The Story of Baby Boy Christian

So I'm finally ready to sit my butt down and get this crazy ride of pregnancy while overseas out there for everyone to be entertained by!
Considering he could really come any day now, it's about time!
I've referenced the "finding out" of the pregnancy in prior posts, but there are some fun details I left out since those posts weren't really focused on it specifically, so to backtrack and recap:

John left for ALC in May-June, leaving B and I to travel around to CO, OK, MS, and FL seeing a ton of friends and family along the way.
John and I had been talking on and off about trying to have another baby once we originally got back to NC, knowing Brynlee needed a sibling and when would be the best time to try. We actually even had the talk about her being an only, especially since before Germany orders came through, John was one foot out the door to get out of the Army and go back and finish school.
The last thing we wanted, if he got out, was to have another kid or one on the way.
So once Germany came into the picture and we decided to go for it, I got off the pill when he left for Missouri and that was that thinking by the time we got to Germany and settled the medication would be out of my system and we'd see what happened.

John left.
B and I traveled.
John got home.
Plans in motion for Germany were in full swing, and it took a friend calling me out on it to realize I could actually be pregnant.
I kept pushing it off, thinking there was no way and I wasn't even sure I was late at all, but Steph kept nagging me that my time frames seemed off and I needed to double check.
So I went to my calendar and flipped back to the previous month...nothing...flipped back again...nothing...flipped back again....and finally there was the last cycle I had which was right when John left for Missouri.
Well dang, I guess there is really no other explanation.
I went and got some tests and took one when I got home.
It immediately came up positive and I literally laughed out loud.
What in the world.
I'm moving from this continent in less than a month.....I went out and showed it to John who was so shocked it was almost offensive, haha.
He literally laid on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, and muttered for a good two hours.
It wasn't until the next day that he even acknowledged it and said he was excited, poor guy.

It seemed almost as soon as we found out, the nausea and bloating set in.
Something I hardly ever experienced with B.
Suddenly meat and dairy, I couldn't even look at them.
I lived off ramen, ritz crackers, sprite, saltines, and gatorade for pretty much the rest of our time in America.
Having our home packed up for Europe definitely didn't strike any sympathy notes.
As I mentioned in my previous post, my uncle died shortly after we found out, and I'm still just so thankful I got to share this news with him before he passed.
With our limited time in the States upon us, I was able to get in to see a doctor a few days before leaving for our post move leave to Oklahoma/Colorado. Here I was able to get a memo from the Army Clinic stating I was indeed pregnant and the estimated due date was early March.
Here's where it kinda gets comical and kinda pathetic all at once!
Despite me being on the pill and John being gone, the clinic wouldn't really listen to me about the estimated due date not being accurate because it was being based off my last cycle.
I know that's what they are supposed to do, but it wasn't physically/scientifically possible since John wasn't here!

Me: "I know you are saying early March in these papers, but I'm just telling you that's not possible, my husband was gone to a school in Missouri."
Nurse: "Well my dear, that may be true, but we have to go by the scientific information you gave us, not your word. It's no offense, it's what we have to do."
Me: ".......um, ok. I'm serious though, it's not even scientifically possible to have this gestational age or date..."
Nurse: "I understand what you are saying, but with you leaving and not being seen here, we can't determine that, so we have to document the conception date discrepancy in your papers so people on the 'other side' are aware and can figure that out when you get there."

I'd like to take this moment to say thanks to all "those" Bragg women out there that make the rest of us with "conception date discrepancies" look like hoodlums. Appreciate it.
So I left the clinic with a memo in hand for my next health provider "on the other side" stating that yes, I was pregnant, with a March estimated due date, although gestational age is undetermined.

I also got a plethora of information from the clinic about giving birth in Germany.
What all my options were, how they "do things" there, etc. This left me feeling, although still nauseous, pretty confident and happy with how things turned out and was ready to take on this craziness head on.

We went to Oklahoma for my Uncle Rick's funeral and I was able to talk to each of my family members one on one about being pregnant this time around, which was something I didn't get with Brynlee.
I actually told everyone as we were headed out the door with my parents to get in the car to drive back to Colorado.
The best response to the news was by far from my Uncle Darrell, who without skipping a beat immediately asked who the father was. Considering my "conception date discrepancy" it pretty much was a family joke from that point on, haha.
My parents had no clue until we arrived at their home in Colorado and we were having prayer for dinner when John prayed/thanked God for the new baby joining the family.
They were shocked of course and all of us were very hyped on emotion having just come from the funeral and with our little family getting ready to move so far away.
We had B parade her big sister shirt everywhere else she went to "tell" people our news, some getting it right away, some not (cough, cough, Scott, cough, cough).
I also got to tell the news to my two college girl friends who were also both pregnant at the time. That was exciting and something I think we all thought would probably never happen with all the distance and circumstances that geographically separate us.
By the time of our "good-bye" party everyone knew and we were able to really celebrate just life in general with all our family and friends before leaving.

Three days before our flight from Colorado Springs to Ramstein, Germany, John got a call.
A call that literally changed everything.
Suddenly we weren't going to Germany anymore, we were now being sent to Chievres Army Air Base in Chievres, Belgium and arrived there on September 11.
This duty station change will be a whole new post in itself, so to stay on point, this changed everything as far as baby as well.

Everything I knew and was expecting about giving birth overseas in an "American" hospital were now out the window as I was now in Belgium being told I would be given a referral to go find a hospital in the local French economy and was provided a list of hospitals with doctors names that spoke "some" English.

We picked a local hospital, Ambrose Pare in Mons, Belgium, that was recommended to us, that had SHAPE (the NATO base) liaisons,  and was closest to us at the hotel we were still living in at the time.
We arrived for our first appointment on October 1st and were greeted by a doctor that spoke ZERO English. Talk about a great introduction of what was to come!
With the translation help of a SHAPE liaison, the doctor was at least able to do an ultrasound to measure and determine how far along I was.
We finally got a definitive time line, the doc taking 4 weeks gestation away (I felt very vindicated!), putting me at almost exactly 13 weeks pregnant, due April 8th, his Papa's (and future sister in law) birthday!
What was really neat about this appointment is that John never saw Brynlee on an ultrasound past 8 weeks gestation, so he was very fascinated about the identifiable parts on the screen and pictures!

One thing I really appreciate about our hospital experience here in Belgium is once your pregnancy is validated they schedule your entire pregnancy's worth of appointments and ultrasounds right then and there so you know all the way to your due date when everything is going to be. It made it easier to have John be able to come to "major" appointments knowing when they all were going to be!

We went back a few weeks later and met our assigned doctor, who spoke fairly good English--enough where we could communicate fairly well for the most part.
One of his very first questions to us before we even sat down was, "Do you speak only English? No French?"
Um, no. That's why we were assigned to you, because you speak English......right!?"
"Well yes, but my English is not that great, but that's ok, it will be fine."
Um, ok......here's to hoping?

Since it was our first initial visit with him, he did an ultrasound himself where almost immediately I saw the "proof" that we were indeed having a little boy! 

He later on confirmed the gender and John was just so excited. 

"One and one and done!"

Upon further discussion with the doctor we asked him about Belgian/French cultural differences when it came to hospital care, pregnancy, delivery, post delivery, etc.

Considering I never used a doctor with B, only midwives and my doula, I had a ton of questions let alone cultural ones. 

Our doctor's response, "It's a little too soon to be asking questions like that..."

Wow, ok. We don't think it's too soon to be asking anything like that considering we don't speak your language and aren't from your country, but ok?

My next appointment, again was a few weeks later and this is where I started learning a lot about how different this pregnancy was going to be because of the cultural differences. 

At this appointment (first one by myself, driving there and accomplishing this without an interpreter or spouse was a HUGE win in my "new to Europe" book!) I received what they call your ONE book. It's a book that has all your pregnancy information inside and you are "required" to carry it with you at all times. 

It was also at this appointment where I learned that the blood test for toxoplasmosis is done once a month your entire pregnancy, not just the one time like in America. 

I met with my doctor's nurse for the first time and she spoke virtually zero English, so we Google Translated pretty much the entire time and continued to do so for the rest of our appointments.

At this point in the pregnancy everything was pretty smooth sailing and normal. 

Nausea went away, finally started looking pregnant, not bloated. 

Started to feel flutters and could eat normally again. 

By December flutters were no longer in my vocabulary to describe how this baby moved. 

More like ninja mosh pit child. 

All day and all night this little boy moves, twists, summersaults, and karate chops my innards to the point of being woken up in the night and not getting much sleep, earlier on sometimes being most comfortable sitting up sleeping on our couch. 

On December 8th we had our first "real" ultrasound where the in depth measurements are done and documented.  John came this time too, which he didn't get to do with Brynlee, and we actually decided to bring her along as well, so it was really neat to see how they both processed it all. 

John was mainly just fascinated at how in depth the pictures could be, wanting to know what everything was, and to make triple sure it really was a boy.

While Brynlee, and her Doc McStuffin loving self, stood by me on the table, holding and kissing my hand, telling me "It's ok mama."

We all had a first this time around as well, getting a 3D ultrasound done on little man.

Under military Tricare, and most of America from what I understand, getting one or two ultrasounds is pretty normal for a normal pregnancy.

So far, to date, I've gotten an ultrasound every appointment and 3D ultrasounds at both of our "main" ultrasounds which is something I never got with Brynlee.

Up until this point little man pretty much does whatever he can to hide his face and not allow us to see much above his shoulders. We managed to get one 3D picture where his face was somewhat exposed, but in my opinion 3D pictures are kinda weird, so I wasn't sure what to think much about the 3D pictures we got!

This appointment I also brought my birth records to the doctor to read over. 

He was hesitant to "allow" me to have a natural delivery after how I explained my labor and delivery of Brynlee went. 

I think a lot of this were things lost in translation because of language barriers, which started adding to the frustration of how things were going with our doc/patient relationship. 

I felt like I was explaining things over and over and over, the simplest way I knew how, and he still didn't understand what I was saying or in what context I was trying to explain things in.

This frustration continued to grow over time, to the point where I would dread doctor appointments, I was extremely unhappy and very unconfident in giving birth again, especially the way I wanted with my own preferences.

The more appointments we had the less excited I felt about being pregnant at all, and that was a hard pill to swallow. I kept telling myself it's because it's a different culture, don't be a "high maintenance" American, suck it up and embrace this as an adventure of something new and different....and something you now know you won't want to do again here! 

I do appreciate how lax and chill the people here are around pregnant women. 

Unlike in America, they definitely do not coddle you, treat you "special" or different because you are pregnant. At first I wasn't sure what to think of this, but as time went on I kinda preferred it! They just leave you alone and let you do your thing. 

As long as toxoplasmosis and any other tests they run come back normal, they don't bug you about a thing. Which in the negative side is, they also do not offer up any information either unless you ask.

Well I had tried asking before and got shut down, so I really was checked out of the whole experience and the closer his due date got, the more dreaded about it I became.

To the point where I was questioning any kind of birth preferences I had at all, just so I could go in, have the baby go out, and just not have to come back.

Almost like a business transaction. 

It was starting to make me really sad and it didn't really get better from there...

January was the typical glucose test, nothing culturally different about that.

I was assured by now that a natural delivery was ok but now he wanted to see all my post partum paperwork with all the healing issues I had, which has actually been probably the #1 thing I was weary about the most. 

John left the month of January, right after B's 3rd bday, for a school in Texas, so she was my date for the next appointments!

As I've shown on FB and said before, she just loves Doc McStuffins, so she is always fascinated with what we do at these appointments. Even during my monthly toxoplasmosis blood draws she would just sit there and watch quietly/intently and then sing me the "I feel better!" song after and would make sure to double check my bandaid and give me check ups when we got home. 

Here was another example of doctor/patient not clicking.

Because of John leaving the country, and me staying behind in a foreign one, I was way out of my comfort zone. What do I do if something happens? What will I do with B? Where do I go? So I voiced my concerns to my doctor at an appointment.

"If something were to happen you can always call an ambulance."

"Ok, well what's the phone number for that?" (BTW it's not 911, haha).

"You don't know that number?"

"Um, no, I wouldn't be asking for it if I knew it.... Where do I go if something happens while he's away?"

"You come here.....??"

"WHERE here?

"Well if it's during the day the main entrance and if it's at night, the emergency entrance."

"Ok where is that?"

"On the side of the building..."

"Which side?"

This went on forever. 

Felt like a huge game of "Ring Around the Rosy..."

Into February I became concerned about little man's positioning. 

The larger he got the more I tried to identify parts and became curious when I kept having the largest lump I could find always being on my right side.

I was worried he was transverse, so my next appointment when they did their usual ultrasound I was very relieved to know he was head down, but facing sideways, so his bum was always sticking out on my side. 

He was pretty much sitting like a "7," with his feet floating off to the other side of me, hands still blocking his face, but not making as much movement as his body and bum. 

The month of March is when everything, again, changed!

John was home from Texas finally, and I went in for a routine check up and toxoplasmosis draw (starting to bruise from all these monthly blood draws by this point!).

That's when my doctor told me he "just realized" that he wasn't going to be in the country the week of or week after my due date because of Easter holiday (they seriously take two weeks vacation/holiday for Easter, Europeans love their holidays!) and asked me again, if I knew or had learned any French.

I told him no, I hadn't really had time to learn any and I was caught quite off guard that he was just now realizing he wasn't going to be there after we'd known my due date since October. 

His response to this was, "Well, this could be a problem."

Oh, the things a pregnant woman in a different country than her own, loves to hear!

He goes on to say, "Well, there are only two other doctors here that speak "medium" English, and they are going to be on Easter holiday as well except for these two days during these two weeks. So, let's hope you go into labor early (another thing every pregnant woman longs to hear?), you go into labor on one of these two days they are present at the hospital while I'm away, or use your last month of pregnancy learning as much French as you can."

**Sidenote: We did attempt to learn some French birthing words when our English speaking landlord was at our house one day. John asked him for the French word for "push," and well, Google Translate that one and hit the "speaker" button on how that's pronounced in French. We didn't ask for anymore word help after that and I seriously had to leave the room after that one.**

Um yeah, we are done here.

This was kind of the final straw for me which sent me straight into the SHAPE (NATO base) clinic to ask about possibly being switched to a different hospital or doctor this late into my pregnancy (I was 34 weeks at this point). 

The midwife we have at our clinic is from England and was so nice in helping me get a consult done at a different location to see if I could get in or if I would even like it. She also assured me I was not being a high maintenance American (at least that's what she said, ha!) and that she understood my insecurities and unhappiness with this impending birth and that finding somewhere and someone I was comfortable with was key.

I had a doctor appointment that next week in a different city called Ath (pronounced "ought") at their local hospital, Epicura, where I met our new doctor, Dr. Den Hollander. 

She's from The Netherlands and is fluent in French, English and Dutch and was very hands on in answer any and every single question John and I could possibly think of. 

She also was much more in control of things, going out of her way to set up a hospital tour with me, making sure someone would be there for the tour that spoke English and could answer our questions, taking me to the maternity ward herself to show us where it was, etc, which is something my previous doctor never even brought up or offered to me. 

I went on a tour the next week with another American gal that just moved here and is due a week after me, with her second as well.

The maternity ward at Epicura is 100% run by midwives with doctors really only present at pushing/delivery for medical purposes. If the baby comes out fine, they said it's normal for doctors to not even touch the baby but just check off things are good and go on about their day elsewhere. 

They have three different types of delivery rooms Earth, Water, and Fire.

Earth is a room where there are no medical interventions of any kind present in the room, it's for all natural births and if this were my first kid would think it looked like a torture chamber.

Considering it was not my first I was totally fascinated.

A five step up, 4-6 person jacuzzi birthing tub, more tools and contraptions on the wall, hanging from the ceiling than I would ever know what to do with. A pull apart circle shaped bed with all sorts of bars, stools, and lifts to help you find a position that best suits you.

The Water room (which is what I'm going for) has the same options as the Earth room, just on a smaller scale but also includes the medicinal equipment necessary if a epidural or other medicines are requested. 

The Fire room, well, it's for the women that go into labor, don't want to feel a thing, so they give you a bed, hook you up, and you just do what they tell you to do when they tell you to do it (this probably would have been me if I had stayed at Ambrose!). 

I left the tour feeling the most excited I had felt this entire pregnancy, hands down.

I felt inspired, I felt in control (finally!), and I actually looked forward and was motivated looking towards his fast approaching due date instead of with dread and no confidence in myself or my body.

I filed the insurance papers to switch hospitals and it was approved the last day it could possibly have been changed, on my 36 week day to the day.

I've been back for one other appointment since and although they still do the monthly toxoplasmosis blood draw, the ambiance is so different there I can't help but just look forward to having this baby. 

I'm so blessed to have carried him and I hate how often I took it for granted this time around.

Although still a total womb ninja, here at 39+ weeks, he's already been so go with the flow with all the events that has led up to this moment, I can't help but look forward to his arrival now. He's resilient and I can't wait to see how that translates when he joins our family. 

We've been so generously blessed by the friends we've made here and the friends and family we left behind in the States, I can't help but smile, even on our down days, knowing that there is greater good going on here. 

My Aunt Karla, flew into Brussels last weekend to be with us/Brynlee for a few weeks surrounding his, hopefully sooner rather than later, birth date. Considering she and my late Uncle Rick were the first to know of his existence brings it totally full circle for me and I couldn't be more blessed than I am right now.

This road to April hasn't been easy, things non-baby related have made this time almost seem unbearable, but here we are. 

And now that Karla is here, we stay busy and we wait....
As my doctor puts it, "Let's let the baby choose his birthday..."

Come on little man, we are ready for you! 

And A Time to Let Go...

While I'm fully aware of how I did not accomplish my goal of updating everything by the end of the year like I wanted and said I'd do, I have to throw it out there kinda set myself up for failure. 

Sometimes things you are ready to write about doesn't mean it's the right time to do so.

My last blog post I told about the excitement of discovering new life coming into our family and not long after this news I got the call I knew was going to come but never was sure when, where, or how it would was going to come.

Yesterday, February 9th, is what would have been my Uncle Rick and Aunt Karla's 30th wedding anniversary and I'm almost glad I didn't write this blog out right away like I planned and am sitting down to write it now at such an amazing milestone.

With our pending move, I was actually becoming very nervous and anxious about leaving my family behind. 

Many might think I'm crazy, "You're moving to Europe, shut your face!" 

I got that one a lot actually.

While others were more like, "Well, yeah duh! You are moving across the world!" 

Especially since I just found out I was pregnant on top of everything else, but none of that was actually it at all.

I have been away from my family since I got married, so although this further distance was obviously a big change, the elephant in the room, for me, was who am I not going to see again when I'm gone for this length of time?

Kinda morbid I know, but you can't make big decisions like this and not think about it, trust me!

I'm extremely close to my family.

I've been told my family and I are almost a rare "breed" in that we are all so close and connected. 

My brother and I are the only children on my dad's side and on my mom's side, there are only four of us kids, so to me, my cousins are more like siblings, aunts like second mothers.

Uncles were as close to second father figures to me as you can get. 

We all each have had our own unique relationship and how we all handled each other, despite how crazy it was, it's honestly all I've known and wouldn't prefer it any other way.

It's hard to put into words sometimes, the unique relationships we all have, but the best way I've found to put it, especially now, is when one of us celebrated, we all celebrated. 

When one of us cried, we all cried. 

When Rick initially got sick, I'll be the first to admit that I didn't think it would become what it did. As time progressed and things weren't working as hoped I listened to the phone calls and read the blog updates, but somehow I still refused to think that things were becoming as dire as they were.  

As our time in NC was coming quickly to a close, the failing health of my uncle was the one unknown I had in my mind that I didn't know what to do about. It still felt unsettled, unchecked, unvisited and I didn't know how to handle it and I didn't know how to go about it. 

I finally took my mom's advice and wrote my uncle an email (I wish I had hand written it now in retrospect because it sounds so informal, ugh) telling him how I felt and just things I wanted him to know. 

Thanking him for his children, his wisdom, his support of especially me and my own child, his grace, his support as one of my husband's #1 fans-hands down, his patience, and most of all his example, especially in his faith.

This is also when I told him I was pregnant again.

I wanted and needed him to know because that's the type of family we were, we told each other everything. I'm really glad I pretty much smashed any of the unwritten rules on breaking pregnancy news on this one, no regrets whatsoever.

Ten days after my email, Rick died at his home in Duncan, OK on August 16th, about a week before we were scheduled to leave NC and head to CO for our pre-move leave. 

John and I had already made plans to hang out with some friends and our kids "one more time" the next day at a water park, so we kept our plans as is, since at the time there was literally nothing we could really do, hoping it'd be a good distraction.

After a day of being out in the ridiculous NC heat, that was the weekend I finally kinda lost it.

I was exhausted from getting ready to move, I was starving but couldn't stomach anything but ramen and ritz, I was totally hormonal-pregnancy or not just with everything that was happening and on our way home from the water park I had to have John pull over the car. 

I jumped out onto the lawn of our apartment complex, holding onto a stop sign post, and just puked my guts out all over the side yard to our building.

I left John and B in the car, walked to our house went straight into our master bath and just sat on the floor, sunburnt and in my "already getting too tight" swimsuit, and bawled my eyes out literally gasping for air. 

I don't remember what all was going through my mind while I sat in there, but I do remember that part of me was physically overcome with such sadness I felt almost claustrophobic, but yet another part of me was so relieved that the pain was done and gone, that I couldn't help but smile and sometimes laugh. 

I sat for a good hour before I resurfaced with some decent composure.

After I had my "moment" John and I went into "get there" mode, meaning a lot of things had to change and a lot of things HAD to work just right in order for us to rearrange ourselves to move out even earlier than expected and be there for not only his funeral, but with my family.

Anyone with military life experience knows the possibility of things going exactly to plan is pretty much non existent. But I'm living breathing proof to tell you it IS possible, and I'm pretty sure that this circumstance is the only time it'll work out as it did. 

The port in Charleston had room on an earlier shipment to get my car to Germany earlier.

Airline tickets/seats were rearrangeable to a different destination without much hassle.

Plans slowly fell into place, and before I could really grasp it, we were on the road with NC in the rearview mirror for good headed to Charleston to drop off my car at the port then hop on a plane to OK.

So funerals. We've all been there done that. 

I, however, hadn't been there or done any of that in a lloonngg time....and not concerning someone I was this close too. 

It wasn't even my own father and the roller coaster of emotions that day was exhausting.

However, his funeral was perfect. 

My uncle and his family's presence in their community was so innately intertwined that the service had to be moved to a larger church in town to fit the several hundred people that were in attendance.

What was unique about where/how my uncle passed is that he was the recruiter for the local hospital in Duncan. Most of the doctors treating him were doctors he recruited there. So the outpouring response from the hospital was just amazing. 

The church and friend community the Buchanan's have built up around themselves over the years was just mind boggling. Really there are just no words and I think that was almost as emotionally taxing as the funeral itself.

I agreed to take pictures of the service for my aunt.

One of the hardest but most honored tasks she's ever asked me to do.

My family keeps kodak in business when it comes to picture taking so I knew this was, oh so very important to all of us.

My favorite part of the service, among the many, was all the hilarious stories that were told (laughter has got to be the best medicine in these situations and I know he wouldn't have wanted it any other way) and also the testament of my uncle's faith that was shared over and over by every single person that stood at that podium.

My uncle's life served it's purpose in that, even in death, the sharing of Christ and the gospel was the primary goal and it was beyond all means met.

My cousins and my aunt are amazing people, you guys.

While Rick was battling cancer, Ashleigh was in/graduating college, getting her first job, making it out on her own. Aaron was in med school at OU and graduated three months prior to his dad's death with his DDS. Aaron's wife, Kimberlee, unwaveringly supporting and by his side every step of the way.

Karla in all seriousness was so strong even when beyond the feeling of weak in every way imaginable.
I wish there was a way I could write it out to portray what I've witnessed in this family. 

When the funeral was over, the church empty, and the music with picture slideshow of his life stopped, I remember just sitting there in a huge empty sanctuary wondering, what now?

We all went to Karla's house where over time people kept stopping by and staying so it became a huge friend and family get together with all of us sitting around talking, eating, laughing, crying...everything. 

And it was fabulous and I think what we all needed.

The people and friends of Duncan, OK were so gracious to all of us out of towners. 

Opening their homes (and pools!) to us as we took over Duncan for a weekend.

Since the funeral a lot has changed on my end and I'm going to address all that in a later post, sooner rather than later, promise.

But one thing that I'm so thankful remains the same is I still have my family. 

We may be one less, which I'm still kind of grappling with since I'm not even there now to figure out what that really means, but the memories we have will literally last forever, no cliche or exaggeration.

With all our laughter and tears, Uncle Rick, we love you and miss you ever day!

A time to live...

So, in case you missed it, I'm pregnant.
When John decided to reenlist in the Army, again, we agreed our future was secure enough, Brynlee was getting older esp when you add nine months gestation, and well...we weren't really getting younger either, so despite the big move pretty much camped out in our backyard, we decided when we got to Europe we'd purposely try once we were there and settled.
I got off the pill while he was in ALC in Missouri thinking between then and our move would be plenty of time to get out of my system and honestly didn't give any of it another thought.

Months went by.
It wasn't until literally two weeks before the packers/movers were scheduled to come pack up our house that one of my Bragg girls I've known virtually my whole time there, called me out asking if I could be pregnant.
I thought it was possible I could be late, but maybe only by a few days.
However, I had so much going on at the time with the move and family I didn't even consider already being pregnant because of all the "sets" of distraction.
I brushed it off, but Steph kept asking me about it (I swear she really knew all along, haha) to the point where I finally went to my calendar to investigate.

Sure enough I was late....
Weeks late, albeit months late and had absolutely no clue.
Woman/mom of the year, right here.
Considering how late I was, there was no other explanation in my opinion, so the next day I went out and bought a pair of tests.
On August 4th, during B's nap time, when John happened to be working from home, I took the test and it immediately came up positive.
I brought it out and showed him and pretty sure that little pee stick could have knocked him flat on his face if he had been standing.
He was in such shock he didn't say a word to me.
He laid down on the couch, staring at the ceiling, muttering Lord knows what....for about an hour til B woke up.
I took the second test the next morning and sent John a pic of the "YES +" test results.
When he came home that night he admitted he was truly very happy and excited it just totally blindsided him, happening so quickly, and with everything going on, couldn't help but think how complicated this made everything concerning our move.
Hmmmm, well, your welcome? ;)

Fortunately for me, I already had an appointment to get my women's wellness exam, so they ordered a blood test and were able to confirm I was indeed pregnant.
It seems the day it was confirmed via the doctor, the nausea set in.
This is something I never experienced with B in any way, so oh my goodness, what a kick in the gut.
Quite literally.
This also included motion sickness riding in the car.
All day, all night, I could never find the happy medium between eating enough and not overeating to the point of sickness. There were days when I needed to be sorting, packing, cleaning and all I managed to do was to keep my food down by laying on the couch with B all day surviving solely off ramen, ritz and sprite.
The week before we left Bragg, I managed to get in to the doctor one more time.
I couldn't imagine, feeling the way I did, driving, flying, dealing with all I had to deal with, without some medical intervention.
People that know me, know I'm not a big doc person-at all.
Well, I camped out on the phone begging the scheduling people on base to get me in to anyone that could possibly help me before I left in a few days.

The day I found out!
No idea how many weeks.
Sigh.....

I finally got in and was given B12 and Unisom to get me through until I could see a "real" doctor in Europe. I also got "the memo"stating I was medically insured and positively pregnant in case I needed it during national and international travels.

The one thing these doc visits didn't do was tell me how far along I was and that was something I would actually not figure out for at least another month later once we got to Europe.

So, now what.....? Well, tell the family of course!
Unlike with Brynlee, we were heading home to Colorado, so we decided to keep the news to ourselves so we could tell everyone in person-except for two special people.
Before I even got the blood test to confirm, I sat down and finally sent an email, I had rewritten over and over, to my Aunt Karla and Uncle Rick sharing with them some personal thoughts and also telling them the news.
My Uncle Rick had been battling cancer for two years at that point, I knew his time was precious and I wanted him to know, just in case.
My Uncle Rick Buchanan passed away in his home ten days later.

TBD...

Looking back through this blog over time I've realized that the constant theme of my military wife life is "this is what is happening, this is what's supposed to happen," and then "this is what has really happened."

Repeat. 

Over and over and over.

Needless to say, it's not the easiest thing ever but man, I'm NEVER bored. 

There are typical challenges enough of being a wife and stay at home mom, but adding our true "mistress" of the military to our home always adds drama and sacrifice, yet sometimes true glory that everyone gets to enjoy and relish in. 

Since my last post in May I've been totally MIA but not without purpose or reason.

If we are friends on Facebook then you are fully aware of the chaos that has ensued us thanks to our "mistress," but oh, how I have longed for the opportunity to hop on here and type out what is more to our story than Brynlee'isms and random photos of here and there. 

Once we got our household goods (which was a miracle in of itself!) it was seriously one of my number one missions to find my little personal desk slip of all my crazy passwords to everything, including the password to here, that somehow I don't have memorized, and get to writing out everything that's flooded through my mind and mouth since then. 

Since May, we've experienced death and new life.

Change for the good and change unexpected with a "yet to be determined" outcome. 

What was once a secure path delved into uncertainty.

Pretty much nothing is ever what it seems, no day is certain, and things don't always end up the way you think they should or would.

So with that caveat, be prepared for me to send you on a Facebook/blog post overload.

I've given myself until the end of the year to get completely caught up with our 2014 years adventures and start fresh and clean for 2015 with all that is to come.

I don't feel like my/our life is that interesting to need to share everything, but honestly I can't tell you how many times I've looked back on this blog to see how far I/we have come and what we've pushed through, so it's mostly for me and also for my family that I don't get to talk to as often as I'd like!

I appreciate those of you that willingly join and support me and our family on our journey. 

We love you all and have never really been able to find the words for find a way to express how much we appreciate all your love and support. 

Hopefully we do you all proud. :)

May Madness

The month of May was probably the craziest month we've had since moving back to NC.

John had been slotted for a six week class in Missouri since he got home from the deployment, beginning the first of May through June.

Since we got orders to move to Germany I've had the itch to visit friends and family I haven't seen in a while. It'd always be nice if John could do this too, but unfortunately most of this kind of stuff I get to do solo.

So considering John had this class I decided to kill two birds with one stone by passing time while he's away and to go see a lot of people I probably won't see again before we move.

Brynlee and Ellie
in Charlotte, NC.

Brynlee and I hit the "air" for a month long "across America" tour-going to Colorado, Oklahoma, Mississippi, and Florida--and several states in between--with bounces back and forth to North Carolina in between as well.

Brynlee and I headed to Charlotte the beginning of May and stayed with the ever so gracious, Albaeck family, who recently added beautiful baby #5, Ellie to their brood!

Needless to say it was a full house but Brynlee just LOVED having older kids around to play with and she enjoyed being the new toy in the house.

We flew from Charlotte, through Texas, to Colorado first, where Nana and GG were there to greet us. We spent our time in CO with lots of grandparent time (all of them!) while I got some childless dates (sigh, so amazing), a zoo trip with loads of friends and family (17 of us at one point?!), got to hangout with my college roommate Dana and her family, breakfast with Pastor Ed, walks to GG's house like old times, as well as cousin play dates galore.

With Grandma at the zoo
in Colorado Springs, CO.

I'm going to pause here to just announce I'm a blessed woman.

My family and friends are just so supportive and awesome when we're there in CO and when we're away, many of you took time out of your work week to hang out with us and make time for Brynlee and I, and I appreciate it SO much.

Besides having the down time to travel I purposely made the trek to Oklahoma for a multitude of reasons. Our church had recently done a sermon series on "junk" which could be interpreted into lots of things, but the main part that stuck to me, and was the emphasis of my trip to OK, was the concept of carrying other people's junk when you really don't have a reason too or don't have too.

Sarah and Harrison Struck,
OKC, OK.

There are members of my dad's family I've chosen not to go out of my way to talk too because of family drama that actually happened before I was even born or thought of and I let other people's opinions and feelings get in the way of what could be at least random conversational types of relationship with these family members.

So not only did I get to attend my cousin's graduation from OU but also made the trip up to Stillwater to take Brynlee to meet her great grandpa, Richard O'Cain Sr. 

But before I get into that I have to brag that while in Oklahoma I also met up with some college friends which included finally got to meet Sarah and Bryan's sweet little man Harrison Struck!!

OMG, so precious!

Congrats Dr. Aaron Buchanan, D.D.S and family!

My blessings of friendship stretch as far as professors that I now get to call some of my best friends, one of which is Marcia Feisal.

Brynlee and I met up with Marcia for lunch and  voluntarily offered to watch Brynlee for me while I went to Aaron's graduation. Marcia is now retired from teaching and is a stay at home grandma to her sweet grand babies, so Brynlee struck the babysitter jackpot while I got to go to the OU graduation.

Getting to attend such a special graduation was such an honor to witness. 

The Buchanan family has been through so much these last two years when my Uncle Rick was diagnosed with cancer and their family has been fighting this disease as an uphill battle the entire way. This graduation felt like such a ray of sunshine in what's seemed like some really dark cloudy times, so I was just ecstatic to be there and be a part of it. 

In case any of you had NO idea, my family is obsessed with picture taking, haha, especially my Aunt Karla. She rarely gets to actually be IN the pictures and of all the events, this is one she needed to watch for real, not through a lens, so I was really glad to be able to take that load off of her, without Brynlee's help, and take photos of everyone during and after the ceremony! 

Braum's!

Getting to go to the graduation and actually enjoy it and participate in it was a huge blessing for me, thanks Marcia!

After the robes were placed and pictures snapped, I raced back to pick up princess Brynlee from Marcia's where we then went to the post graduation dinner and the celebration continued along with Brynlee hamming up the room making friends with everyone.

Brynlee meeting
Richard O'Cain Sr.,
Stillwater, OK

I also got to spend time with one of the strongest mommies I know, the lovely Vicki, and her daughter London who helped me show Brynlee around the SNU campus and also for her first Braum's experience.

It's so fun to be back around in Oklahoma with my college friends and all our babies, nothing sweeter!

Our last day in OK, I loaded B up in the car and drove to Stillwater, OK.

My brother and I are the only "blood" O'Cain grandchildren, meaning Brynlee is his only "blood" great grand baby so getting to share that first with him and his family was a really cool and unique experience and I'm so glad I went!

Grave marker of Katherine Wright Hunt. 

 After going back to NC for a few days, B and I flew out of Charlotte again heading this time to the true south of the Gulf Coast of Mississippi where my parents joined us as well.

My dad is originally from Pascagoula, MS where my aunt Liz still lives to this day and was the only family member left that hadn't met Brynlee yet!

I also wanted to go visit the grave of my late grandmother, Katherine Wright Hunt who had died several years ago and I wasn't able to go to the funeral.

I saw Mimi right before she died while she was still in her nursing home.

Ocean walk with Papa
in Pascagoula, MS.

I was pregnant and didn't really know it and wish I could have known for sure so I could have told her.

My Mimi, Katherine, was my personal version of southern royalty being Miss Mississippi and runner up for Miss America in 1949 (hence the crown on her grave marker).

Brynlee and her random diva'ish ways remind me so much of things I know Mimi would get just an absolute kick out of. I am not sure I've ever thought of Mimi so much until I had Brynlee and watched her antics. I just know Katherine would have had an absolute riot hearing and seeing Brynlee. 

I actually think she just taught her a few diva tricks in heaven before B made her way on down, especially trying to sneak out of the house wearing my "glass slippers."

Boat ride from Dauphin Island on
our way to Destin, FL.

Whenever Mimi would visit, she'd bring me a goodie bag of those little Clinique and Estee Lauder perfume sample bottles, nail polishes, and lip sticks and I'd hang onto them like they were gold. It makes my heart just so happy when B helps me open my Sephora box and discovers all my free samples, it's like Christmas time year around for her, walking around with her perfume samples and lipsticks in the little goodie bags they send them in. 

That was Mimi and I to a "t" and I think of her every time a Sephora box comes to my doorstep. 

Hooray beach!
Destin, FL

Hanging out with Aunt Liz was fantastic and full of ocean walks, local seafood restaurants (including Scranton's where they carry some of our former family restaurant dishes on the menu!), and a lot of late night chats with my aunt that were long overdue.

B and I took a Mississippi detour going to Destin, FL with my parents which, of course, included taking our car onto a boat and playing with seagulls!

We spent several days at my aunt and uncle's condo which was right on the beach front. The condo was already stocked full of beach toys, chairs, and even bikes for us to ride around town in.

Riding bikes with Papa,
Destin, FL.

Dad went out and rented a bike with a kid seat on the back and we rode everywhere and B just loved it. We got lots of beach time, pool time, sun time, and fantastic seafood.

I attempted to conquer my fear of ocean everything by going for a swim on the boogie board until something swam under me and people behind me started commenting about something being in the water "over there."

Papa and Nana beach time,
Destin, FL. 

Against all "Shark Week" warnings I turned the heck around and splashed my way out of there and hardly touch the ocean any more than up to the ankles for the rest of the trip!

Heading back to NC after these trips felt great, and I rarely say that, haha.

Being home was where we needed to be after a month in the air/on the road.

My plot for getting Brynlee into swim lessons on Ft. Bragg fell through leaving me with three weeks of time to pass before John's class in Missouri was over. 

First dentist trip!

So in the mean time, Brynlee had her very first dentist appointment and did SO great. Sorry to the new Dr. Aaron Buchanan, DDS of the family, but I hate the dentist. I could scrub my mouth all day long and it won't matter, there's always something wrong with my teeth. Making an appointment for B was something I knew was right to do but wasn't looking forward to following through on it, more for my own sake than hers! 

But wouldn't you know it, as almost everything else, Brynlee did fabulous. 

They even did a cleaning and she was seriously better at being still and compliant than I ever am! 

The dentist's actual office is a former firehouse and they kept all the architecture like so--it's a little kids dream come true!

They had tv's above the chairs so she got to watch Spongebob (so glad she didn't like it and asked them to change the channel, haha!) and got to wear cool sunglasses while they did their thing, and with being such a good girl she got a special coin to spend on a prize at the end of her visit. 

I wish adult dentist offices were as cool as this one! 

As close to chickens
as she would get!

Despite dentist shenanigans, once getting back home to NC it took only about a week for B and I to be 100% sick of each other and ready for some adventure again.

The Hendrixson family, as always, pulled through for me keeping B entertained and me sane, but I got the itch to get on the road again.

I decided to pass some time by venturing out to the farmlands outside of Louisburg, NC for a long overdue visit with another one of my dearest mommy friends, Katie Jensen and her three beautiful babies at her parent's farm. 

Brynlee, Paige, Allie, and Taylor!

This young mother has been handed a wretched deck of cards and I'm so taken aback, daily, by her grace, maturity, patience, resiliency, you name it...I'm in awe of her as a human and as a mother. 

I was also so excited to take Brynlee to an actual farm because of all the memories I have going to visit my GG at Headquarters and Graceland's Ranch. 

I was excited for the air, the animals, the freedom from time, all of it, and boy was it a HOT day!

We now know B is terrified of chickens and pigs, won't go near horses, and I think because of all that drama, would also not go near the dog unless being held.

Southern sandbox lovin.

On the upside she got tons of sun and fresh air, ran her little booty off keeping up with the older Jensen girls, got to dress up, eat popsicles, and got to splash around in the pool and dig around in their sandbox (until the chickens wandered over looking for food). Before heading back to town we sat down for one last dinner, breakfast for dinner, of farm fresh scrambled and fried eggs and bacon. Spoiled. 

By that weekend John had graduated his class and was on the long drive back home to NC. 

Now the real work has begun. 

The move overseas is coming so fast and I constantly feel one step behind with what it all entails, but am having faith that things will work out the way they are meant too and am totally ready to take on the challenges I KNOW it's going to bring. 

SSG Christian at ALC,
Fort Leonardwood, MO.

Within the first week of John being home from Missouri we attended a PCS brief (PCS: Permanent change of station) where we learned everything we need to do to get the movers scheduled and in the books.

The first round of movers are scheduled August 18th and I swear it feels like it's tomorrow. 

The more formal information I get about how things work the more at ease I feel, but there are still a lot of things to get done before getting on that plane (which technically I don't even know when it's leaving yet! Aauugghh!!).

Be prepared for a near future post/rant of all my insecurities and anxieties about this move. Typing out my feelings to you is the best way I know to get them out! 

Until then, the yellow star is where we are going to be!