This Is Me

I live in a world that is not my own that I succumb to in many ways. I live by a code that leaves me to find joy in the small things in life. Not take advantage of anything. Love and learn from everyone I meet in my journey. And especially to learn what it means to be selfless in more ways I thought possible. I am a Army wife. It is what I do. I have a love hate relationship with what I do. But do I regret it? No way.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Ten

Ten.
Ten days.
Ten days until he is gone.

Man how the time has flown by.
This time last month I was counting down the days until pre-deployment leave and our trip to CO to see the fam.
It's all craziness!!
The last week of his leave was really just a smorgasbord of random things that were needing to be done prior to him leaving.
The beginning of his last week of leave he got a stomach bug that had been going around which made him out of commission for the first half of his last week of leave.
Along with buying guns, selling cars, etc. we also managed to go to a gun range again, and yes, I shot the revolver.
It was just as loud as I remember and I tell ya, it hurt my arm to shoot it!
According to John, the "kick" isn't bad at all.
In other words, I am a weak person.
I'm ok with that.
The first time I pulled the gun up, pointed at my target, and shot it, it scared me so bad I immediately dropped it back down on the table and jumped back from it like a hot potato.
The burning smell was gross and there was black residue all over my hands.
EW.
After the first shot sensation wore off, I was able to finish shooting all the rounds, unload the brass (I feel smart when I type all this), reload six rounds and fire them as well.
After that, I was spent.
At least I did it!!
I thought about having J take a picture of me shooting or of the target, but once I started shooting that was the last thing on my mind.

On Saturday, the 20th, I went to spin class.

I went to spin that day angry and needing to let some aggression out.
I've been holding in a lot of emotion about this deployment coming up because getting worked up over it won't solve anything.


I have been extremely inconsistent this month with spin and I feel horribly guilty inside.
I'm averaging about once a week right now which is BAD.
I have great excuses, like my husband was on leave, that's our version of vacation.
My husband is deploying for a year, I want to hang out with him, etc.
Really 45 minutes of being going won't kill me, I've just not made the best decisions.

While at spin, about 3-4 songs/15 minutes into it, I got really light headed all of the sudden.
Jumped off the bike and booked it to the locker room where I threw up.
Not cool.
I hadn't eating anything that day yet ( I know, I know) so really it was just water and spit, but I felt HORRIBLE.
I had a feeling I had caught the stomach bug J had the week before, so I just sat there on the cold tile floor in the locker room and had a little pity party.
While sitting on that floor I just cried.
I REALLY needed it, believe it or not.
It only lasted about 2 minutes.
I stood up, dusted myself off and went back into the spin room and finished the class, another thing that I think might not have been the greatest idea ever, but "A" for effort.

That afternoon is when we went to the range, then we ran home so I could get ready to go to Jeanette's Bridal/House Warming Shower I was helping host along with her mom and her two aunts.
I was still feeling REALLY blah, so I was pretty quiet during the whole thing.
Probably came across snotty, but I didn't feel good!
Even though I had thrown up earlier that day, the sushi her aunt made was calling me so I had to indulge.
The next day I felt much better. We ran errands and did some stuff around the house since this was now his last weekend of leave. By the time we went to bed that Sunday night, I felt so sick.
I felt like I had a billion butterflies in my stomach.
I woke up about 11 pm and it was on.
I was running to the bathroom about every half hour or so from 11pm until about 4am just throwing up anything and everything.
I can honestly say that I don't think I ever got this sick in college, so it's HAD to be a LONG time since it was this bad.
Like, high school!
I stayed home from work on Monday and can honestly say with no embarrassment what-so-ever that I laid on the couch and watched TV ALL day.
I wasn't throwing up anymore but had the part where you have chills but your sweating, your entire body hurts to the touch, etc.
Took a scalding hot shower and had goosebumps the entire time.
Went to bed before 9pm Monday night and woke up at 5am in attempts to go into work that morning. Didn't work.
Went back to bed for another 5 hours, giving me about 15 hours of sleep in a row.
Glorious.
From that point on, I've felt so much better.

The McNew's are coming today! They were our neighbors that moved to AZ several months ago. They are coming for a mini vaca and to see some old friends off before they deploy. They get in tonight sometime so it'll be a fun weekend for all of us.
It's also John's last weekend home, so it'll be bittersweet, but FUN!

Next Tuesday will be John's and my 2 year anniversary!
Fun times.
Don't have plans as of right now, and honestly I don't think we will since we'll be going out with friends a lot this weekend.

Man this is all coming up so freaking fast.
I'm hoping that this means that the next year will go by fast too.
I plan on working a lot.
Working out a lot.
Making several trips to keep myself occupied.
The ones planned so far is a trip to DC with my dearest, Kristen. :)
Then my cousin, Aaron's, college graduation from SNU in OKC.
More trips home for sure (that's for you all you CO people I miss so much!).
And of course Kristen and I are still contemplating a trip to the UK to visit Dana. :)

Some of you have voiced about coming to see ME and just so you know, that would be so amazing.
No words can describe how much it would mean to me for any of you to visit me out here!!
There's not much to do out here, but the beach is always close by and shoot, I live in a Army town.
There's always some type of trouble to get into. :)

The next time I write will probably be after John has left and this blog will finally be my venting station for which it was originally intended.....craziness....!!

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