Sacrifice

I have such mixed emotions about the day of Sunday.
One of the first reasons that comes to mind is it's the last day of "freedom" before going back to work.
Secondly, John and I have started church "shopping" again, so our usual two day sleep-in slumber is now cut short to one. Not an unworthy sacrifice by any means but considering how busy our jobs keep us, it's become more cumbersome than I imagined.
Last week is when we began going again and we started this adventure starting with something safe by attending the Nazarene church here in town. Since last Sunday came up after a holiday not very many people were there. Thirty including us as a matter of fact. So we decided to go back and give it a fair shot because of that. I am glad we did. They have the traditional service and then their conservative one that we've gone to. The music is TERRIBLE, so we showed up late on purpose. Their usual senior pastor was there and he's a southern hoot. He's not your traditional Nazarene pastor where he sits there in a traditional stance and reads from the Word. He's extremely expressive and runs/jumps all over the stage with emphasis. I loved it.
His message really spoke to me and made me think a lot about what I am doing here in Fay and was a definite kick in the pants about my attitude.
As I am sure most churches touched on this week or last week, it was concerning New Year resolutions. He spoke about if you look up the formal synonyms for the word "resolution" that is gives very good similar verbage except the world "sacrifice." In order for it to be a resolution you are "scarificing" something in order to better yourself. Whether it be sleep, overtime, tv time, Facebook time....etc.
His first point with this concept is that we all need to sacrifice our attitudes towards each other. That was a kick to the stomach for me.
I have a horrible attitude.
Primarily because of where I physically am.
Attitudes are contagious.
And I'm extremely infected.
A little to my defense one has to consider where in the country I live. Even the pastor touched on that. Extremely humorous to me that a pastor would admit it's hard to have a positive attitude around what we see every day in this town. This was only one point out of several that the pastor made, but it's the one that stuck with me the most.

I live in a demographic where people choose not to work on purpose. They are constantly asking for handouts of EVERY kind.
Have babies to make money off the government. They are taking MY and YOUR money in other words.
Everyday I see pimped out cars (like seriously NICE cars!) driving through town and inside these automobiles are babies in just diapers. Sometimes not even in a car seat or with shoes. They'll sit in store parking lots and come up to you trying to sell you "hot" stuff. They use the kids as tools, saying "I'm trying to get some money to buy my baby shoes...." blah blah blah.....
The drivers/trafffic here are enough to make ANYONE go insane, don't even get me started on that one.
When I worked real estate here, I met a tenant that was 22 years old and was pregnant with her fourth kid. Never worked a day in her life. Was renting the house with her government assistance. Her grandfather was living with them as well so they were using his unemployment and disability to pay for their bills. No father of any kind to these kids in the picture.
I met another tenant one time that freely admitted he got hurt at work on purpose so he didn't have to work anymore. He just collects unemployment and "disability."
Had a prospective tenant come in and show that he made $4000 a month in retirement from the military. Each time he came in trying to get the rental home he'd leave his drink of choice disguised in it's paper bag outside our business door. He came in drunk beyond anything, he wreaked of everything you could name. When we denied his application (we felt he wouldn't take proper care of the house!!) he threatened to sue based off discriminiation since he was a  black man because he was retired military. Um, hello. I AM MILITARY!.......
On my drive from home to my job, I pass 16 strip clubs. I counted one time just out of curiosity. Each one boasting something exploitively better than the next. "Military allowed here" is the most common.

I am sure these examples seem extreme and unfair and it may seem I'm just picking the worst of the bunch that I have experienced, but I promise I am not. There are worse. Those are just the ones that jumped in my head first!

We are getting ready for John's next deployment and the precautions we are taking for me being here alone are not normal in my mind. We are collecting estimates to get our alarm system armed/activated. We are in the market to find me a gun, get me a concealed weapons permit, and get me out to some ranges to learn to use it. We are teaching Hurley to go at someone on demand. Who, besides paranoid people (LOL), do that?!!?

How can instances like any of the above NOT make someone  a lil cranky?? How am I supposed to find joy out of any of this? How am I to be positive? Positive attitude about WHAT?

Then there is the attitude that is portrayed to ME because I am military. Anyone that is NOT military in this town has a chip on their shoulder about the military unless they are collecting from their business somehow. They think we are always looking for handouts, that we are people with money and that we think we are owed something. I get it all the time.

How am I supposed to be happy? How can I have a positive outlook on any of this?? It's no wonder I haven't found friends here. This place has made me defensive. More walls than I have ever had before in my life.
A recluse.
Sometimes prejudice and discriminatory.
I don't WANT to get to know anyone.

But then. Here I am alone and hating it. What gives?

So the pastor's answer: A great resolution/sacrifice for all of us to make would be that in 2010 we will be a person of praise, not a person of complaint.

Ugh. I'm working on it.