I'm sure most of the mommies out there can relate, but it seems like it flew by but yet seemed to crawl at the same time...now looking back at the post I wrote at her 6 week mark, things still feel the same as far as that is concerned!
Looking back as a whole, however, things are SO dramatically different.
There are days where I still want to bang my head against the wall...apparently that's normal and won't really end any time soon, so I've accepted that as part of my new normal.
Nowadays, there are moments, dare I say hours where things are awesome.
She's good. I'm good. John's good. The animals are good. GG is (still) good.
We are all good, and that's been the most amazing change to see.
Before I go into my month's worth of new mommy drama, yes, GG is still here and no I have no shame, I think it's fantastic.
I think she's totally tired of John and I, but never of that baby.
She's been such a great sport as John and I have slowly edged her out of the monster newborn mess she walked into and now taking a back seat while we "drive" our daily routine so we can master it on our own day by day.
So yeah, she's been here over a month, and on her ninth book.
That's how she's measured her time here, and she's quite proud of that.
We've visited the library twice because needless to say, we don't have common tastes, but I'm ok with that because she's been my security blanket this past month as I grow more and more confident in my new role as a mommy.
As we've slowly taken back control of...well, everything, GG's role has changed to cleaning for the most part which in itself is just as valuable!
I'm back to cooking for us full time, but she'll clean up after me, stay with Bryn in the car if I want to run a quick errand without breaking out the stroller or waking her to put in her in a sling, and she's also become the house laundry queen.
Man, I'm spoiled and am in for a harsh reality when she's gone.
She's been able to keep up with her OKC Thunder games while being here and watches March Madness every night.
I think she knows how to work my TV better than I do at this point.
I love this woman.
We have gotten to know each other in a whole new light since she came.
I have learned more things about her, my grandpa, my aunts (I got the full story of how one of my aunts was conceived, that was a treat! LOL.) our family, our ranches past and present, just everything in general has been so awesome to chat to her about.
It's amazing how something like childbirth really opens up a whole new line of communication with other women in your life, it's like you are in a club that gives you a free pass to talk about the most hilarious, awkward, and strange things with no judgement. This has come true with not only my friends and my mom, but with my aunts and grandma too. I just think that's so neat.
So, onto the juicy stuff.....
Two Month Check Up Stats:
....are pending the two month check up. Scheduled April 2nd, so I'll be back with this...all I know is she has definitely gained weight and grown in height. She is partially hanging off the Breast Friend pillow we use for nursing and, well, she feels huge. She's probably not, but we all comment daily about how she seems to get heavier and heavier.
While looking through pictures on the computer the other day GG commented that she's looking a little "husky." I take that as a complement.
Last time she was weighed at the docs was for her two week appointment and she was 7.15 lbs.
At our first lactation consultant weigh in she was 4.5 weeks old and weighed in at 8.7 lbs.
After our two day booby binge to help her gain more weight, she weighed in at 8.15 lbs and that's the last number I have.
I can't wait to see what it is now. :)
She's in a size 1 diaper but we've bought size 2's and will probably start them by the end of the week.
She's completely out of her newborn clothes, has outgrown some of her 0-3 month depending on the brand, and 3 month sizes fit with a good couple weeks of growing room for sure.
Baby Observations Month #2:
*Baby acne came and went as fast as it came, TYL.
*We have more smiles than cries these days and that alone is one of our biggest winning moments to date. Even better perk is that I don't have to do something obnoxious to get these smiles, they are freely given making them the BEST.
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| So many smiles! Little gal just can't be tamed, LOL. |
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| LOVES her daddy. |
*Not only are there a plethora of smiles, but we are more recently getting shouts, coos, and she's adopted the new communication noise of what sounds like someone dragging out the letter "K"....almost like a gurgle??
John and I think it's the most precious thing ever and so we speak her language with her often and she seems to think it's pretty awesome we speak the same code by greeting it with more smiles and some pretty intense stares as we "Kkkkkkkkk...." to each other. Helicopter lips have also become a new fave.
*Bryn loves her daddy and has the calmest disposition around him. She has her calmness with me too, but it's a totally different kind and I like that we have our own ways with her and she has her own ways with us.*Tummy time is no longer a baby torture method in her eyes, it's actually our preferred activity during wake time. YAY!
*The back of our head is starting to thin out a tad, BUT the rest of her hair is filling in more and more everyday. The more she gets the darker it seems to be....still straight so far, but hoping for maybe a slight curl like mommy....(a girl can hope, I'm currently batting a zero as far as mommy physical traits....).
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| I think this is precious. :) |
*The 'diva' status has not changed in the least.
*We've graduated from primarily taking naps being held or in the swing to 100% in her bed.
*We have a once a day fussy time which is usually between her second to last and last feedings (between 7:30-10 pm) of the 24 hour day. This is usually the only time that we've had to hold her to sleep because she just won't sleep at all otherwise. The other night was my first time beating it, and it took some major work, so it's still something we're working on.
*We've grown a double chin and several leg rolls which is something we are all really proud of.
*After all those visits with the lactation consultant, we've really nailed down our nursing routine and both baby and mommy are way happier for very different reasons. :) We've gradually gone down on our feeding times starting off the month going for about 30-40 minutes total depending on how long I let her pacify (learned later this was a no-no during the day, oops!) and ending the month going for about 15-20 minutes total. It's allowed for better naps since she's not pacifying for long after feeding and the wake time is priceless.
*We've also nailed down a 2.5 hour routine for during the day. We had originally tried a 3 hour routine, but I was always one step behind her and there was more crying because of that...changing our routine by that half hour made a world of difference and now I'm beating her to her needs instead of vice versa. Finally in the drivers seat, yay!
*On her two month birthday she made it the closest to sleeping through the night to date, sleeping until about 5:15 am (wake up time is at 7 am)...SO close. Just thankful that the babe can put herself back to sleep til her morning wake up time after a feeding.
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| The scar, boo. :( |
*We've got a roller!! Enough said with the video....
....yes, this baby is rolling.
It happened first on the Boppy pillow so we kind of discounted it since she was propped up.
Then one night John was "conducting" her wake time and started hollering that she was rolling over...I won't lie, I totally didn't believe him and thought maybe he didn't understand what that really meant for a baby, so I eventually came out to watch and sure enough, our little bug was rolling from her tummy to back. She can only do it in the one direction (maybe she'll be right handed like me!! 1 point for mommy) and she can't go back onto her belly obviously, but we thought this was just so neat. She's done it several times more since the video without the Boppy and without help, so we're accepting it as legit and not a fluke.
*We are now a kicking and swatting champ, especially when we are on the play mat during wake time.She hasn't connected the hitting with the jingling sound of the toys, but when she was a "new" newborn she couldn't even reach them, so this has been very epically exciting for us.
With that this girl has got a death grip like nothing I have ever seen.
I have lost hair because of it.
This fist has become our most sought after form of pacifier besides a boob, and I am very conflicted about this, going back and forth on whether this is habit I'm ok with instead of a pacifier...some of it's not really up to me. Majority of the time she won't take a pacifier, so fist it is!
Ok, onto more juicy stuff....
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| GG with her first great grand. :) |
I truly needed the space and she was willing to sit there, for hours at times, holding the babe while I disappeared doing whatever I needed to do. It wasn't until about three weeks into GG's visit that I decided enough was enough, she can't be held to sleep all the time, it's time for change, structure, and unfortunately for GG, time for me to step up and her to step back.
I don't feel bad at all for pawning the babe off to her in that time.
Honestly, that's why she came.
My mom told her, before she came, to "take care of my baby so she can take care of hers."
Well, taking care of me in the beginning, was taking care of the baby.
This is her first great-grand, so she was more than willing to accept the task.
I used this time to unwind, continue to heal, help John heal from his surgery, to sleep, to sit...to do whatever I needed to do.
Once I started implementing a structured day back into our lives, it forced GG out of the picture some.
She wasn't holding/rocking her to sleep for her naps, she wasn't allowed to use the pacifier for anything anymore unless the time was absolutely dire, which rarely happens.
At first I think it hurt her feelings, mainly because she went from having hours and hours of one on one time with Brynlee to virtually none overnight.
But, John and I knew her time here was limited and that we had to implement structure while we had the help or I was going to be right back in the hole I was in when she first came.
Although she's virtually out of the picture during nap times, she participates as much as possible during wake times helping me with burping, excited talking, wake time activity set ups, etc...I'm going to miss this help so much.
Part of me milks it for all it's worth with no shame, then the other part of me has started to shy away because I know her time is limited and she'll be headed home soon....
I'm so glad she's been here, not only for John and I, but for Bryn too.
She'll be too young to ever remember these times, but I know us three adults will never forget the impact it's had on us in different ways.
So blessed to have her here, and so blessed to share so many baby firsts with her. We'll miss you GG!
Other confessions....
*We are still working out our daily routine and schedule, but we're about 50/50 with her falling asleep on her own in her bed-WIN.
*If fighting sleep in her bed during nap time, we've occasionally allowed a pacifier, if she'll take it, or we'll shush/jiggle (the Dr. Karp jiggle, come on now!) her to sleep, but all while still in her bed and only as an absolute last resort.
*I hog tie that baby down to her bed. No joke. Well, maybe not hog tie, but we've adapted a new way of keeping her still in her sleep to help her sleep longer. Don't judge us just yet, I promise it's humane. There'd be times in the night or especially during naps where she'd be asleep but while moving around her legs would shoot up into the air, almost at a ninety degree angle and it'd not only wake her up 99% of the time but it'd almost make her roll over since she was in her SwaddlePod/Sack. SO, I took one of her stretchy thermal swaddling blankets she grew out of and we started strapping her legs down to her bed like in the pic....I know this looks ridiculous, but to my defense this is a true desperation act on my part to ensure a good nap/sleep time--and it works! Now that she's getting more capable and successful of lulling herself back to sleep on her own we'll probably start taking it away here soon, but until then, the girl is hog tied down whenever she's in her bed, and from what we can tell not only does it work, but the girl doesn't seem to mind. :)*We seem to have a spitting up problem. I'm not sure if we just aren't burping her long enough, holding her up right after a feeding long enough....Not sure. After a feeding she's burped for a long while then we go into wake time, usually on the floor on her belly or back...sometimes there's nothing, but then sometimes I swear that everything she just ate came up...She doesn't spit up all the time, but it's more of the majority than the minority. Something I'm going to talk to her ped about at her two month check up.
I can't wait to see what new things she'll be doing during this next month...the progress is probably the biggest reward we've gotten to date and we just thrive in those moments of wake time with her and getting all this little lovin'.
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| This is the first outfit I bought when we found out we were having a girl. :) |
Ok, change of pace....
Here are some personal observations and confessions of myself in the last month:
*I am healed up for the most part and had my post partum check up close to the 8 week mark. I had a slight set back to the healing process when they discovered, at that appointment, that I had over healed and had to "correct" that issue along with an infection that had incurred because of the over healing. I know it's probably TMI, but now a week later, after taking antibiotics for the infection and re-healing from correcting the over healing, I feel back on track and like things are back to normal "down there."
*I am much more rested, now that we've implemented a schedule and routine into our lives. It's been an absolute godsend and I'm so thankful not only to John for implementing it with me and supporting me through it but also for my friends near and far that have encouraged me/us while we've been figuring things out. You guys are awesome and my rock!
*I am much more happy since implementing a schedule and routine. I know this may not be a shocker to most of you that really know me and know how important structure and routine are to me, but hey, it took me a while to find one that worked for all of us. Now that we have, I am no longer a zombie by day and night. I get things done around the house. I have free/down time. I get excited when I see my baby waking up instead of my heart sinking....just to name a few. Just know things are definitely headed in a positive direction overall.
*My coworkers would absolutely have a fit of laughter at me when I say that being in bed before 11 pm every night is now considered awesome as opposed to my pre baby 8:30 pm bed time I always had. But it's true, I will no longer turn into a pumpkin if I'm not in bed before 9 pm.
Confessions......
*First and foremost, I have had a hard time adapting to this mom life just in general, that's no secret. Since Bryn was born, thanks to John's surgery, he only worked 4 days out of her first month of life. Since he's been back at work, I've had GG here to help me while I pick myself back up on my feet.
One of the largest issues I've had in this transition is the feeling of abandonment when he went back to work. I got extremely angry at him, feeling like he was leaving me alone to fend for myself with our "hellion on wheels", while he went off to play with his friends and puppies at work.
I know that's not really how his work is, but for some reason that's how it was in my mind.
"While you are off playing I'm stuck here at home dealing with your crazy kid...." is pretty much how it went.
It took me a while to calm down and realize I wasn't stuck, I was privileged, and that it wasn't the end of the world, however, I miss my old life terribly.
I miss work, I miss my friends, I miss my freedom the most.
I miss being able to go do whatever in the world I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it with not real responsibility otherwise.....I still struggle with this when I want to "run real quick" to Target or something...now there's no such thing and I hate it.
When GG leaves I'm going to hate it even more. She's stayed in the car with the sleeping babe while I run into stores real quick, so I'm in for a real reality check in a few days.
I've been able to wear Bryn in a sling in some outings and she's done just fine, but I just don't have the confidence to know that I know what to do if she started wigging out in public.
*I never realized what the moms at my work meant when they said that work was their release, it was their break. I totally get it now. Doesn't mean we don't love our kids more or less than those mom's that can't imagine being away from their children, I just realized I'm not one of those mom's....
*I have yet to style my hair beyond a ponytail and I have put on a full face of make up 3 times since Bryn's birth, with a couple partial days here in there if I absolutely have too. Yesterday being one of them. I had an award's ceremony to go to for John's work so he stayed at home with her while I wore "real" clothes and put on full make up to go and enjoy myself for a couple hours. It was really nice to be able to go out, but when I sat down to do her feeding right before I left, I walked up to her as John was playing with her, and she immediately started crying.
Apparently mommy with make up and not in sweats is just too weird since she hasn't seen it much.
*I went to a session at the Social Work office at the hospital to talk about my post partum feelings and made John go with me. It was actually a decent experience and I set up a time to come once a week to meet with a counselor. I went for my second meeting and they didn't have me on the schedule and the counselor wasn't there. I was really mad about this. Do they not know how much of an effort it is for me to not only get myself ready but get Bryn ready and out too? We waited for about 20 minutes before I finally left and I haven't gone back since.
Now, in retrospect I probably should have followed up to see what the issue was and tried again. I didn't just show up cause I had nothing else to do, I had an appointment whether it was in their computer or not. I have enlisted the help of my fellow Army girlfriends in lieu of Social Work and I'm really glad I've allowed them into my life pandemonium.
I am blessed that they don't judge, they support, they listen, they talk, they suggest, they offer, they are on call, they are just available in general whether it's a Facebook chat or a quick text here or there and I'm so grateful for all of them near and far.
*Baby acne may have come and gone, but mommy acne isn't so nice. I am assuming it's my hormones getting back to "normal" but it's felt like puberty all over again, and needless to say puberty wasn't nice to me then and it's sure not nice to me now. My skin was fine give or take a few break outs during pregnancy, but since birth I've been miserable. What's worse is my light colored skin that makes everything look more red and miserable than it really is...I think it's winding down for the most part, but time will tell. Just ready for my hormones to level out to whatever that may be....
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| 8 weeks post partum. Rome wasn't built in a day. ;-) |
Then at the end I blew up...honestly, a lot of it was baby, but some of it was me. :) I lost all motivation of healthy eating at the end, however I still stayed away from soda and coffee. I hadn't gone to the gym past my 7 month because anything I wanted to do, I physically couldn't. I also started to swell at the end and I could really see it in my face and also my ankles and feet. I was really glad after labor plus a few days that all of this went away.....cankles are never something to be happy about, pregnant or not.
By Bryn's two day appointment I had only lost 15 pounds...I was really disappointed in this! I felt like I had unloaded at least 20 if not more! I actually was really surprised how pregnant I still looked when I left the hospital. I am not sure what my real expectations were of that, but I just remember it surprised me.
Here at 2 months post partum I'm weighing in at 135-136 and I can feel myself losing more, especially now that we have such a great schedule.
I'm not sure what my expectations are for my post partum body. I had just lost 40 pounds before I got pregnant while John was deployed and was finally fitting into size two's.
IDK if trying for that is a feasible goal, but it's not totally out of my mind. If I can get under 130 lbs, I think I'll be ok with that.
In ending, John's deployment is still on the horizon, however we don't have a firm date yet.
We were given the date range of June-August-ish...after his three weeks of recovery he was put on 30 day light duty where he still can't train or certify with his dog.
No training + no certification= non deployable.
Once those thirty days are up I'm not sure if they are going to expect him to jump in with both feet--train, certify, and be ready to deploy at the drop of a hat....it very well could be that way.
In the mean time we're just taking it a day at a time and enjoying our time as a family of three as much as we can, kind of naively ignoring what's coming ahead for the time being.
We'll face it soon enough, so we're in no real hurry.
It's inevitable, it's just a matter of when.....until then....happy and growing times for all.
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