One Month Observations & Confessions

I just have to start off by saying "whoa."
A month already? Yes, it's flown by but let's not say it's flown by cause it was awesome.
I've realized that not just my, but this transition into motherhood in general, is seriously madness.
I almost feel like someone pulled the rug out from under me sometimes!
You can talk to people all day long about being pregnant and having a baby.
In hindsight, that's the easy part in my book.
Being pregnant, I miss it, to be honest.
Yeah the back aches, headaches, all that was a pain, but overall, I really do miss it. Plus there's nothing to catch the food I drop anymore. :)
Delivering her, we all know that was hard.
But at least it was done within 24-36 hours!
During this last month, most the time while sitting through long nursing sessions, I think back to different observations and thoughts I have collected from my experience so far. Some things I was told by people that this is how it would be, some things I wish I was told this is how it would be! But this is what I've observed and am willing to confess so far.....

Observation #1: No one really tells you how much "it" hurts and how long it takes to heal.
Yes, they tell you you'll bleed a lot, they tell you to take a lot of Tylenol and use ice packs, but no one really tells you how to heal. One of the largest frustrations I had once I got home from the hospital was that we all knew what to do with the baby, but had no idea what to do for myself.
I had never had stitches before, let alone "down there."
Maybe this is something they assume you'll "webmd" and figure out? Or perhaps something that you instantly know because you birthed a baby!?
But I could only walk around the house for an hour or so a day until I built up a tolerance to do more.
It wasn't until I had a heart to heart with my mom, about 5 days home from the hospital, about the immense pain/uncomfortable-ness I was still having and how I didn't know what to do.
I would get faint after being up for 5-10 minutes, I was pale like something out of Twilight, and besides the normal consequences of a natural birth, I just felt awful.
Maybe that's all normal, maybe that's just the way my body was recovering after the labor??
I'm not sure, but finally my mom hit up webmd and we concocted a "healing" plan for me that paid off immensely.
Here a month later, I can honestly say I feel great and don't remember a lot of the pain issues I was having.
Just wish that someone at the hospital would have thought to talk to me about it before hand to save me the hassle and to start this journey off on a better start....

Confession #1: I have no idea why people dog on those hospital mesh panties!!
Ok, I know they are NOT sexy, by any means, but when you've delivered a baby, I'm sorry, those things are heaven sent. Especially when you have an ice pack involved there as well!
I had bought a bunch of granny panties for after the baby, like everyone suggested. Honestly I didn't start wearing them until Bryn was about a week old if not older. I actually made John snag a couple more pair of the mesh panties so I could take them home with me!
Any future mama's that have yet to know what I'm talking about....just be open minded when you get them at the hospital....just sayin!

Observation #2: Contractions from breastfeeding hurt like a mother.
Oh Em Gee. I knew they said that the contractions from breastfeeding would help make your uterus contract quicker blah blah blah. But I had NO idea the contractions (at least the first couple days) would feel like real labor contractions.
The first night in the hopsital after Bryn was born we fed her every 2 hours on the dot. The first couple feedings were cake because I still had the epidural meds in my system.
At some point in the night, closer to the morning, the meds had worn off and when I went to feed her I almost dropped her reaching for the hospital bed rails!
At one point I had to have John hold her up to feed while I grabbed the rails or hospital bed mattress trying to breathe through the contractions.
Even once I was home I still continued to have strong contractions while nursing. Probably lasted about the first week or so before I wasn't in grimacing pain.

Confession #2: I had never been so terrified of normal bodily functions or taking a shower in all my life. With that confession, peri bottles are a girls best friend! Sorry if that's TMI, but it's the hard truth! The nursing staff had to watch me use the restroom for the first time after the epidural meds had worn off. You'd think that alone would be awkward, but by the time you've delivered a baby, so many people have been in your business, all sense of decency seriously goes out the window.
I never thought going to the bathroom would be such a milestone to achieve, but it's these little milestones that make a world of difference once the pain meds have worn off!
I am a huge shower girl. Love them and could sit in the shower for hours if it were possible.
The shower was the scariest part.
I took my first shower the day after Brynlee was born and only did it by John's insistence. In all seriousness, I had John literally spray me down with the detachable shower head cause I was too scared to get that area wet or soapy.
I only washed my hair by bending over and keeping my body out of the stream of water.
This routine (minus the detachable shower head!) continued once I got home for about a week.
I remember how excited I was when I finally reached the courage to take a "real" shower, meaning standing upright the whole time, and how refreshing it felt!
Simple pleasures for sure.

Observation #3: Having babies change husbands.
Not just the baby part, but in how they talk and interract with other people.
Our roommates at the hospital had their son the day before Brynlee was born and the mom was having a hard time nursing because her milk hadn't come in yet.
Their son was over 10lbs at birth (and only two stitches, darn her!) and so her lack of supply left her nursing, pumping, and supplementing from the moment their Thomas, "the tanker," was born.
We ran into them when we took Bryn in for her two day appointment and I over heard John asking her if she had any better luck with their nursing issue. She stated that her milk finally come in and that they were finally starting to establish a feeding routine.
John gave her this huge congratulations which just made me smile.
I'm so grateful that not only John supports me in my decision to exclusively breastfeed, but that he also understands the benefits enough to feel comfortable to encourage other people in their journey--even strangers. :)

Confession #3: Never thought the day would come when poopy diapers were worth an epic celebration and high fives. :)

Observation AND Confession #4: This newborn stuff ain't no joke.
No one tells you about this drama.
No classes.....no OB's......no Dr.Sears books...nothing prepares you for the first few weeks (perhaps months!) of having a newborn.
What disturbs me the most is that is seems no one ever talks about it...
It seems all anyone and everyone can think and talk about is this precious, sweet little babe and the fact that everything they do is just so gosh darn cute.
Never mind that cuteness was a 5 second glimpse of hope among a 5 hour crying, pooping, feeding, and more crying rampage. It's so traumatizing. Seriously.
It wears on your sanity and your eardrums.
I'll admit, I've fallen victim to it a bit, posting pics up on Facebook like everything is amazing, she's perfect, and we're the most patient awesome parents ever.
Well, ha.
IDK who the joke is on, but that is so not the case!
Now whenever I see people post pictures of their newborns/babies, I wonder, "How long did it take them to get that 5 seconds of solace?"
Now of course there are some babies that are just more mellow and chill than others.
I consider myself "blessed" with the opposite.
Call it karma, call it what you will, but all I know is I would like to formally apologize to my parents for any and all hell I put them through cause right now, because this baby is teaching me things I never thought I needed to learn.
Now before you judge me in not being grateful for this little being we created, hear me out, I love this litter girl to death and those 5 seconds of a random smile (even if it might be gas!) or contented (awake) silence is worth the 5+ hours it took to get it.
But when it's two in the morning and I have yet to even brush my teeth for the 24 hour day, you can see how it can wear on you pretty quickly.
Newborns are little monsters that want what they want and they want it now, and heaven forbid you don't recognize their "different cries" to know what that is that they are wanting.
The hardest part of all this is the fact that I am constantly blaming myself.
I know I take things way too personally, but how can I not? My job is to know what she needs and at times, I just can't tell!
One of the biggest frustrations I've had is patience.
I am a planner. I am a formulated, calculated creature of habit and routines are my best friends.
This stay at home mom life that is being directed by a newborn is against every fiber of my natural being and it's really made me hit some very low low's.
Not leaving the house in days rocks my world.
I tried implementing the BabyWise concept with Bryn doing scheduled feedings and the parent direct feeding concept. It worked great for about 60 seconds and that was really it.
Finally at Bryn's two week appointment, as I sit there in tears, completely sleep deprived, still in my pj's, and starving with a screaming purple baby I asked about feedings etc and we switched up things a lot.
After meeting with the lactation consultants multiple times the past couple weeks I can finally say that I'm no longer terrified of mylittle monster spawn.
My heart used to sink when I would see her stir awake on the monitor. What kind of battle would I be in for now??
Now when I see her wake up I have a plan, I know what to do, and I finally enjoy doing it.

I hit up a lot of friends from all over the states to help me and support me during this first month.
Thank you so much, all of you, that have dealt with my nagging texts with questions and venting sessions. No doubt they were annoying at times, but I really am grateful for your help and feedback. Even if it was telling me that I'm normal, you were a breath of fresh air at times--thanks so much for that!

Observation #5: I have learned that breastfeeding is not just sticking the babe on your boob.
I researched it tons and took several classes prior, knowing this was definitely something I felt strong about and something I could handle.
How hard could it be?
Well I have learned there are things about breastfeeding that classes can't help you with and no matter how much preparation you do, things happen you can't control.
The first time I nursed Brynlee, she latched on great, things were good.
The next morning I had one of the lactation consultants come by just to make sure things were good and we got the thumbs up.
After some trial and error, we are doing a feeding on demand schedule, but it's been determined that I have a low supply.
With that, I've become a human pacifier.
Bryn has gained weight from her two week til now, but on the lower end of the scale.
With her bouts of long sleep (sometimes 4-5 hour stretches) my supply started to dwindle (shoulda been pumping, oops!) and so when her growth spurts came along she'd drain me so bad I would have nothing left in multiple ways.
I finally hit a wall the day after her two week appointment when she had been crying for over 4 hours and nothing I did worked. I called my mom in crying hysterics not sure what to do and ready to give up all together. It was obvious that any supply I did have wasn't enough.
The next day a military wife friend of mine brought over a bottle and formula so we could supplement her to keep her satisfied until I could "fix" myself and my supply.
It's still a work in progress and we are having to feed at least every 3 hours (with one 4 hour stretch in a 24 hour day) if not more often than that to get things going and caught up.
Some think I'm fighting a pointless battle.
Some of these long nights, I'm tempted to agree.
We've supplemented a handful of times, and I pretty much bawl everytime.
It's hard to watch your baby finally get satisfied from something that you can't provide. It's SO hard not to take personally and feel like a failure.
Ultimately her being fed and full is the goal, and that's all I want.
I am still optimistic that we can successfully breastfeed so fingers crossed on that journey!

Confession #5: Whenever Bryn goes in for a check up, the ped's office has the mom take a post partum test at every appointment. This is actually a great thing even if it is done for just liabilities sake. When I went in for Bryn's two week appointment I was exhausted already.
It was my first baby adventure by myself.
It was the first time I had driven since she had been born.
Can't remember for sure, but no doubt she and I had battled it out prior to the appointment at some point.
I hate baby check up appointments because they have you strip the babe naked to get true weight, etc.
Well, I know I should be grateful for this, but my daughter apparently values her modesty and wants the whole floor to know that through her protest.
While pushing a stroller, lugging a diaper bag, carrying a screaming baby in only a diaper to the exam room, needless to say I was already overwhelmed.
By the time I got around to taking the post partum test, I was at my whits end with a screaming purple baby and my sanity, what was left of it, was shattered upon five minutes of the screaming.
I tested "moderately high" for post partum and was "escorted" to the Social Work office to talk to a councelor so I could "talk about my feelings."
I still have mixed emotions about going to these sessions.
I know it's probably good for me, but that's hours of free time I could be using getting something done at home instead of hanging out at the hospital longer.....I'll learn.

Observation #6: My grandma is the baby whisperer.
My grandma came out to NC after Bryn's two week appointment.
This is her first great grandbaby and as her first grandchild, when she heard I was hitting some rough walls, she flew out here to help me out and it's been the most amazing thing ever.
She does run to the pacifier quicker than I do, but beggars can't be choosers!
What has taken me hours to accomplish with Brynlee takes her about 10-15 minutes.
Her eighty six years of life and wisdom is something this entire household is totally taking advantage of and I love that she's willing to be used. :)

Confession #6 : This is the ultimate confession that I've been harboring for a while.
The day before I went into labor, we got word that John will be deploying again here in the next couple months.
John got home from his last deployment on St. Patrick's Day of 2011 and unfortunately the Army is staying true to their word that the first year home you are undeployable, so he'll be gone not long after his year mark comes.
In this lifestyle you always know that the time will come for another round of deployment. There is never a good time, babies/kids or not. I always knew that our day would come, I just never thought it would come at such a young age for her though.
Call me niave.
In hindsight, she's so young, that she'll never remember him not being there.
But he and I will.
There are so many firsts that first year that he'll miss and no matter how much you mentally prepare for the possibility of this happening, nothing can prepare you for it.
Our solution to his absense is me moving back home to Colorado where Bryn and I can both be smothered by both our families.
ALL of her cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents live in Colorado Springs and John and I always agreed that if and when we had kids that if he were to be gone at an impressionable age that we would make an attempt to be closer to home to make up for hin not being there.
With that, I've pretty much had to leave my job behind.
I'm still on maternity leave, but they know what's going on and know the liklihood of me not returning because of this.
John and I also always agreed that if he were deployed that it wouldn't be fair to our kids to have mom gone (at work) while dad was "gone" too.
The reality of this scenario being acted out in our lives now resinates through me daily.
Life has truly changed and it's a huge adjustment.

In ending, my grandma being here is even more providential because two days after she arrived John went into emergency surgery to get his appendix removed. There is no way he nor Bryn and I could have managed through that first 48 hours without her.
Divine intervention is the greatest, and I'm so glad and blessed to have God on my side during all this.

Here goes month #2!!!

OUR Labor Story

Another disclaimer: I didn't post any pics in this post that I wouldn't share with a stranger, however I did write about things that some people might find awkward, so heed my warning now!! Labor and delivery is not exactly the most prettiest thing ever...just sayin!

Ok, fine, one more disclaimer. My personal opinions and views are simply that. Just mine. I know a lot of people have different opinions and views when it comes to labor and delivering a baby, just know that when I tell this story, it's simply the view that John and I shared in the arrival of our daughter and even though things did not all going according to plan, we couldn't be happier with the outcome!

Like my last entry said, I got my membranes stripped on my 40 week appointment on January 25th, 2012, which was actually my "due date."
After the doc appointment we all (the mom's as well) went out to eat at On The Border.
My mom insisted on spicy food to get that baby out!
I already started having more intense contractions from the time leaving the appointment to the restaurant.
Didn't take long for the stripping to work!
The contractions were more intense, but still "workable," where we got through dinner just fine, with me pausing and grabbing the table every once in a while, all while staring at some random object in the restaurant and focusing on deep breathing.
I'm sure it was quite a site for anyone watching us, and I won't lie, on occasion I wondered if I could get free On The Border for life if I gave birth there, haha.

40 weeks. Transitioned into "real" labor that night. :)

Not knowing what to anticipate John had to plan for work as normal for the next day, so I assumed my position on the exercise ball, once we got home, while the mom's worked on the baby room, and while John got ready for work the next day.

John and I went to bed around 9 pm and by then I was in so much pain. While in bed, no matter how I laid down my back and tailbone/hips were just absolutely killing me....plus the contractions on top of that.
I moved in all sorts of different sleeping positions trying to get comfortable and nothing worked. I finally propped myself up in a straight sitting position and managed to drift to sleep for a little bit but was awakened by the most intense pain ever in my lower back/tailbone area.
I went to our master bathroom and used our towel bar for about half an hour to grip and grimace with as things grew more intense. I stayed in there about half an hour before I decided I needed to sit on my ball, so I went out to the living room.
Almost instantly the mom's were out there too helping me time these contractions (good ole mommy senses, I didn't even wake them up, I was planning on hanging out there in the living room alone), all while poor John was dead asleep to the world.

Deployments have done this man no good when it comes to sleep.
They are so sleep deprived sometimes, that I swear that man could not only sleep through anything, he could probably sleep standing up.

At this point, around eleven pm-ish, the contractions were in and out at 5-8 minutes apart.
We contemplated waking John up....we had a plan--he, the doula, and I--about how all this would go and honestly the mom's weren't really part of it, but I wanted to "make sure" this was 100% real so I welcomed their company while things progressed.
From what I remember, around 2 am we finally agreed to wake up John so he and I could talk to our doula and determine a game plan with how things were going so far.
Within half an hour of him calling her I was in the car headed to the hospital. Not exactly what I had envisioned!
I had "planned" (funny how the words "I had planned..." keeps creeping up in this story...sigh...) to labor at home as long as possible. Although I had been laboring at home I didn't have any of the "true" signs besides contractions that I had transitioned into what I considered labor.
No mucus plug....my water had not broken....these were the things I personally was waiting for before I wanted to go to the hospital.
Doris Ann, the doula, met us at our house before we made started of to Womack just to make sure that she and John were making the right call for us to head there.
John got her thumbs up approval to head to Womack, so we trekked out on the most uncomfortable car ride I have ever been on in a long time!

Womack is only about 10 minutes from our house give or take, but thanks to no traffic at 2 am, it was a clear shot and we were there in no time.
I was dropped off with Doris Ann at the entrance where we slowly made our way to the third floor (Mother/Baby Unit) one measly contracting step at a time.
TYL that Womack has railings along their long hallways.
I'm convinced that's the only way I made it to the third floor without crawling on my hands and knees!!
Once we got to the third floor Doris Ann and I started "walking laps" up and down that hallway, using the hall rails as my squat support bar during contractions.
I wanted to delay admission into the hospital for as long as I could, progressing on my own without any doctors or nurses input. Just simply let my body do what God created it to do, even if it's in its own slow time...

Pushing on her head through my back
to try to make it move.

Once John and the mom's caught up with us, John started walking the laps with us.
Doris Ann whipped out some lavender lotion to rub my lower back/tailbone area while I was squatting thru contractions....it was then that she said the dreaded words that would mark the rest of my day and labor experience...."Something feels weird. From what I'm feeling on your back, this baby is OP, and maybe crooked--John come feel this...."
He came over and started pushing on the right side of my back just above my tailbone....shooting pain came all over my body causing me to cry out a little for the first time...(all those breathing exercises tend to seriously go out the window in this whole labor process so I learned!!).
Not only was our little bug OP, but her head was tilted to the right side as well, giving Doris Ann a full baseball size lump in my back that was all baby head.

Not the greatest news ever...all the sudden her "lack" of droppage made sense to all of us and now had totally pissed me off.
How had no one not noticed this before?!?
How many doc appointments had I been to in the last 30 days where they totally "feel you up" and no one thought to feel THAT part out? I had a doc appointment not even 12 hours prior to this moment 2 floors beneath me....and just now this is all making horrible sense.
We continued walking the halls, making potty break pit stops along the way. At one point I finally lost my mucus plug on one of these breaks which was a relief to me among the new stress we had "found."
At least things were happening on their own, even if I wasn't at home like I had wanted.
After a couple hours of hall walking we finally made our way to the delivery side of the wing and got admitted and the party really started and some things start to get blurry.

We got admitted around 4 am from what everyone remembers.
I got put in a room to change, got a capped off IV (which was one of my "I don't wants" but Doris Ann made me--turns out with good reason!!), and made my way to the shower where we labored there for a while using the rails again as support.

Alternated use of the exercise ball, hall rails, bed,
and shower during labor. 

I don't know how often the contractions were or anything, I just know that they were definitely there, and progressively throughout the day Doris Ann kept checking my back to see if the baby's head had straightened at all--it hadn't.
At some point we were put in an actual delivery room (not sure how we got there to be honest!!) where I continued to labor in the shower, using the exercise ball, using different positions on the hospital bed--trying anything and everything to get the baby to move.
At about 10 am I got checked and had progressed to 9cm (unmedicated) but the pain was beyond contraction pain at this point. Something was just not right.
Looking back now, I can remember seeing it in their faces.
My water had still not broken and her head was still not turned.
At the time, I thought the pain I was going through was "normal" so I soldiered up and kept doing anything and everything they told me to do to get the baby to turn and drop, but to no avail.
They went ahead and broke my water (another let down for me unfortunately, I really had wanted it to break on it's own) and not only did they express a worry that there was possible meconium in the water but now with baby girls water bed gone, her sunny side up/cocked to the side head went directly into my pelvic bone as she descended down a bit.
Within the hour my body was taken over, out of my control, and naturally went into push mode on its own causing her head to virtually head-butt my pelvic bone over and over and over with every contraction I had....because her head was cocked there was no relief of the pressure which made me to dry heave with every contraction that came and went.

Doris Ann went into super doula mode trying anything and everything to get the baby to turn her head and nothing was working....I couldn't sit, the pressure was too much. I couldn't stand because of the contractions and her head butting my hips and pelvis...With every squat I did her head would grind into the bone causing me to dry heave more....
All along at this point I was waiting, hoping, almost praying that someone would suggest I get some medication. I wasn't going to ask for it, that wasn't the plan.
Fortunately (Unfortunately??) everyone knew my plan and no one offered. Based off that I continued to think that this pain I was feeling was normal and that this was part of the experience.
I was stuck at 9cm, unmedicated, for over 6 hours.
Not only was she still not dropping, but because my body was so naturally tense from things, she almost couldn't drop if she wanted too. I just couldn't naturally relax against the pain enough.

At this point Doris Ann suggested trying some medication.
She knew I was extremely against any type of medication in my labor experience, but I was needing something that would help me relax and hopefully in turn allow the baby to move and hopefully drop into position.
(No one mentioned this until later, but they were already prepping a room for me to have a emergency c-section if things didn't start to change soon...Most everyone that I've talked to knows that I'm very anti c-section unless it was a absolute true emergency, so this would have been like hitting the ultimate panic button if someone had brought it up...).

I agreed to the drug Fentanyl, which would only stay in my system for no more than half an hour and would help take the "edge off."
With this, I had to lose the belly heart monitors and resorted to the fetal scalp electrode along with a catheter so they could monitor the baby better and make sure she wasn't in distress. The first two didn't attach to her head correctly, which resorted to a third attempt that finally stuck.
Well, apparently Fentanyl doesn't phase me in labor, cause it didn't relieve a single thing and so I continued to labor on my own for a while longer....

Finally Doris Ann had a "come to Jesus" meeting with me suggesting that even though it wasn't what I wanted, to get an epidural, because most likely it would relax my body enough to quit naturally trying to push and could potentially allow the baby to at least turn her head straight.
At that point, I didn't care anymore. I had lost all motivation and will to continue on the way I had been.
I agreed to the epidural and was all fixed up within 20 minutes plus fluids.
Apparently I went through two bags of fluids in less than an hour...

Pre push power nap!

They turned me on my left side, once I was set up, hoping that gravity would take over and help the baby shift down some and get her head to correct.
The doped me up so "bad" (IDK if it was my natural reaction or if I got some sympathetic extra happy drugs) that I dozed on and off for an hour. I remember feeling pressure from contractions that would jolt me awake, but I couldn't move anything from the belly button below, so I'm sure it looked hysterical.
I remember my mom putting a cell phone to my ear, telling me it was my dad, and that's when I finally broke down.
I started crying telling him I had tried my best and I couldn't do it anymore....I don't remember anything he said back to be honest....but that was the first time that it hit me.
I tried my best, I couldn't do it, and that really sucked.
At the time I felt like a failure. I felt like a phony, and I felt like a pansy.
I mean, this is what our bodies are made to do, right?
What did I do wrong in all of my pregnancy to make this not go right?
Did I sleep on my right side too much? Did I not exercise enough?
All this seems ludicrous now, but at the time, I was playing a major blame game on myself and it took a lot of selflessness on my part to let it go. This was about having a healthy baby girl, not trying to be a laboring woman hero.
The drugs did the best consoling of my guilt. :)

After my hour long "nap" the midwife came in to check me.
With just the epidural and being laid on my side for an hour, our baby's head had turned!
Within the hour, I finally progressed to the full 10 cm and 100% effacement, plus the baby was now at a +1 and progressively dropping.
What a relief this was to me. The guilt was gone. It had worked and I could naturally deliver our baby girl. That's all I really wanted. I realized that although it wasn't all going my way, I was thrilled beyond words that I could actually "have" her.

A little before 4 pm, I started pushing (on purpose this time!).
I had been in "true" labor over 21 hours and I couldn't wait to get this pushing game going.
I requested that a mirror be brought in so I could watch and "know" that I was truly pushing since now I couldn't feel it.
I tried multiple pushing positions all of which gave progress to the cause.

I eventually had to have oxygen because I was having such a hard time catching enough air to push her out through the contractions.

After a little over 2 hours of pushing our baby girl was delivered to me, skin to skin, at 5:54 pm.
Her head was the most oblong coned head I had ever seen and thanks to my pelvic bone had a dent in it about as thick and as long as my index finger.
Her coned head aided in her measurement being an extra half inch on her length too!
Awesome.

TMI time, just FYI.
As I was watching her come out, the first thing I saw in that mirror was the fact that she had dark hair!
OMG, so not fair.
I was so wanting a red head!
After the three final pushes, and that little girl, in all her dented head glory, was placed on me, I just started bawling.
She was perfect!
She gave out a couple "cries" and I just lost it.
I was so relieved, exhausted, terrified, happy--anything and every emotion you could ever imagine was rushing though my body at that point that I couldn't not break down.
It was awesome and I will never forget it.

More TMI time.
I wasn't able to have the private alone time with just her, John and I wanted right away like we requested.
I had so much "damage" down there that it took about half an hour to stitch me up before they would finally bring her to me. I asked the midwife how many stitches I was going to have to have for the "damage" in which she replied, "You really want to know?"
Sigh, maybe not...still don't know to this day, and although I get curious at times, I'm ok with my ignorance.

After I was "set" and Brynlee was all measured and swaddled and brought to me, everyone cleared the room and dimmed the lights so it was just us three.
I was able to nurse her then, and she latched on immediately and perfectly that first time.
This was such a relief to me.
This was really important to me to be able to do and it really made the experience complete for me.

After about an hour alone they wheeled us into our recovery room. I was still numb from the epidural for the most part but was starting to get some feeling back. I would actually startle myself awake in the night by my legs moving in my sleep and not knowing I had feeling back in them!
Once settled in our room (and meeting our awesome roommates! The dad was a Bronco fan, so he was automatically cool in my book) the nurse and her assistant left us to finally get some rest.
Womack doesn't have a baby nursery, so you are in "possession" of your baby as soon as it's born and it's only taken from you when they are doing tests/shots/etc.
I was so thankful John stayed in the hospital with us the two days we were there.
If I remember right we woke her up every two hours to feed her.

The next day I had all the feeling back in my body and Oh Em Gee.
There is no way to ever put into words the pain that was going on down there.
Thank you Lord for hospital beds because the process of walking from the bed to the bathroom and back was enough to make me want to nap.
Along with that, they wanted me to walk laps around the hospital wing, at least three laps a day, to get moving etc.
My Dad had caught a red eye flight from Colorado Springs to Fayetteville around 1 am that morning and had arrived in NC in time for my mom to pick him up from the airport and bring us some Panera breakfast (my first non preg meal request!).

It was so awesome to have my dad there.
I never realized how calm/secure he makes me.
He sat next to me in the hospital bed holding that little baby and it was the neatest thing ever.
She was so tiny with him!

We had several visitors that first day which was so neat--and Bryn was such a good sport.
Doris Ann came by as well to check in on us (mainly me I think) and gave me a clearer picture of what went on the night before!
I had no idea that there was so much concern over my labor that everyone was preparing for a c-section.
I'm so thankful, looking back, that no one said anything to me about it.
I'm not sure, after how hard and how far I had gotten at that point, that I would have been able to handle it.
The c-section, alone, would have consumed the guilt ridden me.
Forget the epidural, I'll take 10 if I don't have to have the c-section!
So yeah, glad she and I could talk about it after the fact, and SO thankful that she was there to support both John and I as well aiding us in our delivery of our little Brynlee.
My Army wife friends and their kids came by that day, as well as John's higher ups, all bringing goodies for the new bebe.
John's mom came by that evening (the labor wore her out as much as me, lol) with more grandma gifts--this little bug is so spoiled already.
We settled in for our last night there at the hospital continuing our feeding schedule with her but SO anticipating getting home already.

By the next afternoon we were being discharged and ready to get home.
Bryn had some "on the fence" jaundice numbers, but it wasn't enough to keep us there at the hospital.
Dad picked us up and drove us home.
Mom and Connie had decorated the outside of the house some and made sure the inside was spotless.
That was almost a relief in itself.
Coming home to a spotless house like that was worth it's weight in gold!
The animals.
Our poor furry babies.
To this day they still aren't quite sure about all this baby stuff.
Hurley is just very concerned, but very curious.
He won't go near her unless we invite him over and even so, he's still very unsure, but still SO gentle.
She's definitely already gotten some Hurley nose kisses.
Bella is just mad at the world, and that's what we expected.
She and I have had to have it out several times.
When I'd be feeding Bryn and Bella would try to jump in my lap.
Needless to say we've had to give her lots of cat treats to make up for our parental neglect.
Jax, well, he's just himself.
I'm not sure he's phased one bit by the madness.
Especially if someone is there to make sure he has food, I think he could honestly care less!

Well that's really the crux of our labor/birth story.
Now onto the new mom adventures I've already experienced!
And man, as many of you know, this little booger of a baby is really testing me on my stuff.
More to come.......

Brynlee "Bryn" Paige Christian

Before the BIG day....

Disclaimer: I had wanted to write at least one more entry prior to our little bug being born...so much had happened between then and now that I wanted to make sure to share....so backtracking a little bit....

The last month of pregnancy literally flew by.
My last post it was Christmas Day and exactly one month away from little one's due date.
I continued to stay busy with work while John did the same.
His new schedule with the K9 kennels has come to be quite an adjustment.
I spent a lot of the last month pregnant alone for the most part, but in all honesty it was probably best! I think I would have driven him nuts with all the nesting projects I felt I "had to do."
Thanks to the discovery of pinterest.com I continuously found projects I, again, "had to do" for the baby's room and I needed to do them NOW.
As soon as January 1st hit, I felt like she could come any minute and I wasn't ready.
The phrase "full term" scared the poo out of me and I felt like I had so much to do before she could come. Like I was in control of it or something.....
For Christmas my mother in law bought me some cookbooks I had been asking for. One is called Fix It and Forget It: Five Ingredient Favorites and the other two were part of the series Don't Panic, Dinner's in the Freezer. These books replaced all my maternity reading books--along with some major couponing--I managed to prep several meals in advance to freeze before baby/family came.

As far as work was concerned, I was honestly having a really hard time. I was so uncomfortable sitting all day and my belly kept me at such a distance from my computer that it was so hard on my back and hips. I would get up and walk around occasionally as my work usually does, but it just wasn't enough sometimes.
Sometimes I had to just get up and stand for while, causing some concerning looks from my poor coworkers that had to put up with me this entire ordeal.
The lightening feelings are pretty consistent and so uncomfortable. Sometimes just have to zen out at my computer screen at work to get through them. Little gal is such a squirmer. I constantly have feet up in my ribs and we are constantly battling it out too.
I'll get a foot jab which I'll push back down, which pushes back even harder...sigh....this is seriously karma in the making.

January 3rd was our last group Centering meeting.
So crazy that things have come around full circle. There we all are sitting there in all our pregnant glory, just waiting for the first one to pop so the rest of us can. Just waiting for the domino effect!
On January 11th I had my first weekly appointment in OB/Midwifery at Womack.
I kept in touch with our doula, Doris Ann, during all this process getting cues from her about what to talk to the docs/midwives about, etc. She suggested getting checked for dilation just to see where we are at and what we'd need to do from there.
At the appointment I was 2 cm dilated, 50% effaced, but little bug was still hanging out up high at a -3. Little did I know, once I was in labor, what a horrible issue this -3 was going to be, sigh....
I was a little disappointed with the numbers.
I called the doula back with the "stats" and she gave me a game plan to try to naturally induce labor. From the beginning I have been very anti-medical inducement, so anything I could naturally do to induce any sort of labor, I was game for!
However, I promised my mom and mother in law that I wouldn't actively try anything until they got here that weekend.
They arrived on the 21st and the wait was on (shout out to my coworker Kat Briles who drove to Raleigh with me "just in case" to pick up the moms!).
I started feeling, what I now know, contracts starting Monday. They would always come in the morning, very early, around 4 am or so. I would wake up in the night with horrible pains and nothing I could do would make them go away or ease up. John was still working at this point so after he left for work I'd sit in our room on the exercise ball just trying to time things on my own hoping that "this was it."
This happened for DAYS.
The contractions would come on in the morning and usually taper off by noon-ish everyday.
I was getting so frustrated.
I know these things are totally out of my control, but good grief! The anticipation was absolutely killing me (and the future grandmas!) and I was so ready to just get the ball rolling already.
On Wednesday, January 25th, I had my weekly doctor's appointment. I, again, checked in with Doris Ann prior to the appointment and she said to get checked again, and if there's been progress, depending on what it is, she'd suggest getting my membranes stripped so that medical induction doesn't enter the picture. I was 40 weeks to the day at this appointment, and unfortunately, they scheduled me NST's and induction dates anyways...Luckily this appointment was with my Centering midwife, Major White, and so she knew me and knew my mindset when it came to the medical intervention side of things. I struggled with the thought of getting the membranes stripped.
Isn't that a medical induction in a way??
In all honesty, now that I'm on the other side of the fence, I think it depends on what you personally think. I am counting it as a "no," but I know some consider it a medical intervention.
But hey, if it meant not having to be "literally" medically induced, then it served it's purpose.
Before the stripping I got checked again and was now at 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced, but bug was still at a -3. I was so bummed.
I had been doing EVERYTHING the doula suggested to get this game going and even though it probably worked some, I was very disheartened to know that she hadn't dropped more. Because of that I went ahead and conceded in getting the membranes stripped.
My mother had to get it done with both my brother and I, and we both were born within 24 hours of her getting it done, so hoping genetics might work in my favor, I got it done........And the labor story begins............

The final pictures! 36-39 weeks....

The Home Stretch

What a busy month it's been and no doubt the craziness has kept building since then....
November finished out as a "winner" not only because of adorable baby things that made my day, like these.....

....but also thanks to my youngest niece/birthday twin (she turned 1, I turned 27), getting to go home to see family for Thanksgiving, and also having a baby shower while in CO!

John finally got to go to his first Centering appointment with me on November 22nd.
It's the third time he's been to a doctor's appointment with me this entire pregnancy, so it was really special for me to have him there and see what I've been doing when I go to these meetings.
John wasn't able to go to the appointment where the labor and delivery wing was toured, but at this meeting we toured the recovery wing so he was able to participate in that which was neat. We're going to go on a "make-up" labor and delivery wing tour later on before she comes though so he's caught up.

After our appointment we were off to CO!

Because John's job is so fickle when it comes to approved time off, especially leaving the state, we usually have to travel on different flights--on the same day--to the same destination--because of the tickets being bought at different times. People look at us like we're crazy when we explain how we travel, but hey, gotta do what you gotta do!
This was the first time my dad saw me "obviously" pregnant (one day shy of 31 weeks at that point) and boy, was his reaction great, "OMG, holy cow."
Yeah, I love you too dad. :)

Once John arrived we grabbed some late dinner and headed back down to the Springs. Good ole home.
Don't think I can ever get tired of waking up at my parents house and seeing this view from their driveway:

The next day John and I drove back up to Denver to pick up the future Uncle Drew from DIA. This was also the first time my little bro would see me obviously pregnant and I was so stoked!
As Drew walked out of the gate area out to where we were waiting and saw me it was just classic.
Lots of smiles and big hugs, then he kinda stared at the stomach a minute and said he had to look away cause it was weirding him out. LOL.
No worries, I'm not offended, it is pretty weird.
This is a first for so many of us, the whole concept and thought process is pretty far out there!

Thanksgiving Day was great because it consisted of true family blending! John's mom, brother, and our sister in law came over for the lunch, plus, my dearest, Kristen Cook, totally surprised me by not going home to KS for the holiday and sticking around the Springs. GG (we're starting to call her 3G now that she'll be a great grandma, but she doesn't get it....) came over as well, of course, and Darrell and Myrna flew in from OK for the holiday as well.
I was tasked with the Green Bean Casserole over at GG's house, so I hung out over at her house (about 10 houses down from my parents house!) for the morning doing my thing, while she and Myrna slaved over peeling hard boiled eggs.
My poor distraught grandmother was getting very disheartened about the eggs not peeling right, so Darrell went to the store to boil another dozen and start over. At that point John, Drew, and Kristen were over at GG's house too, and in order to get the deviled eggs done in time, we had to get creative.
Thanks to Darrell's iPad and youtube, we discovered an "art" of making the egg peeling process go a tad faster and a bit more conventional. I'm very proud to say my husband displayed some new true talents I didn't know he had....May I present the concept, and new Thanksgiving tradition, of "egg blowing":

Sigh.......we are so easily entertained, it's scary.
The weather Thanksgiving day was fantastic, and after we all ate, the majority of us went on a walk on the trail that runs behind GG and my parents house.
We spent Thanksgiving evening with John's family on the other end of town. His dad is currently stationed at Ft. Carson with his wife and two young daughters, so we had Thanksgiving dinner with them then ventured over to Mom and Dad Hyskell's house  (one of John's multiple sets of "parents") to see them, their family, as well as our dear friends (their son and his wife), Scott & Katie.
(I have to insert here that Scott, John and their other friend Casey all grew up on the same street since elementary school and still remain friends--better yet, they all married Katie's....keeping things simple I suppose??)
There, we got educated on cameras which was our Black Friday item we were on the hunt for.
Thanks to their coaching we ended up purchasing this bad boy:

...to which John pretty much hogged the rest of the trip. I got to play with it once when he forgot to take it with him somewhere, but that was really it. He'll probably be using it a tad bit more than me here in the beginning anyways, so maybe it worked out better that way. :)

That Saturday, the 26th was our Baby Shower hosted by my sis-in-law, Karen, Katie Hyskell, and my Mom, held at the Hyskell's house.
Drew had to fly out early that morning AND dad's high school football team he coaches had their quarter final game that day as well, so they missed out (ok, dad showed up at the end after their win and in time for his favorite part, pictures!).

We had an absolute fantastic time at the shower. Not only were we/Baby C blessed with many of the necessities plus some gift wise, but the fellowship of these long time family and friends were worth it alone.
We have such an amazing support system, even all the way in Colorado, and it was so refreshing to be reminded of that. When the ladies were planning this shower the only thing I really "requested" was that people's spouses and kids came too. We have so many mutual friends I didn't want John to be singled out by a bunch of ladies, LOL. It made for a full house, but it was awesome...I think the men had just as much fun as the women. :)

The next morning we realized how tiring showers can be....and we also realized we're going to have to get all this stuff home!! I supervised while John demonstrated his long abandoned packing skills from back in his mover days in college....we sorted, stuffed, wrapped, everything you can think of to get as much packed into the empty suitcases we brought, and we (he!) rocked it. We ended up "returning" only three items for store credit in which when we returned home I purchased them back....it couldn't have worked out any better...

That afternoon we met up with the Christian clan to get some family pictures. It's very rare for all of us to  have time off and be available at the same time, so this took a lot of careful plotting and planning, but thankfully we got it done thanks to Scott & Katie Hyskell, our "drug into it," photographers. :)

Connie Christian, Danny, Karen, Audrey, & Emery Christian,
Jerrod & Brittany Christian, and John & Katie Christian 2011.

Hung out with Danny, Karen, and their girls after pictures to get in some quality niece time which partially consisted of me trying to convince Emery she should walk for us. Sadly it didn't work, but it was worth a shot (about a week after we left we got a video text of her walking, little booger).
We then took the girls to the mall to see Santa which was awesome. Audrey was so good and just smiled away, but Emery hit a state of panic I have never seen before. It was awesome. This baby hardly ever isn't smiling, so this was definitely one of those precious moments to prove she's not an angel ALL the time. ;-)

Once we got back to NC it's been a whirlwind.

Doc appointments, night shifts, day shifts, random last minute work trips to Jersey (John that is!), birthing classes.....what else....??........
We finally hired a doula which I am SO stoked about. Her name is Dorris Ann and I knew I had to have her the first time I met her. Maybe she's just that good of a saleswoman, but shoot, it worked on me, so she's hired. :)
It took me a while to get John on board with this concept of using a doula without it coming across offensive to him or a waste of money--but once he met her and got to know her, it was a done deal.

I opted to hire a doula mainly for insurance for me.
John absolutely loves his new job with the K9 unit at Bragg and you can tell it's something he's good at--therefore willing to put in more time than most deem necessary.
With that, comes the down side of him not always being available when I might need something--anything....really day or night...and that was really making me nervous the more we got into the groove with this new unit and the closer to January we were getting.
The Army has made me a horrible "what if" person, sometimes this is good, sometimes it's just downright awful and I feel so bad that I have that mentality with everything, but it's become natural instinct for me.
Feel bad for John, honestly!
In the end, he and I both know, regardless of whatever "what if" happens, we rarely have control over what variable takes over--and that was just killing me while being pregnant.
What if he's on night kennels and my water breaks?
What if he had to take a last minute trip out of state and I go into early/labor?
What are our back up plans in case he's not there to coach me like we've been working on??
We don't have family here, or even within a days driving distance....we have some fabulous friends, but you can only obligate them so much in a situation as intense as that!
I needed a back up plan, aka: insurance, for me that if and when something like that does happen I'm not alone having to figure it out, and he's not off somewhere freaking out that he's not here to help me.
Hence Dorris Ann. :)
Then there is the other side of things, most likely (fingers crossed?) none of those "what ifs" will happen, John and I will be able to labor "together" with him coaching me and helping me like we want, and luckily for both of us Dorris Ann will be there regardless to coach both of us.
As a doula, she'll not only help me labor at home as much as possible (preventing multiple trips the hospital until I am dilated enough) but also run interference with the hospital staff, on our behalf, once we are admitted, when it comes to our previously outlined preferences/wishes for our birthing experience there at the hospital. Once baby is born she sticks around to make sure our after birth wishes are respected/implemented and also stays behind to make sure the baby and I are nursing correctly, etc.

The whole concept is kind of a new one I've learned....at least to people my parents age and such. The best way I've learned to explain it is to describe her as my personal "birthing" trainer.
I had to assure my mom she wasn't being substituted by a "hired mom" in any of this grand baby process, if anything the doula helping me will hopefully help my mom, dad, and John's mom enjoy the whole experience with us better by not being obligated to me 24/7 or worry about my or the baby's care if they aren't with me the whole time. 
Hopefully once they meet her they'll realize all three of us are in good hands and they can not stress about any of it and just soak the whole experience in like we hope to.
I truly think it's going to work out great. I'm so excited to share this experience with our families I wish they could all be there when she's born...
It's just going to be so exciting, regardless of "how" she arrives. :)

As I mentioned before, we took Birthing Classes through Womack where I'll be delivering. The instructor, Tracy, was this fantastic "old" southern black lady (and proud of it, in case you would like to know!) that called all our baby's cornbreads (unless it is/was a big baby then it's called "cornbread and gravy") and taught us the good, the bad, and the ugly of pregnancy, delivery, medical interventions, relaxation & lamaze, as well as postpartum care and breastfeeding.
A lot of these things I had learned in my Centering meetings, but since John's been out of state or unavailable for 95% of my doctor's appointments, etc. we pegged this as his crash course into "daddyhood." We both learned a lot and it made me so much more calm and confident with John being my labor coach with Dorris Ann.
I also took a breastfeeding class (taught by the lactation consultant) on post which was so informative and helpful. I've been picking the brains of all you breastfeeding mommies and between you all and this class I feel like I at least know what kind of commitment I am in for!
We are so blessed with the resources the Army/Womack has to offer when it comes to having children. They may make our lives a living hell 75% of the time, no doubt, but when push comes to shove, knowing these resources are there to help make your family unit successful is just such a blessing to me.

About two weeks after our last Birthing Class I had my bi-weekly Centering meeting where the midwife confirmed our little girl had dropped and has currently "assumed the position."
What a scary/exciting moment!
According to the midwife, she's been head down for about two months now, but since the beginning of December I knew something was different with her...well perhaps more so with me, thanks to her??
Not sure which it is! Either way, they gave me a support belt which I've been totally rocking, attempting to bring sexy back, fo sho.
When they first fitted me for it I wasn't too sure about it, but after wearing it for a week now, I'm a firm believer! This thing is seriously dynamite.
It holds that little booger up enough where I don't have to waddle everywhere I go, and enough to relieve some of the back pressure her weight in my front was bringing me. Totally worth the odd looks I've gotten when my shirt doesn't cover it up all the way!! :)

Today, Christmas Day, is a month away from her designated due date.
I've always been skeptical of the phrase "due date" because in the end, does it really mean anything anyways?? She'll come when she wants to come!
Either way, it's a humbling/scary/exciting/exasperating thought.
We have been so blessed by the outpouring of love and support from our friends and family, literally world wide, that one would think it'd be hard to be scared and not excited.
BUT truth be told I'm scared to death.
I'm scared that what we are wanting for our birth plan might be me biting off more than I can chew.
I'm scared that I might try to be a hero and not be a good parent in being reasonable and responsible for her--not for me.
I'm scared that some of my very minor health issues might end up standing in the way of me laboring/delivering the way I want.
I'm scared I might fail at one of my goals and take it very personally--like already a failure.
I'm scared I won't be able to do it on my own, period.
It's so intimidating to think of being responsible for this little life we created.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we start our countdown of this last month (what if she's early?!!??! LOL) before she arrives.
In the end I know what will be, will be, and luckily another thing the Army has taught me a little too well is how to make lemonade out of lemons if things don't go your way.

Here's to my baby girl and the countdown to whenever she chooses to come. Be patient with your dad and I. We want so much for you that we're scared to breathe wrong when it comes to you already. We are so excited for you to come and so are your cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents, great aunts, great uncles, great cousins (??), even your furry brothers and sister, as well as your parents friends that have claimed you as their own.

You are blessed little girl, in so many ways, just be nice to your mom please. :)

No Pain No Gain

Oh my goodness, I'm pregnant and starting to get so stinking excited!!

This transition from second trimester into third has had it's moments for sure, but the closer and closer I get to the end the more excited and incessantly overwhelmed  I get.....but in an amazing way. I am overwhelmed by the experience. It's so amazing how our bodies work 

Since my last post until here recently I began physical therapy with some specialists to help with my hip/back pain as well as how it was effecting my sleep, etc. Although I recognize that all pregnant women go through all these discomforts, all I was really looking for with this is guidance in stretches and techniques I could do to make mine more bearable, especially since gym time is becoming not only more difficult but time for it is running scarce these days. 

After about a month's worth of appointments and tips I left there feeling much stronger in my core and also with a good "at home" plan to keep things up....now the key is to continue doing them!

End of October John and I drove up to Raleigh for a maternity shoot and it was a blast. The photographer, http://jchristinaphotography.net/, is so talented, and I was really glad that after years of talking about a shoot, we finally got to work together. I love her style and her eye! I'll post our final picks of the shoot when I get them. One of the most fun parts of the shoot was actually before it took place--finding props!

At first I was really worried about this because I didn't want to be overly baby cliche but I still wanted something to represent her besides my belly. Although we ended up not choosing some of the prop pictures we opted for her first teddy (sent by Great Aunt Anna!), a sonogram, a snowflake, some newborn UGG style boots, and some dog tags. I was really happy with our options and can't wait to get the final pics!!

At our Centering Meeting on the 25th we met a doula that works exclusively with Womack. I was so excited for this session! I am really wanting to have a doula and although John and I haven't 100% decided on this investment yet, I'm pretty much sold just on concept. I like the fact that having her there gives John a break if he needs one, I also like the fact that she was really big on helping us achieve our birthing goals and working with us, even if it's one contraction at a time!

One concern I had, which came up when I told my mom about hiring a doula, was "what about me helping you?" I explained to my mom, that this was an experience for her too, and I don't want someone emotionally attached to me to be in that position. 

I am planning on having a medication free labor, and I know if my mom were there helping me/coaching me and I was changing my mind and wanting medicine, she would get it for me. I liked the fact the doula would if I really wanted it, but prefers to go about it in a different way, in order to help me keep my goal, and just go through it all one step at a time. 

If I know those medicines are available, I'm probably going to take them, so to me it's better to eliminate that issue altogether than letting it present itself when I'm really vulnerable and wanting it!

We'll see if it works out. Fingers crossed it'll work out not only financially for us, but also in a personality way too. We all need to click, John included, so I am hoping that when the three of us sit down and get the information and talk it all out, that a consensus will easily be reached, regardless of what it is. 

John left for Jersey, the first week of November, leaving me to fend the glucose test on my own...not that he could help me anyways! I had heard from other ladies in my Centering Group and at work about the best way to get the best "true" results, so I ate a good dinner the night before at about 5 pm and fasted the rest of the night. 

I went to the lab first thing in the AM, still fasting, as soon as the lab opened to get it over with. This orange delight was waiting for me and I can honestly say it really wasn't as bad as everyone had made it out to be.

Yes it was very sugary, and it wasn't the best thing ever, but it's 10 oz. of virtually hyped orange Fanta you have to drink in 5 minutes and then wait an hour to have your blood drawn. 

I downed the "Fanta" and got my instructions to continue to not eat, or really drink for that matter, not even gum or water, and if I feel sick to let them know. I had heard horror stories of women getting sick, so I was prepared as I could be in my eyes. I brought a book with me and plopped a spot in the corner of the waiting room and watched the clock count down my hour wait time.

About half way through my wait I remember looking up at someone walking in and my head was seriously swimming, lol. Little girl was a little bouncing bean and I personally thought it was hilarious. This is the closest thing to a sugar rush she's ever had, so it really entertained me for some really bizarre reason. 

Got my blood taken and ran to the nearest Starbucks and got my "treat" of oatmeal to take to work with me. I decided to "cheat" and order a Peppermint Mocha which was a horrible idea. Having already had that much sugar with no food, that mocha was the worst thing ever. All I could taste was the sugar and I wanted to gag. I made myself drink it though, can't toss a $4  coffee! It was also a bummer because I have had maybe two or three coffee drinks since I found out I was pregnant, and I was really bummed that one of my "cheats" didn't work out so well. It was seriously disgusting and that alone makes me sad!
I passed the test, first try, FYI, so no secondary prolonged 3 hour test for these girls!

John got back from Jersey by the end of the week and we continued to peck away at our version of couples nesting which consists of major de-cluttering throughout the house on both our parts. We are having to have major "come to Jesus" meetings with ourselves to make our house the way we want for when little girl comes. Oddly enough we've kind of enjoyed it, it's been these little goals and accomplishments that make us feel like we're "on schedule."

Other goals, however, have consisted of really fun achievements for the both of us such as this...

This last Centering Meeting I had on 11-8, consisted of a tour through the Mother Baby Unit at Womack. It was so exciting!! I have learned that I'm becoming one of "those" weird pregnant women that get ecstatic at sponging the knowledge of how the delivery bed works and what this button does...It's just so exciting to me and I can't wait for my experience. While we were sitting there in the delivery room listening to the anesthesiologist I couldn't help but get the tingles. My little girl is going to be born here!! 

MY little girl, how amazing is that!! All the nights of uncomfortable sleep thus far and all the tired for no reason fits I've had, I can't wait to have her and have a "reason" in my hands to continue to have no more sleep and tired for a reason.....I can't believe what a blessing it is and I am so thankful for this experience thus far and the responsibility to follow.  

Aaauugghh!! It's just too much sometimes. 

I seriously get teary eyed thinking about it, I just can't wait.

I have been reminded as of late how precious these little lives are and how not to take them for granted. All the times I'm awoken in the night from hard core jabs or having to get up again to go pee, I'll take it all, x100, for this experience and gift I'm being given. 

The holidays are coming up and we are traveling to Colorado for Thanksgiving. I am especially excited because my mom, sis in law, and my HS partner in crime are hosting a baby shower for us and I just can't wait. I can't wait to SEE everyone. Some of these people I haven't seen since we moved to NC so I am just so excited to see and share this experience with our home support homies. We're so blessed with amazing friends, family, and family friends...I'm reminded of this often when I get random, perfectly timed, emails or texts from them checking in on me/us. It, again, makes me feel incessantly overwhelmed by the support system John and I have, and I'm so excited to have this little girl in the middle of it. She'll never want for anything when it comes to the love and support of our friends and family, and to me, that's the best thing you can ever give a child. 

She's going to be so blessed and not even know it...I feel blessed just thinking about it. :)

"Baby" State of Mind

John graduated K9 school end of September and was finally on a plane coming home on the first.
FINALLY.
I picked him up from the airport Saturday night kind of nervous.
When he left I didn't look pregnant. The only obvious way he could be reminded I was even pregnant was by my lack of appetite and my lethargic demeanor.
How would he react to how much has changed these last three months? I knew he wouldn't react "badly" but I've just been so self conscious lately that I couldn't help but wonder.
He finally came out of the terminal and gave me a big hug, my belly in the way, and goes, "Aw! You are really pregnant. It looks like a cone!"
Sigh.....I'll take it. :)
We went out for sushi and then once home John had a good long play time with Hurley to catch up on lost father/son time. I don't think Hurley has any idea what he's in for now that John's finished K9 school, poor pup.

John's first day back to the 108th was a nerve wracking one because we didn't know what to expect. Where we staying here at Bragg? So many have been getting orders to move....Is he staying in the 108th or maybe move to the 42nd where he can actually be a K9 MP?? There was a chance he might not...so we had no idea what to expect.
By end of day, Monday, we got word John would be moving, literally across the street, to the 42nd K9 detachment, which means for now, we are staying here at Ft. Bragg.
Mixed emotions on this, considering he's been stationed here 5 years and never moved, but considering our circumstances, it'll do for sure.
He immediately started out processing and by end of week was officially "out" of the 108th MP CO.
John had been a member of this company since he joined the Army five years ago, so it was a bittersweet week for both of us. We both have lots of friends that are still in the 108th that I hope we keep in touch with, but it's also exciting for this new chapter to begin.

For Columbus Day weekend, John and I headed up to Raleigh/Cary/Durham with "Mission: Baby Registry" on the agenda. I managed to find a hotel that not only had both a Target and Babies R Us within a 1 mile radius, but also a Noodles &Company, which I never knew was there!
The closest Noodles I had researched I thought was in Charlotte, but since we found this one, I think that Cary is my new fave place!
Friday night we hit up Cheesecake Factory and gorged on Steak Diane, Crab Fonduta, and of course cheesecake to get us geared up for the next day.

D-Day...AKA, baby registry day, we started off at Target and scanned away until the gun battery died.
I went into this weekend with a planned list of what we "needed" and what we "might need" depending on multiple "what ifs" that have yet to be determined.
I was so glad John was involved. It made things a lot easier, even if he was scanning things not on my list...
He surprisingly has opinions on the most random things, you just never know what they are unless you ask, so I learned.
It was neat to see what categories things fell into for him-- the "I don't really care, pick what you want" to the polar opposite where he had a whole slew of opinions.
Who woulda known this man is picky about her bath towel colors?!
After Target (and Noodles & Co!!) we hit up Babies R Us.
I was already getting tired and cranky, but we went in to do our thing. We got the registry set up and went scanning away here and there. By the time we made it back to the stroller/car seat/pack 'n play area I was seriously delirious.
At one point I was so distraught at not seeing a single set of those items I liked, that I ended up sitting on the floor in the middle of the isle while John tried strollers out....I eventually moved into the stroller bay to sit and get out of people's way, but I sincerely didn't care anymore. She could sleep in a box for all I cared at that point!
I never realized how daunting baby registries are.
I'm not sure when the "this is fun!" feeling transitioned into the "please get me out of here" mode, but it definitely came and I was SO over it.
We drove back home to Fayetteville that night feeling a sense of accomplishment for sure. Out of everything on my lists of lists, we got 95% scanned somewhere!
So thankful for online editing, cause it definitely happened during this last week!

Pops is pretty proud of himself
and piece of her furniture....

John had Columbus Day off, so while I was at work he drove to Fuquay-Varina to pick up the bedroom set for little girl we purchased.
We set it up this weekend and I LOVE it.
It works so well in her room and now with it in there I can go crazy with all the other details I've been pushing to the bottom of "to do" list not wanting to get too excited about just yet.
I'm going to personalize the furniture some, and we started out by going to go get some cute new knobs for the dresser to go with "her" rooms theme. Cause we all know babies really have an opinion about that.......

All these small but important pieces coming together gets me so excited. It makes all the back aches, getting up in the night every five minutes to pee, and my gut becoming a punching bag so worth it.

I just can't wait to see how it all turns out, may the fun begin!!

Sugar and Spice

Well it's been a LONG while since I last updated, and I'm sorry.
I have no good excuse!
John's been gone for over two months now, so no distraction there.
I was bogged down by overtime hours at work and house repairs for an appraisal, but as of recent, the OT has been cut down and the appraisal inspection is said and done.
Really it's just been making myself sit my butt down to do it.

SO, since last post I've swelled into a new stage of pregnancy that I LOVE.
Baby C has grown from an orange to the length of a banana and about 1 lb in weight.
I love my bump.
Never thought I'd say that, and I thank God daily I lost all that weight before I got pregnant, or I probably would not be saying that at all.
Nothing is more fun to me than going clothes shopping and finding something that accentuates the bump. I took away more than I thought working at Mimi Maternity in college, and am having perhaps too much fun buying more than necessary.

16 weeks thru 21 weeks. :)

Same day as my August Centering Meeting, I had my first experience of a consignment sale, and oh my--What an experience it was!
After work I met up with Steph and Katie, who are both on baby #2, at the expo center here in town to see what all the hype was about. Steph and Katie have braved these sales before but this was a whole new experience for me. I understood the concept, but just never experienced it from a baby theme perspective.
OMG, absolute pandemonium.
They allowed military wives "day before opening" access to the sale so we stood in line and eventually made our way into the warehouse and the madness began.

Since I still didn't know what I was having at the time, I took charge of Luke in his stroller and mulled around while Steph and Katie did their thing. I have never seen so many clothes in my life, lol. Because of my lack of research, I have no idea if there were good deals or not, but there seemed to be the way people were wheeling their carts around piled high of "stuff."
At one point I handed over the stroller and Luke and I went exploring (AKA: running!) some more and it was really interesting to see what people were getting rid of, what people were buying, etc. I ended up not buying anything, but gained in experience!

End of August proved to be eventful thanks to mother nature.
We/I experienced our first mini earthquake here in Fayetteville, and also stormed the rain and wind of Hurricane Irene.
There were mixed reviews of what the hurricane was going to mean to us here inland amongst everyone I talked too, but considering I had never even been near one in my entire life, I implored the expertise of my dad and Aunt Liz who have braved many in their years living in the Gulf Coast to be prepared just in case! I "survived" spending the day watching movies, being lazy with my fur balls, and scrapbooking. Thankfully all I found in damage was a shingle, and I'm not even sure it's from my house to be honest, so hooray.

Calm before the storm...."damage" from the storm.

Over Labor Day my fabulous mother and grandmother came to visit me! It was so great to see them and although I had seen them both in July, it felt like forever.
GG had never been to my "digs" here in Fayetteville, so it was really fun to show her around town and base. We made plans to hit the Outer Banks prior to their visit, but thanks to Irene, half the islands on the south end were still not accessible because of road washouts and some parts of the islands were ferry accessible only to it's residents, not tourists. We decided to still make the trip, not sure what to expect, but all the vendors I called said they were "definitely open" for the Labor Day weekend, so off we went!
We stayed the night in Elizabeth City, NC which is about an hour outside of Corolla, which was our first hit. So we hopped back into the car Sunday morning and drove to the NC/VA boarder of islands to Corolla where we did some shopping, eating, and jumped into our off-roading tour to go find the wild horses of the island.
History says the bloodline of these horses dates back to when the US was first being discovered, and it's believed that these horses are of Spanish decent and they run wild on the islands (in a designated preserve to protect them). The parts of Corolla we toured to find these horses has no roads, so everything is 4-wheel drive only and it was a blast. A lot of the roads were water damaged and in some cases still majorly flooded from the last weekends hurricane, but in the end that created opportunity for a more eventful ride!
It's not very often one can get your mom, your 85 year old g-ma, and your 5 month pregnant self to go off-roading looking for wild horses on a island. LOL. It was awesome.
After hours of searching, our awesome tour guide (about my bro's age, so 21-22ish) finally found us some wild ponies. It's so neat to see them in their environment. Many people live on this island and since it's on the horse preserve, the horses have free reign to walk around and eat wherever they please, including in people's yards in the middle of the road, wherever they really want. People just kinda drive around them. I guess they were here first technically!

After off-roading for about 4 hours we trekked as far south on the islands we were allowed to go to Kill Devil Hills/Kitty Hawk where we toured the Wrights Brother's Museum and where mom and I hiked up to the Wrights Bro's National Monument which is where their first recorded flights were tested. It had amazing views and was so neat to see.

After that we packed back into the car and drove back to Fayetteville, getting in pretty late.
We slept in the next morning and left GG to rest some more while mom and I went and did some shopping. Again, since we didn't know what Baby C was, there wasn't much actual shopping to be done, more of playing and teasing ourselves looking at baby stuff.
We later picked up GG and I took them both to Babies R Us which is an experience of itself!
Everyone swears the BRU here is horrible, but to those of us that have never stepped foot into one, we don't know the difference, so we had a blast pushing around strollers, looking at colors/themes, trying out gliders, etc. It was totally worth the trip, "bad" BRU or not...

That week Baby C officially met the "half way" mark at 20 weeks AKA: cantaloupe size. Friend from back in college says all these fruit comparisons is making her think of Baby C as a fruit salad and it's going to come out looking like the Chiquita Banana lady. :)
The awesome milestone with the 20 week mark is time to find out what Baby C is! On the 9th I took a sick day and spent half my day at Womack doing some tests then my 10 am appointment with radiology for "the" ultrasound.
I drank my billion ounces of water they told me to down, and went in ready to see my boy. I KNEW it was a boy. All dreams and thoughts and pictures I had in my head were with a little boy.
The tech I had was really sweet and after hopping up on the table and getting slathered in jelly we got down to business.
First the tech measured the head and was really thorough in explaining what was what....they measured each limb--shoulder to elbow, elbow to wrist...then hip bone to knee, knee to ankle. She zoomed in on the heart so close I could see the valves moving while passing blood in and out with each beat. It was SO fascinating.
I was amazed at how good Baby C was. It sat very still only occasionally moving it's arms around and crossing and uncrossing it's legs (shoulda been my first clue!) and at one point "watched" the pressure of the probe go back and forth above it's head.
So finally at the end, the tech goes, ok for a girl we are looking for three dots and for a boy we are looking for a little turtle.
So she probes along, I have no idea what she's looking at, but finally after some maneuvering the tech goes, "Well, from what I can see, those are three dots, so it looks like you are having a girl."
Wait......huh??
GIRL. I don't see any dots!.....Well shoot, I don't see a turtle either.
Dang.
The tech started printing out pictures and gave me a towel and pointed to the nearest bathroom.
I walked back into the appt room, the tech was gone at that point, and just stared at the string of pictures left on the table....a girl?? Holy cow. What am I going to do with a girl!?!?!?

I left the hospital, still in a bit of shock, and met up with Steph and Jenn at Olive Garden to pass time while anxiously waiting for John to call me on his lunch break to tell him our news. He finally called at the end of lunch and I told him we were having a little girl and he was ecstatic.
"I'm so excited I'm shaking!"
I was happy too, but still in process mode.....
I went home and started making calls to family members also anxiously awaiting our news.
I called my mom first and that's when I broke down and started crying.
I couldn't even get the word "girl" out before I was choking up and the tears flowed.
I told my mom I couldn't handle a little me the first time around and I didn't know what to do, and she replies, "Well, we had to do it."
Touche.
By the time I called my dad, brother, grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins, I started to get over the initial shock of it all and come to grips with the fact that I have a PERFECT baby girl growing inside me.
All 10 fingers all 10 toes...what's not to be happy about!?
I went out shopping later that day and throughout the weekend and my silver lining slowly faded away.
I HATE all the little girl stuff out there right now.
"Diva" this and "Princess" that and everything is drowning in glitter.
It was really disheartening and put me back down in the dumps.
I did manage to find one onsie I was ok with for John and her....It's pink, sigh, but it seems like anything non pink is not an option these days...
After John finished his work day and was able to call his family with our news, I finally posted our "gender" announcement on Facebook. Sorry baby girl, but everyone else thought you were going to be a boy too!

Later on in the week once the dust settled I was sitting in bed reading and I felt her moving around inside me. I instantly began to feel around my bump wanting to connect with "her," no longer an "it" anymore and it made my eyes tear up. How GREAT is this adventure going to be??? I was instantly reminded of something my mom told me when I was in the middle of my break down, "Katie sometimes God knows what's better for us than we do and I believe that babies are given to families that need them."
She was so right.
I need her. I need everything she is and everything she is going to teach me, and I can't WAIT.

This last weekend I finally went out on a venture to really get myself in a "Baby Girl" mindset. So far last week she's received more mail than John and I have including an awesome package from my cousin Ashleigh who I think I'm going to put on retainer to style this little girl for the rest of her life.
Can you say baby JEGGINGS?? How awesome is that!?!
So, in order to have our real true first mother daughter weekend we did what all moms and daughters do, we went shopping. :)
I drove out to the outlets about 40 minutes from Fay, and we stormed ALL the baby clothing stores (ok, I went to Yankee Candle for me) and I have to say she came out extremely well. A lot of the designer stores had their spring and summer baby clothes half off then an extra % off to move it out to make room for fall items, so I was ALL over it buying up in sizes for some awesome prices. After a milkshake and dinner at Steph's house I came home to admire our spoils and I think we did some awesome damage.

Luckily for us, her dad approved. :)
Poor guy, he has no idea what kind of trouble this little girl and I are going to be getting into together.