking around.
We also visited the Crazy Horse Memorial which is still under construction to this day--the history of it was very culturally intriguing.

After our trip I had to deal with one of the hardest issues I've faced during this deployment yet--getting rid of our beloved dog, Hurley.
The move to Colorado was borderline hard on him, moving into a new home, new space, new rules and a mobile baby was just a explosion waiting to happen.
He was constantly on edge, very anxious, among all the usual daily chaos, and the nervousness that grew turned into aggressiveness that I just couldn't deal with anymore. He never bit Brynlee but he did snap at her once when she was falling down and grabbing onto him, and that was the final straw.
To this day I sill harbor some guilt.
I felt selfish for making him move when maybe we should have found him a home in NC where he wouldn't have been as stressed out.
I felt guilty that I couldn't give him the time and attention he needed and deserved.
I actually felt a bit of anger for even being in the situation.
When your husband works with dogs for a living it's a little hard to swallow that you can't control your own house dog!
My brother in law had a friend, single guy (aka: no chaos!) that had his own house and land with even a pond, and was looking for a dog, just to have as a buddy.
He came over and met Hurley and things went so great that I just gave him to him right then and haven't really looked back.
I bawled like a baby that whole weekend and that first week.
I felt like a furry mama failure, but ultimately I knew it was the right thing to do for everyone and looking back on it now (we keep in touch with the guy who now has him) it was the best thing for everyone.
It was that specific sad, bawling weekend where Brynlee picked up the habit of finding Kleenex's and pretended to dab her eyes and blow her nose.
Sigh. My little sensitive soul child.
It's amazing how observant they are, even at this young age.
They seriously watch everything you do!

Onto more happy news, the Christian family added a new member on July 20th, when Jakob Lee Christian was born to my brother and sister in law, Jerrod and Brittany Christian. I got to see him minutes after the birth and was so honored to get to be there with them during this special time.
This baby was hard prayed and fought for, so I know his parents are going to do such a great job raising him. Poor little guy has three "rough'n tumble" girl cousins ahead of him and from what I've seen and been told, it appears so far he can hold his own. ;)
Thanks to cousin Jake, Brynlee is obsessed with babies.
She loves patting his head, stealing his carseat, and trying to force him to take a pacie.
I love the way she pronounces "baby" too,  "bebe."
All her dollies are now "bebes" and she rocks them, pats them, and even tries to feed one a bottle, she'll make such a sweet sister someday....someday.

One of the neatest "reunions" I got to be a part of was when my college gal pal, Laurie flew to Colorado with her daughter, Allie, and we got to meet each other's baby girls!
Laurie was one of my biggest supporters (from afar) when Brynlee was born and I was struggling with this whole new mom thing.
Ironically enough, there's a good chunk of 2007 SNU'ers here in CO, so after a day in Denver where Allie and Brynlee got to play at the Denver Children's Museum, we met back in Colorado Springs, where Dana (Fraley) Atarama and Sarah Beals joined us for a long awaited Panera date, like back in the college days, only this time with our little girls in tow (except for Sarah, she's the glorified auntie and we all LOVE her for it!)!! I'm so blessed to know each of these ladies and I'm so glad I have the opportunity to have them in my and my daughter's life.

This last month alone Brynlee's knowledge and awareness has just exploded. She can point to almost all body parts and pronounce most the "easy" ones.
She loves blowing kisses (even to strangers) and has the Miss America wave down (her gma Mimi would be so proud!).
Here in the last couple weeks Brynlee has become obsessed with the potty, so we're headed in that direction. She knows what the potty is, she knows what it's for and she thinks all of the potties are hers.
Sigh.
She actually threw a legitimate "foot stomping" fit because I used "mine potty!"
She has yet to actually go in it, but she'll occasionally come up to me exclaiming, "Mama, potty!"
We'll go sit on it, sing the ABC's together and then diaper back up. I haven't taken on the task of full blown potty training yet. Part of it is just pure laziness, but the other is that I really wanted to wait until John got home so I'd have some more reinforcements and support in the effort. I'm really tired of doing all these major stepping stones by myself, so I figure here's a great icebreaker for him and her, haha!
In all honesty, I am thinking that for sure by her 2nd birthday she'll be potty trained.
Exciting, liberating, money saving, yet sad at the same time.
Where'd my "bebe" go!?

The most recent "reunion" I got to partake in was of the unique type--a bachelorette party!
My dearest friend Holly from college is getting married and her SNU roommate and my "buddy in freshman year crime," Kelly, was hosting her bachelorette party in Houston. When I got the invite, I never dreamed of going and settled for making the drive to the actual wedding in NM, but Kelly made it happen where I could come for a quick 36 hour "party like a rockstar!" weekend and it was fantastic! ALL of these girls I hadn't seen since college or even later and it was SO neat to reconnect with them and celebrate Holly.
I cannot wait until her wedding next month!

Brynlee is almost 19 months now and I swear she just grows more and more everyday.
We had our 18 month/final photo shoot with the always amazing, Holly Pacione, and Brynlee couldn't have been more perfect.
I think I'm finally finding the positive side of having a camera in her face since birth.
Within the first 5-10 minutes she was just cheesing it up for the camera, putting on such a show.
Blowing kisses, doing her Miss America wave, yelling "Chhheeeeeeeee!!!" (she won't put the 's' on the end, we're still working on it!)
It was the least amount of work I think I've ever had to do during any baby photo session we've done!
She's such a little explorer wanting to touch and see everything and it made for so many great photo ops.
Holly, being the amazing gracious photographer that she is, allowed me to lump in some cousin pictures at the end of our session, so my sis in law's, mother in law, my mom and the three other cousins joined us at Monument Lake for what was the most chaotic part of our photo shoot.
How Holly managed to get ANY good pictures of a seven, two and a half, one and a half, and a four week old baby is beyond me--but she did!

Its the end of August which means October is practically tomorrow.
As of today, we are at 336 days of daddy being gone.
I can sincerely say, I'm not sure how I've done it except through grace and the support of all of you-- friends and family.
That is literally the only way I've gotten through some of these days!
The hard times are far from over.
We still don't know where we are moving back too (need to find a house!).
We still don't know how all our stuff is going to get back to NC...(who wants to drive our stuff in a UHaul to the east coast?? Anyone?? Haha).
We don't know what obstacles we're going to face in making us all get back together again, but changes are coming, and coming fast, and we're literally counting down the days!

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

Midtour-Vegas

Geez, is this post late or what.
I have to admit I've come back and worked on it probably 5 times before I finally stapled my butt down to finish it.
It no longer has its fervor, flavor, or passion behind all the drama it describes--it's something I can look back on now and laugh but if you were friends with me on FB during this time, I think it was fairly obvious that our mid-tour trip to Vegas was an interesting one.

We had been talking about going for months, but with not knowing exactly when John was coming home, it was next to impossible to actually plan anything in advance.
Once he was home we still weren't even sure we wanted to go-neither of us were sure that we wanted to leave Brynlee!
I have never left her overnight before, this was a first for me, but ultimately it came down John's family offering to watch her for us that made us decide to go.
I booked the tickets and hotel through Travelocity, whom we've used before, which also got us free tickets to shows.
First lesson learned, insert here: I booked the trip based off time of day we wanted to leave, not the airline.
So, on travel day we packed the car up with one suitcase to check in and one to carry on and drove off to Denver for our adventure, with our flight scheduled to leave at 11 am.
Second lesson learned here: Spirit Airlines, whom we were traveling with, charges MORE for carry on bags than check in bags. $40 to check in yet $50 to carry on if it's not a purse or backpack. So, at check in I opted to save a few bucks by checking in both bags and not carrying on anything but my purse and our personal stuff.
Third lesson learned here: That was a mistake. At least with Spirit Airlines it's a mistake!
We checked in our bags and didn't see them again until the day before we left.

So we get to our gate and everything is good to go.
People have already started drinking (this turned into a big "uh-oh" later on in the night) and were dressed to hit the strip (not necessarily in a good way).
We boarded our flight and were excited to see we were both seated in first class!
John's used to this, being military when flying on civilian flights, I, however, am not, and was pretty stoked.
It lasted about 45 minutes while we sat there...in the plane....at the gate...not going anywhere.
They finally asked us to deplane for mechanical issues and that there would be about an hour delay.
So we went and got lunch and hung out at the gate waiting for our queue...
Two hours later they got on the gate mic and announced that they were having to delay us for another two hours...it's now 4 pm, and the previously mentioned drinking people are starting to get a little rowdy.
We were told over the intercom to plan on boarding at 6 pm.
So we headed up to the DIA USO for some snacks, TV and comfy recliners, charging our phones, realizing we could have driven to Vegas in the time we'd been sitting at the airport.
So at 5:45pm we go back down to our gate and they said that they were still a little bit delayed but to check back in another hour...sigh.
We got dinner and headed back to our gate, about 6:40pm, to find our plane pulling away from the gate and headed down the runway...with our checked in luggage in it's belly and without us!
We ran up to the podium where they shrugged and said they had announced boarding over the intercom (which I swear to this day they didn't) and that there was nothing they could do.
So off our luggage went and there we stayed at DIA with the next available flight not leaving until 10 pm, another three hour wait....
While waiting back at the USO we saw another flight to Vegas through another airline leaving at a gate by the one we had missed. We went down to it, out of curiosity, where we found several of our fellow "missed flight" passengers waiting anxiously to see if they could get on stand by.
There were about 20 of us that "missed our flight."
The people that had been drinking were now getting belligerent and unfortunately security was called down to the gate and several people were being escorted away and detained with reports being filled out...SSIIGGHH.
We finally got on the 10 pm flight and made it to Vegas around 11ish and went to the Spirit Airlines customer service office to find our luggage.
Yeah, so, that flight that we "missed??""
Yeah, it actually never took off.
They got to the run way and turned back around because of more mechanical issues.
Therefore WE were finally in Vegas, our luggage, however was NOT (another couple that were on our original flight and were in the office when we were, had their wedding the next day and her wedding dress was in their 'didn't make it' luggage, oh blessed!).

Oh wait, this hilarious story doesn't end there...that'd be way too easy!
I had gotten our name on a shuttle list to drop us off at hour hotel from the airport, so we got on the shuttle with about 10 other people and started making the rounds up and down the strip waiting our turn to get to the New York, New York.
Well, we drove by it....and around it.....three times, while the driver dropped off people at their other hotels...It got to the point where there was us and one other guy in the shuttle who was staying on the opposite end of the strip. I finally got up and looked on his itinerary of hotel drop-offs and NY, NY was not even on it.

We finally got to our hotel around 1 am.
Middle of the day in Vegas!
We were so exhausted and hungry that we ordered room service, some alcohol (no judgements!), and passed out.
Vive Las Vegas?
Not so much.

 Besides not getting our luggage until the day before we left, therefore having to pay $10 for deodorant and toothpaste, the rest of the trip was great!
John had never been to Vegas before and the time I went, we didn't tour the strip (we were there for a soccer tournament, same weekend Brittany Spears got married in Vegas for like 10 hours, haha) and I wasn't old enough to do anything, so even though I had been there, I was SUPER excited to actually get to do stuff!
We toured the strip, walking up and down and all around, eating and drinking our hearts out.
That "first" night we went to the MGM Grand and saw the Cirque du Soleil show Ka, which was AMAZING.
We had fantastic seats and even John will admit he enjoyed the show.
After the show we checked off one of my personal bucket list items by eating at a Gordon Ramsey restaurant.
I will still make it to Hell's Kitchen one day, but until then, we managed to get last minute reservations to Gordon Ramsey's Pub & Grill (the winner of this season's Hell's Kitchen 'gets' that restaurant!)  in Caesar's Palace which was seriously some of the best food I've ever had.

John got the infamous rack of lamb, and I got the infamous scallops (if you are reading this, please read that with his English accent, epic).
The next day we toured more of the Strip which included John jumping off the Stratosphere and us making the insanely long and hot trip out to the Vegas sign for a photo op (obviously my idea, haha).

We ended our last night going over to the Monte Carlo for The Blue Man Group prelude and show which was seriously a blast.
Although a very different style than Ka (TBMG is like an adult rave, but kids can go?) it was extremely entertaining and would totally recommend either show to anyone going to Vegas!

Our trip home was thankfully uneventful.
I'm not sure I could have taken much more at that point anyways.

Brynlee stayed with my bro/sis in law and her cousins, Audrey and Emery.
Karen was awesome enough to send us random pics to we could see how B was doing.
This was the first time I had left her for multiple days/nights, but honestly, at this age, I really wasn't worried about her. I knew at least her cousins would be looking out for her. ;)

Well that's one more city/experience off OUR bucket list and although it didn't go as planned, I wouldn't have changed anything else about it. We had a GREAT time and it was the exact break we needed to get to hang out the two of us, after 8 months apart (219 days to be exact, but who's counting?).
Now, we need to just get this deployment done, move back to NC, and see what new adventure and travels come our way, but this time, finally, as a family!

Midtour

So I started writing this a while ago and got totally sidetracked.
It's kind of pointless to write about it all at this point, but I'm hoping to have this to look back as reference if anything!
So anyways!
Oh midtour, how crazy you always are.
Our first midtour? Got married.
Second midtour? Got to meet our newest, one day old, niece Emery and ski Breckenridge.
Third, well....a lot.
The only thing they all have in common is Colorado. :)
I guess it's pretty obvious it's our home and we've made more than memories here, if it weren't for the Army, our lives would be here.
For Christmas, Brynlee "made" her daddy a stack of tickets to be spent on midtour and/or when he got home. Each ticket was an 'Admit One' to a father/daughter activity listed on the ticket.
So we spent the midtour spending his tickets on all sorts of family and father daughter activities and although they weren't all spent, we got pretty darn close!
Everything is pretty much flooded on Facebook but there were some major highlights for sure.
Such as:

Getting her first brainfreeze at FOTF-Whit's End--and John laughed.

John and his best friend getting to hang out with their little girls for the first time together. We all went to high school together so just seeing things come full circle is crazy awesome in itself.

Dates with both nieces at the park and for sushi!

Attempting a pool visit that didn't go so great, but was still fun.

 Riding a Harley.

A trip to Denver to the Aquarium and to introduce John to the wondrous world of Ikea. He wasn't as impressed as we were, except for the meatballs.

Finally, some new family pictures with our favorite CO photographer, Holly Pacione.

In between all the madness we had some fantastic family down time. Since my parents were gone for a good chunk of the beginning of his leave we had the house to ourselves and it allowed for some amazing memories of doing nothing but sitting and playing as a family.
It's something that you can totally take for granted if you don't know what it's like to be without.
Although I'm fully aware I signed up for this lifestyle, it's hard for me at times to see pictures of a lot our friends out on their weekend family outings and not totally be envious!
I think any military spouse can relate to that.
But, here for two weeks, life really was that great.
All the pics posted were really how awesome things were for the time he was here.

I have to say that I was SO proud of Brynlee.
She did SO great hanging out with her daddy.
I was so worried that there was great potential for her to not respond to him in a positive way and she was SO great.
Can I say SO enough, sigh....
I just have to give her amazing props.
I think she actually knew who he was, and although she was shy at first, by the end of midtour things just felt so normal, like he never left.
I was also really proud of John.
We were both mentally prepared for her to possibly not respond well and he was so patient with her and it was a beautiful thing to see.
She has the best daddy, and I really have the best husband.
We may only get to be a family every other year, but when that year is here, especially now with Brynlee joining the mix, we're so blessed and we know it and appreciate getting to share it with you.

Midtour-The Airport

We had a general idea of when John was going to be coming home for his midtour leave.
Ironically enough the estimated week was the same week as my finals.
Go figure, right?
Well, we had an estimated date of May 1st, of which was the one off day I had that week between my finals.
Wouldn't you know, for the first time ever in our time in the Army, I got the call that he was coming home a day early.
While most would find this good news, which I ultimately did, but I also instantly got a sense of panic.
That day early was the first day of my finals!
Before I called/texted/emailed/messaged any family I immediately got in contact with my teachers about my final.
I have to tell you, after going to a private university, I was not expecting much from a community college and was expecting to do the majority of the teaching/work myself.
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
I have met some of the most inspiring, talented, and down to earth people at PPCC and thanks to these people and (I have to pat myself on the back a little bit) me having perfect attendance and just being a super cool student (haha) I was allowed to turn my stuff in late and then not even take the finals. Straight A's in both of them without taking the final.
Three A's total.
This mama is stoked!

Anyways!
So I get my classes taken care of and then am in a panic about getting everything ready for John to arrive with one day less than what I thought I had.
Nothing you can do can fully prepare you for these long awaited two weeks.
This is our third deployment.
Midtour, all three times, have been very different.
This one was one for the record having the babe in tow.
As of that day, he'd been gone for 218 days.
For the first time, in all the times I've done this, I was nervous.
Nervous more for him and her, than me.
I was nervous she would cry.
I was nervous she wouldn't recognize him or even like him.
I was nervous that he'd get hurt feelings if she did cry or not like him.
We had talked about this before he came, that he couldn't get hard feelings if she didn't react well, but it's easier said than done.
Because of him coming a day early, my parents and GG were able to come to the airport with us (if he were on time they'd have already left for my little bro's graduation in Missouri) as well as my mother in law and one of my brother in law's.

Of course his plane was a little late, but he finally walked out of the terminal and now it was time for B to perform.....except she didn't really.
We stood there together, her holding a picture of them before he deployed.
She'd look at the picture...look at him...look at the picture...look at him.
That's about has far as it got.
Finally my mother in law just took her from me and handed her over to him and I cringed waiting for her to do her "stranger danger!" antics.
But she didn't and and I was SO relieved!
She let him hold her for a while, sometimes with a cautious eye, but most the time pretty distracted with everyone else fluttering around giving hugs and congratulations.
By the end of the day, a mere 5 hours later, we were home and she was dragging over books to her dada and crawling into his lap just like they were BFF's.
The fun was just beginning....

Brynlee approved walking buddy.

Showing her pictures of Afghanistan
on his iPhone.

Pre Midtour Madness

SO, I haven't posted in a while and I'm beyond fully aware.
So much has changed and happened since March (OMG, MARCH?!) that I had to pull out my trusty handwritten planner to figure out what in the world we've been doing here lately.
So, end of March we had Easter.
This Easter was unique in that we actually got to participate in the usual Easter activities which included epic Easter dress pictures with the cousins, egg dying, Easter service, and having friends and family over for an awesome Easter meal.
Brynlee dying eggs was the most hysterical thing ever and I ended up with a "Hulk hands" kid, SO worth it.

All the while, Brynlee's tummy issues remained a mystery. We continued appointments with allergy and gastro docs doing tests and consults with no answers. All in all she's been tested for over 30 things including food, plant, tree, and pollen allergens all of which have come back negative. Even bananas that we knew she was allergic to, came back negative.
Around the time of her horrible topical reaction it seemed like the tummy issues all but went away, almost a thing of the past.
I don't want to jinx us, here two months later, but all in all, things have actually been really good and seem normal, but still no answers to what she broke out to or what she was having tummy issues from.

I finished my condensed course (Design and Color) the end of March.
What a psycho 5 weeks it was!
I have to give a HUGE shout out to every single member of both our families that made this condensed course possible for me. I was gone to class all day Saturday and Sunday and it took a lot of help and patience from all the fam in watching Brynlee and giving me the opportunity to get this class under my belt.
Thanks to all the support and help, I earned my first "A" of the semester and learned SO much.
Taking all these classes has reaffirmed for me not only professional confidence in what I do, but also my LOVE for what I do.
How awesome is that!?

During this pre midtour madness time, Brynlee started wearing shoes, started standing without hanging onto anything, walking with her walker, made another trip to the zoo--this time with Emalyn, Brynlee's new BFF--Arya Hyskell was born, walked the March of Dimes with some dear family friends, and grew in four molars as well as the left side's top and bottom canine teeth.

Stubborn non walker. ;)

To our surprise, Brynlee is not walking yet.
I'm 100% convinced she can, she just doesn't want too.
If you watch her standing, walking with her walker or cruising around furniture in the living room, she'll let go and take a step, probably cause she doesn't realize she's doing it, and as soon as she does, she plops on her bum and crawls away.
To be completely honest, I'm in no hurry at all.
It seems like immediately after a kid turns one, if they aren't walking, something is wrong with them.
We all know my kiddo is far from the "norm" when it comes to any specific age "standard," and I hate these stereotypes and assumptions on babies. It makes parents feel like their kids aren't normal.
I know my kid is normal, I also know she's stubborn as a mule.
I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do.
Through experiences in my own family, crawling is so important besides learning to be mobile.
Granted if she's almost 2 and still only crawling then I'll admit that something needs to be looked into, but the hand/eye coordination as well as left brain/right brain development at that stage, with that action, is just so important.
With that, I can sincerely say that I could care less that she's not walking.
I've been asked by tons of people if I'm worried that she's not walking.
Like it's any of their concern to ask, but the answer is no.
However I've been asked so many times I finally asked her doctor about it just to reaffirm my lack of caring, and he waved it off with no more concern than I had.
I do have a suspicion that she'll go from crawling/cruising to running.
Forget walking. Psh.

When life throws you lemons....make sure they are dairy free!

This is the third time I have re-written this post.
Kinda ridiculous, but to my defense, when you read what we've been up too, it's totally understandable how a whole post can become irrelevant on a dime.

To begin, in all honesty, this last month has been really hard.
No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

The week before Brynlee's birthday (January) she had what we thought was a tummy bug.
She had one day of a fever and diarrhea and within twenty four hours, she seemed back to normal, except the diarrhea.
It continued on up until her birthday, so I had her on a bland diet hoping this bug would work itself out aaaannnnnddddd, it never did.
It continued on and on to the point where there was about a week long span where every morning I would wake up to find not only Brynlee's diaper exploded through, but soaked through her pajamas, through her bed sheets, through the mattress pad down to the actual mattress.
Her little bum got so raw and sore she would just cry and cry, cringing at my touch.
There has been nothing more heartbreaking than having your babe cry when you touch them.
I couldn't even hold her on my hip like I normally do, and there were a lot of times where I just cried with her.
I called her doctor once a week for four weeks straight, trying everything they suggested from different diaper rash creams, to different diets,  to lots of diaper-less "air" time (which is now the reason for my loud and proud nudist baby).
It seemed like a new idea would start working and things would appear normal for a day or two, then I would wake up to an exploded baby/bed again and we'd be back to square one.
On Valentine's day her doctor asked me to collect some samples to send to a lab for tests.

LOTS of naky time. 

Let me reiterate.....it was Valentines Day.....and I'm digging through the dirty diapers of the day filling up seven viles of poop to send out for tests.
One for the record books, y'all.
One of the seven tests came back positive, that Brynlee had rotavirus.
Finally an answer, not a good one...actually a really frustrating one, but an answer none the less.
Per her doctor's instructions she went on a complete lactose free diet which also included adding probiotics to her meals throughout the day for the next two weeks.
Like before, things seemed to go well for a couple days then it started all over again.
Thankfully she wasn't blowing through her clothes, but she was having anywhere from 4-6 full diarrhea diapers and her poor bum started getting sore and raw again.
I swear I couldn't change her diapers fast enough or have her naked enough.
I called her doctor who ordered another round of four more tests, including another one for rotavirus, and they all came back negative.
Negative.
Uuugghhhhh.
We were referred to a pediatric gastro-neurologist for further tests.
My graciously patient mother in law came with Brynlee and I on the 11th for our appointment and during her physical evaluation we all noticed a couple little "raspberry" splotches on her inner thighs.
None of us, including the nurses or specialist, thought much of it, thinking it was diaper related from her skin being so raw so much.
Given some antibiotics and a strict dairy/lactose free diet, Brynlee and Gma Connie went home to play for the day while I went to the PPCC campus to do some homework.
I got a call a couple hours later from both my dad and my mother in law that I should come home and take a look at Brynlee because she was breaking out all over.
I came home to this....

Poor babe. Pic on the far right is of her ear. It was so swollen and heavy it started to bend down and out. :(

"She's obviously allergic to
something..." No kidding.

What was really odd is that she was as happy as a clam.
In fact, she was the happiest I had seen her in a long time since this mess started.
We took her to her pediatrician, again, and after swearing on everything that I didn't feed, clean, bathe her in anything different or new, all they were able to do for us is confirm that, yes, she did indeed react to something.
No kidding.
We quit the antibiotics and had a blood draw ordered to test her for the "main" allergies which consists of dairy, gluten, soy, corn, dairy, egg yolk, egg whites, and peanuts.
All came back negative.
So then we were referred to a pediatric asthma and allergy specialist who conducted about 25 skin pricks in Brynlee's back to test more exclusively for any type of allergen that might have caused her hives.
All came back 100% negative.
As much as everyone treated this as good news, I did not.
She obviously reacted to something, what in the world was it!?

In the mean time, go figure, her diarrhea seemed to die down with only a few "bad" diapers on a more random occasion rather than every time, everyday.
One of the hardest parts of all this, besides holding down your kid for skin pricks, is having to do it alone. I know that if John could have been here for this, he totally would.... viles of poo on VDay and all.
It's really hard for BOTH of us to even talk about it when we know it's all really in vain in the end.
I think it helps me vent my frustration, and it helps him to feel like he's helping me in listening, but ultimately it makes him feel very far away and it leaves me feeling very overwhelmed and alone.
It is what it is.

SSG Christian and Denzel. 

Speaking of, I have to take this moment to let you know my husband is a rockstar.
In Army terms, pretty much literally.
John earned his "rocker" (E6) on March 1st and we couldn't be more happy or proud.
Ultimately if we can't all be together as a family we might as well be really successful in what we ARE able to control, right?
I am so proud of him, and Denzel, his K9 bomb dog.
I still wish our communication online could be better.
Besides the obvious time difference, his internet connection is horrible and until recently we were rarely able to finish a conversation before getting cut off or the call dropped.
We send a lot of emails and I send him lots of photos from my phone (yes, I'm a iPhone mom and don't care, judge me in my situation, please).

In the end, I'm not sure where Queen B and I go from here.
She's more than thrilled to have her favorite breakfast of scrambled eggs back as well as her beloved almond milk and string cheese.
She seems to still be doing alright overall, with no real diaper issues that is everyday. I have been keeping a food journal of what she eats (as much as I can, she eats like a teenager, so it's hard to keep up with everything) and really try to make a true effort to see if anything she eats creates any issues.
I am cautiously optimistic, but of course writing it all out is almost setting me up!

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers, always for John's safety while away, but especially for the sick and hurting in not just our little family, but our family as a whole.
Unfortunately, B's sickness is small compared to some members of my family, so we could ALL use your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement!

One down...

So I am fully aware I'm completely behind and am probably closer to Brynlee being 13 months old than her first year mark.
What an absolute chaotic couple weeks it's been!
Christmas came and went.
2013 appeared, which gave me the beginning of my countdown until school started.

I am currently enrolled in 9 credit hours, 6 of which are made up of two classes (Illustrator and Photoshop) that will run from January through May, then one fast track class that starts the end of February (Concepts of Design and Color) through the end of March.
My Illustrator class is a hybrid class that only meets once a week on Monday nights and the rest is done through online lecture, etc.
I love this class because it's primarily made up of other adults most of which are working, so it's a no play zone, we're all here to learn and work, which I appreciate SO much.
Photoshop is my two times a week, day time class, where I'm one of the "old" people in the room.
There are maybe two or three others in the class of about 25 that are my age or older, the rest are all 20-22 years old.
Oh to be "young" again and take classes "for fun."
Sigh...
Anyways, so far the classes are going GREAT but definitely keeping me on my toes.
I am learning SSSOOO much and I'm not even a month into it.
It makes me miss my fellow art department peeps back at MJ Soffe SO MUCH.
Brynlee has adjusted to childcare amazingly and I couldn't be happier.
The fact that I can go to class and NOT think about her makes me feel secure about where she is--it's a great feeling, and allows me to truly concentrate while I'm away.
I'm taking a moment to be "that" person and post my current projects I'm working on/have done so far for classes....

Illustrator.

Illustrator.
Yes, I'm aware the interior is backwards.
Don't ask.

Photoshop.

I got through my first week of class and was 100% on cloud nine.
That Friday, Brynlee caught a 24 hour stomach bug and the puking began.
Pretty much the longest 24 hours of my life, to be honest, besides being in labor with her, haha.
Thankfully the puking only lasted the 24 hours, but the diarrhea was another story.
Brynlee's been sick before, but never like this, so I was totally out of my element.
She wouldn't eat much, (B)RAT didn't seem to be working this time.
If she wasn't her usual perky self I might not have believed she was ever sick at all.
Within 24 hours of her not throwing up anymore, I started too.
The other longest 24 hours of my life!
My poor mom spent her MLK holiday taking care of B, while I set up camp in the bathroom, feeling like death.
The next day, dad.
The next day, mom.
Coming up that weekend? Brynlee's first birthday.
Sigh.
I remember sitting in my room one night, trying not to puke while doing homework, seriously contemplating canceling B's first birthday party.
What a drag that would be?!
I played it by ear, and thankfully by Friday, we were all feeling back to normal, minus B still having bad diapers. We Lysoled the ENTIRE house, and the party was on.
What a great time it was!
**On a side note, I am SO GLAD I started planning it in November. I knew with me just starting school a couple weeks before, that if I didn't start it early, then it might not happen, needless to say, I love it when I'm right and plan ahead!**

We had a snow themed party, for our little snowflake, and of course, go figure, in Colorado on January 26th there was NO snow.
To improvise, I made my own snowballs and we were good to go for outside decor!
We had soups and breads, a hot chocolate station, and then TONS of blue, white, and silver candies and sugary treats you could think of.
Brynlee was totally in her prime.
The more people to pay attention to her, the better.
The girl has got NO shame.
The best part of the party, I have to say, was her cupcake.
I made "baby safe" carrot cupcakes from scratch with whipped cream cheese frosting, thinking if this kid is going to have sugar, it's going to be my way!
I had no preconceived idea of how she'd react to cake, thinking she'd either be all over it, or not care.
She was kind of in the middle.
I plopped down that little cupcake with her "1" candle and she just kinda stared at it, not really knowing what to do...after a while she took the candle out, looked it a few seconds, then tried to stick it back into the cupcake.
Holly, our awesome photographer we use here in CO, suggested smushing her hand into it to "get things going," so I smushed.
Needless to say, it did not go over well.
Poor little Queen B cannot tolerate dirty.
It was pretty much awesome, and thank goodness for grandmas to the rescue from mean mamas.
We had such a great turn out of family and friends.
We are SO blessed to have such a consistent support system.
There's really just no words for how awesome it is.

I got to Skype with John, that night, after her party and tell him all about it.
It was a surprise call, so it was a great way to end the day.

After B's birthday, I was ready to get back to "normal" and really get a routine in place for my school schedule, her childcare schedule, and our together home schedule.
But she still was having tummy issues, here almost two weeks later.
I brought it up at her one year appointment and the ped said with babies it can take longer to kick those kind of bugs, so wait it out a couple more days and see if anything changes.
**Another side note, B is now 18.5 lbs (12% weight), 27.8" (12% length) and 17.5" head (31%, big noodle!) so she is still rather petite, fitting in a solid 12 month clothes. We're also getting in two more bottom teeth! We have 8 teeth total, now that they've completely broken through.**
Well nothing seemed to change in those couple days, if anything, things got worse.
For about 4 days in a row, every morning when she woke up she'd wake up shrieking.
I'd go into her room to find that she not only exploded through her diaper but through her clothes, and on some days, through her sheets.
I was doing laundry for her once a day, seriously.
Blow out after blow out after blow out.
This issue caused us to have our very first diaper rash, EVER, and it absolutely broke my heart into pieces.
There is nothing to describe the helplessness of when your baby cringes at your touch.
All I could do is cry while holding her down and doing my best to keep her "treated" to try to heal.

We spent many mornings "airing out" with her little naked booty scooting all over her room.
She LOVED it and I got peed on often.
It brought back so many memories of when we still lived in NC and the only time I ever did put clothes on her is if we were going somewhere...other than that, she was in just a diaper most the time.
As of today, almost a MONTH since she was first sick, her little bum is still on the mend, but SO much better than it was. Bath times are no longer scary or painful and changing her diaper isn't like wrestling an alligator.

So, Brynlee is now ONE.
She isn't quite walking, but she can pull up like a pro (thanks to all those squats with Papa every morning) and can shuffle along and around things using her hands.
She crawls like a beast, and seriously is a little stealthy ninja.
She's there and gone before you can blink.
With the pulling up, we're just now getting to the point where she can gently let herself down without falling.
THAT took some major work.
I can't tell you how many times she would pull up on something, play a bit, want down and not know how, so she'd just SCREAM panic until someone came to help her.
I went along with it for a little while, but it started getting old, so the "neglectful" mama that I am, decided not to help her down anymore and just let her figure it out.
It took some time, and some major screaming fits, but now she can squat down to where her hands find the ground and then gently kneel or plop down.
Her words are all over the place.
"Bob-bob" is Hurley, our dog.
BUT she also says "dah" every time she hears a dog bark or sees another dog...I think "dog" is well on its way.
"Eow" or "oooowwwww" is still the words for the cats. And it usually sounds more like a question than a statement..."oooowww??"
She just LOVES them, and I think the feeling is mutual on Jax's end.
I even find him sleeping outside her door every once in a while.
Bella could still honestly care less, haha.
We have a southern accented version of bye-bye, which sounds like "bah-bah."
It's pretty much awesome to hear her say it.
It seriously has the perfect southern twang-ugh, it's awesome.
Brynlee is the best head shaker ever.
Can't make the girl do ANYTHING she doesn't want to do--IDK where she gets it.
Want a drink? Shake head.
Want some cheerios? Shake head.
Want ______? Shake head. Hand swat the object.
If she does want it, you'll know. If she doesn't, you'll DEFINITELY know.
With that, she also knows what "no" means and is very attuned to testing those "no" limits.
I try not to say no very much, I use more of the "Don't_____, please."
But sometimes a sharp no is all the time I have!
She tests the limits by not touching something but by hovering her finger over it while looking at you with a complete stoic expression seeing how you'll react.
It's crazy how smart she is.
She is pretty good, for the most part, in following basic instructions.
"Brynlee, do not touch," is a fair example. She might sit and think about it before she crawls away, but she always does. :) (Knock on wood).

There is seriously nothing more neat than watching your child develop.
I love this age.
Everything is so amazing and cool to her and I love to just sit in the living room watching her explore everything.
The hardest part to swallow is when you start seeing traits of yourself in your kids!
Lord bless her, but the TUDE can get intense sometimes.
I know part of this is just a learning experience and up to me to define boundaries, but seriously, it's so hard not to laugh sometimes. I've had to sincerely turn away or straight walk away so she doesn't see me laughing.
I'm laughing more at how unfair this karma all is, cause it's not really all that funny when it comes down to it!
When she has one of her defiant head shaking moments and you try that "one more time?" to make her do something she doesn't want to do, to prove her point she goes "eh!" and swats the item away.
It's like she's saying, "Woman, I've been shaking my head no, how many more times are we going to do this? One more time. Ok, fine..."
Smack!
She hasn't trained me yet. ;)
I KNOW I drive her nuts because I see her looking at me like, "really? ok....."
Sigh...it really is awesome, but I can totally see how kids win their parents out in this arena.
It's exhausting but hilarious.
I can't wait to see what this next year brings!
With barely a month of school under my belt I'm cautiously optimistic.
I feel like she and I both are in really good places right now all things considering and we both have room to grow together and alone.
Doesn't excuse the fact that we miss dada.
We talk about him all the time.
Pretty much any male of any age or race will most likely be called "dada" by her at some point.
Pretty sure Jax is dada quite a bit too.
We miss him bunches.
But, on the flip side, with all that he's been gone for, it sure will be an awesome show she'll get to put on when he's home.
And once again, she'll be in her prime, with all the attention. :)