Desperate Husbands

Hello All!!

It's going to be a short one right now just because the night is almost over and I still have some stuff to do before the week day. I wouldn't be in such a tizzy if I hadn't dug myself a little of a hole.
A co-worker asked me to make a cake for work for another co-worker's birthday last week. Well, I agreed and wrote it in my planner and honestly never thought about it ever again.
I came to work on Friday. Saw it was her birthday and it still didn't even occur to me that something was not quite right. I wasn't until our first "break" of the day that it hit me all of the sudden and I felt HORRIBLE!! She sits right behind me for goodness sakes.
So in between apologizing throughout the rest of the day she told me just to make one for Monday and to make it gluten free, so Jeanette, could eat it too.
Jeannette, I refered to in some previous posts, is the girl that trained me when I started at MJ Soffe and we've quickly become friends. She has a gluten and soy intolerance and in observing her "diet" I have taken some of her healthy habits as challenges.
SO, I got some feedback and tips from her and set out this weekend to make a chocolate gluten free cake with gluten free chocolate icing.
Opposed to a "normal" cake this cake couldn't have flour, specifically canola oil, and true vanilla extract for example.
The icing is of the same type of true ingredients and it turned out TERRIBLE!! I've been on the phone and online with Jeannette all night in a panic trying to figure out what to do.
The cake tasted great.
John's comment, "Well, it SMELLS normal...." definately was encouraging!
Honestly the icing wasn't BAD, but it wasn't GOOD either.
So with Jeanette's help I made a cream cheese based icing that I placed on TOP of the chocolate icing.
I'm crossing my fingers and calling it good enough for a Sunday night.

Thanks to Jeanette's example and doing some extensive research, I have taken the next step in changing my food diet. So here you go, Katie N., you lead me into my next step of healthy habits.
John has been out in the field most of the time this month and is fortunately able to come home on the weekends. So when it's come to meal planning it's really just planning for me.
This weekend grocery shopping consisted of lots of greens and other veggies, almonds, yogurts, fish, 100 calorie snack packs, etc.
I wrote out a weeks worth of meals for myself which includes breakfast, snacks, lunch, and dinner and shopped accordingly.
Kind of what Katie N, wrote for her comments on my last post, for me it will be about feeling satisfied. Not hungry and not full. Prob eating about every two hours or so, watching portions of course and drinking tons of water. I also take a multi vitamin and started about a month or so ago taking fish oil/omega 3 softgels which is for heart health.
I actually started taking them because my mom told me how her doctor made a comment that they were a natural anti depressant.
I never talk about this much cause it's not something I like to bring attention to, but when John deployed I was on anti depressant medication for the first time ever. I always felt like I was a strong enough person to not let my emotions get the best of me. But for the first couple months of his 15 month deployment, the pure mention of his name would make me tear up for no reason. Of course living back home and being surrounded by awesome family and friends, I was asked about him often so I went to my doctor and took a test and tested positive for mild/moderate depression. I started taking Lexapro and stayed on it even a couple months after John got home.
I honestly stayed on it because of how horrible my job was at the time. I would come home everyday almost in tears and just hating everything. I can honestly credit that to my weight gain to some degree. Treating myself is what made me feel good! And treats for me was desserts at dinner and no portion control at all.
Needless to say I worked myself off the drug and the withdrawl was horrible. I'd randomly blank out and have horrible dizzy spells, but it was worth it and I'm glad I'm not on it anymore. I am hoping that since I have found some new personal focuses that I won't have to go that route again when he leaves soon. I appreciate modern medicene and what it can do, but I like to stay as pill free as possible. It really did help at the time but the withdrawl was just really uncool, so my goal is to not go there!

I am soda free for about three weeks now. The sugar free sweet iced tea isn't working for me. Where I used to drink a ton of sweet iced tea, now thanks to this sugar free version I don't reach for it at all. I haven't bought anything else to substitute it leaving me with lots of water. It's not as much as I know you are "supposed" to drink, but I'm working on it.
This last Saturday at spin we had a different instructor since our usual instructor is stil doing her bootcamp. This instructor focuses on more sets of jumps, etc. So DURING the class I was breezing through it thinking I was such a rockstar until this Sunday morning when I woke up and could barely get out of bed. John says that's good for me, but I wasn't expecting to have this issue, so of course I disagree!

Work has been going well and Jeannette and I are training a new girl tomorrow. I have never trained anyone and Jeanette's only trained me. So this will be interesting, poor girl.
On the upside, Jeanette and I snagged on of the Fall 2010 catalogs at work and found some of our designs were published! Hooray! So awesome to see! I'l have been there 6 months on Feb 3rd, and I can honestly say since I made the move there, I have never felt so optimistic since I moved here. What a blessing.

So today, Jeanette went to Manna (church) with John and I. Her husband, Pete, left for Haiti on Monday, so she's "by herself" (her fam lives close by) right now. Church came up at work and I casually invited her to come after she expressed an interest in finding a church to go to. Since John and I are in the same journey I told her she should check it out with us. Funny enough the sermon for the marriage series was entitled "Desperate Husbands," so it was kind of a weird start, but we all really enjoyed it.

The main thing I got out of it is to not turn your spouses responsabilities into your personal right.
Rights: "You owe me this." Focus is on getting for yourself.
Responsabilities: "This is my part." Focuses on giving.

The biggest thing that rang true for me through today was that we typically give what we really would like to get. I can see that in my everyday habits!!
I'll do small things around the house that no one would notice or appreciate but John, but in the back of my head, although I like to make him happy, my subconscious intention is to get it reciprocated to me. As soon as the pastor touched on that I immediately related to it. Always thought it was doing unto others as you would like them to do to you....right?

It was a really interesting concept and I am anxious to see what next Sunday brings.
"Desperate Housewives." :)

Well John is off packing for the field and I need to get ready myself, so that's all for now!

Before I run off I just want to thank all of you for your encouragement through this journey of mine. It's so nice to have people to relate too even if none of them are in physical visiting range! Hooray for technology right!!??