Day #4

Well, he's gone.

Boo!

Despite more drama on the 2nd, from John's soldier I mentioned in a previous post, the deployment send off went off without a hitch and baby was born in the process!
Friday was spent with John's soldier and also getting last minute stuff together.
I dropped John off at his company area a little after 8am on Saturday, the 3rd, where he had to drop off his "luggage" and check his soldiers out of the barracks, etc.
From there I actually went to the Hendrixson's apartment to pick up Steve's mom and drop her off at Womack Army Hospital on post.
Steve and John are both SGT's in the 108th and Steven's wife, Stephanie was 1 week overdue that Friday with their first baby.
Since no one was really sure when the baby would come and whether Steve would have deployed then or not, his mom came down from Jersey to help.
After I dropped her off I went home and in all my nervousness, went on a cleaning spree through the entire house cleaning and organizing the most random things.
Green Ramp good-byes were at 2pm so I had to keep myself busy!
Little before 2pm I headed to Pope AFB/Green Ramp to spend the next couple hours saying last goodbyes and for the deployment ceremonies.

As I have stated before, this experience at Green Ramp sending him AWAY, was a first for me. Last deployment he left the same weekend I graduated college, so I wasn't there then. I was at Green Ramp when he came home this last deployment, but those were much happier thoughts than the ones happening there at that time to say the least.
I was actually/surprisingly calm and collected for the majority of it.
John and I had both been ignoring all the mushiness & emotion for weeks now, so at times we just sat there in silence, taking it all in.
Mom's/wives were crying.
Dad's were shaking their soldiers hands and giving them hugs.
Little kids/babies were everywhere.
People even brought their dogs...RANDOM!
Not all of it was solemn.
There was plenty of laughter and and children screaming as their dads/moms were chasing them around for the last time.
Pretty crazy to watch.

I didn't really get emotional until the ceremonies started and they were all in formation.
So many faces.
So many friends.
So many fun memories.
More to come for sure, but a dark cloud definitely came over as they stood at attention in front of us.

After the ceremonies we got one final hour-ish to say our final goodbyes.
Before John came back up to me I remained in my seat that I had during the ceremonies.
I looked over and one of John's female soldiers was just a couple seats down from me. She's not deploying because of a injury last deployment.
She waved and asked how I was doing.
I had my sunglasses on, disguising my watery eyes during that stinkin' ceremony.
I just smiled and said I was good.
She laughed and was like, "Yeah, you've been there done this before huh? You're an expert."
I just smiled and nodded.
Inside I was like, yeah, right.
I almost felt sick inside when she said that.
I am by no means an expert and am not sure I want to aspire to be one in this area!

Anyways, John and I hung out for about another hour and then he started having to run around and find random soldiers for random stuff before boarding the plane. I got tired of following him around like a lost puppy, so we figured it was time to have me go ahead and go.
Gave him a big hug and of course started crying a bit again.
John told me that he likes it when I cry.
Seriously? Cause I cry all the time about the most random things and he doesn't look like he's having a great time then!

We said our words, and that was that, and I just had to turn and walk away.

I got to my car and lost it.
I hated being there in that car alone.
It felt so dark in there.
I kinda lost control for a second and just started gasping and hyperventilating.
Finally talked myself into control and started the drive home telling myself out loud, "You are strong. You can do this."
Kinda pathetic I know, but it worked!!

By the  time I got home it was about a quarter to five and I honestly felt fine.
Their flight was supposed to take off a little after five so I decided that my "deployment routine" needed to start right then and now... so I started prepping a meal for myself and took an awesome long hot shower. LOL.
I watched Dexter for HOURS that night making a couple of random phone calls in between episodes.
Baby Luke had not yet made his appearance into this world, so I just hung out with my kiddos at the house.
That night when I went to bed I got the text message from Steph that she was going in for a C-section that night/morning. Exciting!
By the time I woke up Easter morning I had some picture messages on my phone of the little guy-Lucas Steven.
SUCH a cutie.

Went to church that morning by myself.
Very humbling, esp since it was Easter.
I couldn't sit still for anything.
My mind was all over the place and I couldn't concentrate anything that was going on.
Random times my eyes would tear up for no reason...

Sigh.
I remember all these feelings from last time. Ugh.
Went to Walmart afterwards. Got all my items, got in line, put my stuff up on the counter, and realized I didn't have my wallet.
Suck.
Ran back home, got the wallet, and finally got my stuff...

Went to Womack to see baby Luke, then made it back home to figure out what to do with myself for the rest of the evening.
I finished laundry, some of which was John's stuff.
I never put his clothes away, so I didn't know what to do with his stuff!
They are still in a neat pile on his dresser until I have time to go through his drawers and figure out where they go!

I was absolutely dying to go back to work on Monday.
I couldn't wait to get something to dive my brain into.

Hurley isn't adjusting very well.
When John is home, we'll tell him to "go to bed" and he'll beeline to his bed and cuddle into a little cute ball.
Well, this week he'll go to bed when I tell him to, but when I get into bed and turn out the light, he'll get out of bed and go into our living room. He'll sit in the entry way of the house facing the front door. I think he's thinking John's having some late nights and is going to be coming home late so he's waiting for him.... :(
Even when I am in the living room watching TV or something he'll lay down in the entry way by the door and just watch the door.
It's so sad, it breaks my heart.
I don't know if I can handle having REAL kids....sigh....
The cats are cool so far.
Bella could honestly care less anyways, and Jax will cuddle with anyone that will give him the time of day. So, so far, they are adjusting well.

I've gone back to spin full time and have hit it hard.
I've upped my warm up run to just shy of two miles in about 20 minutes.
Pretty proud.
On Monday I got a lot of aggression out in spin and I am STILL sore today from it....
IT's worth it though, right?! :)

Talked to John on Tuesday. He was in Kuwait.
So far so good.
Phone cut out a couple times but overall it was good.

It's hard to remember how all this works....