A time to live...

So, in case you missed it, I'm pregnant.
When John decided to reenlist in the Army, again, we agreed our future was secure enough, Brynlee was getting older esp when you add nine months gestation, and well...we weren't really getting younger either, so despite the big move pretty much camped out in our backyard, we decided when we got to Europe we'd purposely try once we were there and settled.
I got off the pill while he was in ALC in Missouri thinking between then and our move would be plenty of time to get out of my system and honestly didn't give any of it another thought.

Months went by.
It wasn't until literally two weeks before the packers/movers were scheduled to come pack up our house that one of my Bragg girls I've known virtually my whole time there, called me out asking if I could be pregnant.
I thought it was possible I could be late, but maybe only by a few days.
However, I had so much going on at the time with the move and family I didn't even consider already being pregnant because of all the "sets" of distraction.
I brushed it off, but Steph kept asking me about it (I swear she really knew all along, haha) to the point where I finally went to my calendar to investigate.

Sure enough I was late....
Weeks late, albeit months late and had absolutely no clue.
Woman/mom of the year, right here.
Considering how late I was, there was no other explanation in my opinion, so the next day I went out and bought a pair of tests.
On August 4th, during B's nap time, when John happened to be working from home, I took the test and it immediately came up positive.
I brought it out and showed him and pretty sure that little pee stick could have knocked him flat on his face if he had been standing.
He was in such shock he didn't say a word to me.
He laid down on the couch, staring at the ceiling, muttering Lord knows what....for about an hour til B woke up.
I took the second test the next morning and sent John a pic of the "YES +" test results.
When he came home that night he admitted he was truly very happy and excited it just totally blindsided him, happening so quickly, and with everything going on, couldn't help but think how complicated this made everything concerning our move.
Hmmmm, well, your welcome? ;)

Fortunately for me, I already had an appointment to get my women's wellness exam, so they ordered a blood test and were able to confirm I was indeed pregnant.
It seems the day it was confirmed via the doctor, the nausea set in.
This is something I never experienced with B in any way, so oh my goodness, what a kick in the gut.
Quite literally.
This also included motion sickness riding in the car.
All day, all night, I could never find the happy medium between eating enough and not overeating to the point of sickness. There were days when I needed to be sorting, packing, cleaning and all I managed to do was to keep my food down by laying on the couch with B all day surviving solely off ramen, ritz and sprite.
The week before we left Bragg, I managed to get in to the doctor one more time.
I couldn't imagine, feeling the way I did, driving, flying, dealing with all I had to deal with, without some medical intervention.
People that know me, know I'm not a big doc person-at all.
Well, I camped out on the phone begging the scheduling people on base to get me in to anyone that could possibly help me before I left in a few days.

The day I found out!
No idea how many weeks.
Sigh.....

I finally got in and was given B12 and Unisom to get me through until I could see a "real" doctor in Europe. I also got "the memo"stating I was medically insured and positively pregnant in case I needed it during national and international travels.

The one thing these doc visits didn't do was tell me how far along I was and that was something I would actually not figure out for at least another month later once we got to Europe.

So, now what.....? Well, tell the family of course!
Unlike with Brynlee, we were heading home to Colorado, so we decided to keep the news to ourselves so we could tell everyone in person-except for two special people.
Before I even got the blood test to confirm, I sat down and finally sent an email, I had rewritten over and over, to my Aunt Karla and Uncle Rick sharing with them some personal thoughts and also telling them the news.
My Uncle Rick had been battling cancer for two years at that point, I knew his time was precious and I wanted him to know, just in case.
My Uncle Rick Buchanan passed away in his home ten days later.

TBD...

Looking back through this blog over time I've realized that the constant theme of my military wife life is "this is what is happening, this is what's supposed to happen," and then "this is what has really happened."

Repeat. 

Over and over and over.

Needless to say, it's not the easiest thing ever but man, I'm NEVER bored. 

There are typical challenges enough of being a wife and stay at home mom, but adding our true "mistress" of the military to our home always adds drama and sacrifice, yet sometimes true glory that everyone gets to enjoy and relish in. 

Since my last post in May I've been totally MIA but not without purpose or reason.

If we are friends on Facebook then you are fully aware of the chaos that has ensued us thanks to our "mistress," but oh, how I have longed for the opportunity to hop on here and type out what is more to our story than Brynlee'isms and random photos of here and there. 

Once we got our household goods (which was a miracle in of itself!) it was seriously one of my number one missions to find my little personal desk slip of all my crazy passwords to everything, including the password to here, that somehow I don't have memorized, and get to writing out everything that's flooded through my mind and mouth since then. 

Since May, we've experienced death and new life.

Change for the good and change unexpected with a "yet to be determined" outcome. 

What was once a secure path delved into uncertainty.

Pretty much nothing is ever what it seems, no day is certain, and things don't always end up the way you think they should or would.

So with that caveat, be prepared for me to send you on a Facebook/blog post overload.

I've given myself until the end of the year to get completely caught up with our 2014 years adventures and start fresh and clean for 2015 with all that is to come.

I don't feel like my/our life is that interesting to need to share everything, but honestly I can't tell you how many times I've looked back on this blog to see how far I/we have come and what we've pushed through, so it's mostly for me and also for my family that I don't get to talk to as often as I'd like!

I appreciate those of you that willingly join and support me and our family on our journey. 

We love you all and have never really been able to find the words for find a way to express how much we appreciate all your love and support. 

Hopefully we do you all proud. :)

May Madness

The month of May was probably the craziest month we've had since moving back to NC.

John had been slotted for a six week class in Missouri since he got home from the deployment, beginning the first of May through June.

Since we got orders to move to Germany I've had the itch to visit friends and family I haven't seen in a while. It'd always be nice if John could do this too, but unfortunately most of this kind of stuff I get to do solo.

So considering John had this class I decided to kill two birds with one stone by passing time while he's away and to go see a lot of people I probably won't see again before we move.

Brynlee and Ellie
in Charlotte, NC.

Brynlee and I hit the "air" for a month long "across America" tour-going to Colorado, Oklahoma, Mississippi, and Florida--and several states in between--with bounces back and forth to North Carolina in between as well.

Brynlee and I headed to Charlotte the beginning of May and stayed with the ever so gracious, Albaeck family, who recently added beautiful baby #5, Ellie to their brood!

Needless to say it was a full house but Brynlee just LOVED having older kids around to play with and she enjoyed being the new toy in the house.

We flew from Charlotte, through Texas, to Colorado first, where Nana and GG were there to greet us. We spent our time in CO with lots of grandparent time (all of them!) while I got some childless dates (sigh, so amazing), a zoo trip with loads of friends and family (17 of us at one point?!), got to hangout with my college roommate Dana and her family, breakfast with Pastor Ed, walks to GG's house like old times, as well as cousin play dates galore.

With Grandma at the zoo
in Colorado Springs, CO.

I'm going to pause here to just announce I'm a blessed woman.

My family and friends are just so supportive and awesome when we're there in CO and when we're away, many of you took time out of your work week to hang out with us and make time for Brynlee and I, and I appreciate it SO much.

Besides having the down time to travel I purposely made the trek to Oklahoma for a multitude of reasons. Our church had recently done a sermon series on "junk" which could be interpreted into lots of things, but the main part that stuck to me, and was the emphasis of my trip to OK, was the concept of carrying other people's junk when you really don't have a reason too or don't have too.

Sarah and Harrison Struck,
OKC, OK.

There are members of my dad's family I've chosen not to go out of my way to talk too because of family drama that actually happened before I was even born or thought of and I let other people's opinions and feelings get in the way of what could be at least random conversational types of relationship with these family members.

So not only did I get to attend my cousin's graduation from OU but also made the trip up to Stillwater to take Brynlee to meet her great grandpa, Richard O'Cain Sr. 

But before I get into that I have to brag that while in Oklahoma I also met up with some college friends which included finally got to meet Sarah and Bryan's sweet little man Harrison Struck!!

OMG, so precious!

Congrats Dr. Aaron Buchanan, D.D.S and family!

My blessings of friendship stretch as far as professors that I now get to call some of my best friends, one of which is Marcia Feisal.

Brynlee and I met up with Marcia for lunch and  voluntarily offered to watch Brynlee for me while I went to Aaron's graduation. Marcia is now retired from teaching and is a stay at home grandma to her sweet grand babies, so Brynlee struck the babysitter jackpot while I got to go to the OU graduation.

Getting to attend such a special graduation was such an honor to witness. 

The Buchanan family has been through so much these last two years when my Uncle Rick was diagnosed with cancer and their family has been fighting this disease as an uphill battle the entire way. This graduation felt like such a ray of sunshine in what's seemed like some really dark cloudy times, so I was just ecstatic to be there and be a part of it. 

In case any of you had NO idea, my family is obsessed with picture taking, haha, especially my Aunt Karla. She rarely gets to actually be IN the pictures and of all the events, this is one she needed to watch for real, not through a lens, so I was really glad to be able to take that load off of her, without Brynlee's help, and take photos of everyone during and after the ceremony! 

Braum's!

Getting to go to the graduation and actually enjoy it and participate in it was a huge blessing for me, thanks Marcia!

After the robes were placed and pictures snapped, I raced back to pick up princess Brynlee from Marcia's where we then went to the post graduation dinner and the celebration continued along with Brynlee hamming up the room making friends with everyone.

Brynlee meeting
Richard O'Cain Sr.,
Stillwater, OK

I also got to spend time with one of the strongest mommies I know, the lovely Vicki, and her daughter London who helped me show Brynlee around the SNU campus and also for her first Braum's experience.

It's so fun to be back around in Oklahoma with my college friends and all our babies, nothing sweeter!

Our last day in OK, I loaded B up in the car and drove to Stillwater, OK.

My brother and I are the only "blood" O'Cain grandchildren, meaning Brynlee is his only "blood" great grand baby so getting to share that first with him and his family was a really cool and unique experience and I'm so glad I went!

Grave marker of Katherine Wright Hunt. 

 After going back to NC for a few days, B and I flew out of Charlotte again heading this time to the true south of the Gulf Coast of Mississippi where my parents joined us as well.

My dad is originally from Pascagoula, MS where my aunt Liz still lives to this day and was the only family member left that hadn't met Brynlee yet!

I also wanted to go visit the grave of my late grandmother, Katherine Wright Hunt who had died several years ago and I wasn't able to go to the funeral.

I saw Mimi right before she died while she was still in her nursing home.

Ocean walk with Papa
in Pascagoula, MS.

I was pregnant and didn't really know it and wish I could have known for sure so I could have told her.

My Mimi, Katherine, was my personal version of southern royalty being Miss Mississippi and runner up for Miss America in 1949 (hence the crown on her grave marker).

Brynlee and her random diva'ish ways remind me so much of things I know Mimi would get just an absolute kick out of. I am not sure I've ever thought of Mimi so much until I had Brynlee and watched her antics. I just know Katherine would have had an absolute riot hearing and seeing Brynlee. 

I actually think she just taught her a few diva tricks in heaven before B made her way on down, especially trying to sneak out of the house wearing my "glass slippers."

Boat ride from Dauphin Island on
our way to Destin, FL.

Whenever Mimi would visit, she'd bring me a goodie bag of those little Clinique and Estee Lauder perfume sample bottles, nail polishes, and lip sticks and I'd hang onto them like they were gold. It makes my heart just so happy when B helps me open my Sephora box and discovers all my free samples, it's like Christmas time year around for her, walking around with her perfume samples and lipsticks in the little goodie bags they send them in. 

That was Mimi and I to a "t" and I think of her every time a Sephora box comes to my doorstep. 

Hooray beach!
Destin, FL

Hanging out with Aunt Liz was fantastic and full of ocean walks, local seafood restaurants (including Scranton's where they carry some of our former family restaurant dishes on the menu!), and a lot of late night chats with my aunt that were long overdue.

B and I took a Mississippi detour going to Destin, FL with my parents which, of course, included taking our car onto a boat and playing with seagulls!

We spent several days at my aunt and uncle's condo which was right on the beach front. The condo was already stocked full of beach toys, chairs, and even bikes for us to ride around town in.

Riding bikes with Papa,
Destin, FL.

Dad went out and rented a bike with a kid seat on the back and we rode everywhere and B just loved it. We got lots of beach time, pool time, sun time, and fantastic seafood.

I attempted to conquer my fear of ocean everything by going for a swim on the boogie board until something swam under me and people behind me started commenting about something being in the water "over there."

Papa and Nana beach time,
Destin, FL. 

Against all "Shark Week" warnings I turned the heck around and splashed my way out of there and hardly touch the ocean any more than up to the ankles for the rest of the trip!

Heading back to NC after these trips felt great, and I rarely say that, haha.

Being home was where we needed to be after a month in the air/on the road.

My plot for getting Brynlee into swim lessons on Ft. Bragg fell through leaving me with three weeks of time to pass before John's class in Missouri was over. 

First dentist trip!

So in the mean time, Brynlee had her very first dentist appointment and did SO great. Sorry to the new Dr. Aaron Buchanan, DDS of the family, but I hate the dentist. I could scrub my mouth all day long and it won't matter, there's always something wrong with my teeth. Making an appointment for B was something I knew was right to do but wasn't looking forward to following through on it, more for my own sake than hers! 

But wouldn't you know it, as almost everything else, Brynlee did fabulous. 

They even did a cleaning and she was seriously better at being still and compliant than I ever am! 

The dentist's actual office is a former firehouse and they kept all the architecture like so--it's a little kids dream come true!

They had tv's above the chairs so she got to watch Spongebob (so glad she didn't like it and asked them to change the channel, haha!) and got to wear cool sunglasses while they did their thing, and with being such a good girl she got a special coin to spend on a prize at the end of her visit. 

I wish adult dentist offices were as cool as this one! 

As close to chickens
as she would get!

Despite dentist shenanigans, once getting back home to NC it took only about a week for B and I to be 100% sick of each other and ready for some adventure again.

The Hendrixson family, as always, pulled through for me keeping B entertained and me sane, but I got the itch to get on the road again.

I decided to pass some time by venturing out to the farmlands outside of Louisburg, NC for a long overdue visit with another one of my dearest mommy friends, Katie Jensen and her three beautiful babies at her parent's farm. 

Brynlee, Paige, Allie, and Taylor!

This young mother has been handed a wretched deck of cards and I'm so taken aback, daily, by her grace, maturity, patience, resiliency, you name it...I'm in awe of her as a human and as a mother. 

I was also so excited to take Brynlee to an actual farm because of all the memories I have going to visit my GG at Headquarters and Graceland's Ranch. 

I was excited for the air, the animals, the freedom from time, all of it, and boy was it a HOT day!

We now know B is terrified of chickens and pigs, won't go near horses, and I think because of all that drama, would also not go near the dog unless being held.

Southern sandbox lovin.

On the upside she got tons of sun and fresh air, ran her little booty off keeping up with the older Jensen girls, got to dress up, eat popsicles, and got to splash around in the pool and dig around in their sandbox (until the chickens wandered over looking for food). Before heading back to town we sat down for one last dinner, breakfast for dinner, of farm fresh scrambled and fried eggs and bacon. Spoiled. 

By that weekend John had graduated his class and was on the long drive back home to NC. 

Now the real work has begun. 

The move overseas is coming so fast and I constantly feel one step behind with what it all entails, but am having faith that things will work out the way they are meant too and am totally ready to take on the challenges I KNOW it's going to bring. 

SSG Christian at ALC,
Fort Leonardwood, MO.

Within the first week of John being home from Missouri we attended a PCS brief (PCS: Permanent change of station) where we learned everything we need to do to get the movers scheduled and in the books.

The first round of movers are scheduled August 18th and I swear it feels like it's tomorrow. 

The more formal information I get about how things work the more at ease I feel, but there are still a lot of things to get done before getting on that plane (which technically I don't even know when it's leaving yet! Aauugghh!!).

Be prepared for a near future post/rant of all my insecurities and anxieties about this move. Typing out my feelings to you is the best way I know to get them out! 

Until then, the yellow star is where we are going to be! 

                                   

We have an announcement!!!

AAAANNNDDDD....... it's not what you think....
No, I'm not pregnant.
But we've got super cool news just the same!

Have you heard the saying that to see God's sense of humor, tell Him your plans?
You know those moments when you think things are headed in a good direction, life is good, comfortable, no foreseeable changes in the near future that would deter you from where you are headed, etc...??
If you are military or have any experience with it, you know that's asking for trouble....there is no such thing as a free clear path or direction.

In the last post I wrote about all our excitement, fears, apprehensions about John getting out of the Army and going back to school.
Yeah, well, about that......plans change?

So, with all that out of the way, we are moving to Europe!
Yup, no typo.

While we were focused on compiling college transcripts and rewriting resumes, getting ready for "the big change,"
John came down on orders, family accompanied, to Baumholder, Germany for a three year minimum tour.

Holy cow.
Wha?!?!?

When John first joined the Army, one of the things people warned me about over and over, is how often we'd move.
Aaannndddd......we never have (the move to CO during his deployment was voluntary, so on our dime, not military sponsored).
We've been at Ft. Bragg since John joined back in 2006 and besides deployments, we have never been stationed anywhere else.
We've begged to move.
Especially before Brynlee was born, we seriously begged to move anywhere, just cause we wanted to see other places, people, and cultures.
We even begged to be sent overseas since we had no children and nothing tying us down.
The answer we always got was either watching our friends be sent off to a new locale or John coming down on orders for deployment after deployment, now totaling three, the shortest deployment being a year.

Bogus.

After this third deployment, with no indication of getting an opportunity to go anywhere else or do anything else, we opted to take control and set our own change of pace by John getting out of the Army, moving back to Colorado to be close to both our families, with me going back to work while John finished his degree.
So we went through all the steps to go about this transition, even John getting offered the Commander's Scholarship with the option to come back and rejoin the Army after he got his degree as an Officer.
Things were looking good and we were all but 100% confident in what we were doing and where we were headed...

Then John called me one morning.
That alone was a red flag because during the work day, he never calls unless something is going on.

When he told me the news I didn't know what to think.
My main thought was, NOW?!
Why NOW?!
After all these years of us begging to be moved, never moving, so now we have a child and are choosing  to get out of the Army and THIS!?
Then I immediately went to the computer and Google mapped Baumholder, trying to recollect my geography studies of 7th grade (shout out to Mr. Lee!), and piece together what this news really meant.

Not only does it mean reenlistment for the next 36+ months, but it also meant only a four hour drive to Paris, France.
Marriage retreats to Edelweiss?
Prearranged weekend getaways to go skiing in the Alps?
Hmmm......
Yup, sign me up.

Then came all the fears.
Taking my kid overseas? What does that even mean?
What about the cats we left in Colorado?
Car?
Would I get to work if I wanted too?
What about my career?
I don't know ANY German.
We were talking about having another baby in the near future to complete our family, so now what, have a kid in Germany?
I don't know anyone there, what about my friends?!
Probably usual concerns anyone would have when moving, but totally amplified by the fact that I've never had to do this before AND because my Bragg buddies and family would be on the other side of the world from me and for once I would literally have to figure out everything on my own.
Maybe this was time to see if I could do it?
Make new friends on my own.....
Break away from the comfort of my friends and family that have sacrificed so much to support me and our little family...
I can do this.
It might not be great all the time, but I can do this!

Never mind a chance in a lifetime to see the world and also expose my child to places and cultures I would probably never be able to show her otherwise.

What's been interesting about this whole situation is that just because we got the orders, for once, it doesn't mean we have to take them. Usually when military families come down on these orders, they don't have a choice, you go where you are told.
Because we were already in the process of getting out it set us up to be perfectly capable of following through with those intentions without any consequence to John's military career.
But man, would we ever get a chance to do this again?
Would we regret it if we didn't do this?

Ultimately, yes.

Proof that blessings come in spades, the same week we came down on these orders, a family we had become friends with during deployment #2, moved back to the US from Germany and we've been totally picking their brains ever since.
Like, hardcore, poor people.
Bless them.
It was so strange how this conundrum kept creeping its head into our world.
We hadn't even told our families about this opportunity yet and we kept running into complete strangers that, through conversation, had been stationed there, lived there, been born there and not a single one had anything negative to say about it.
Not a thing.

After lots of talking, praying, talking, praying, confiding, talking, praying...repeat.
We decided that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and even if John did finish his degree and go back into the Army, we would not be guaranteed an opportunity like this again.

 So, on Wednesday, March 12th, Brynlee and I drudged out in the rain to the 42nd K9 Kennels and watched SSGT Christian, reenlist into the US Army for another three years and some change.

We are officially going to Europe!
We're so scared.
We're excited.
We're blessed.
We're cautiously optimistic.

We were given the choice to live on or off post and have opted to live on post so we can get our bearings among "our own people" before we venture out into the local economy.
We moved into an apartment here in NC in preparation to move back to Colorado, knowing it was totally temporary until the move.
This is the first time I've ever lived in an apartment, and the first time since college I've had to deal with "wall sharing" neighbors.
But the on post housing at Baumholder is apartment style housing meaning, things really won't be any different than what we're already living in now.
Funny how things work out, huh?

As of right now, John will have to report to Germany in early September and hopefully B and I will be close behind (yes, I'll somehow have to get me, a 2.5 year old and two cats to Europe by myself, sigh....)
As excited as we are for this opportunity and what it brings we ask that you continue to keep our little family in your thoughts and prayers as well as our extended family.
It's bringing a lot of changes to us but also to grandparents, aunts, uncles, GREAT aunts and great uncles, cousins especially, who are going to be missing their Brynlee-baby terribly.

Stay tuned for more details as they come.
We're excited for this adventure to begin and are excited for the opportunity for our family to take on this challenge the THREE of us.

Europe, here we come!

The End 2013

**Confession: I wrote this at the new year and forgot to post it, oops!**

SO.

Last time I wrote was a LONG time ago.

Over two MONTHS to be exact!

So much has happened over these last two months it's going to be hard to narrow it down to keep from writing a book, so here's a long story written as short as possible:

First thing to bring up that sets a precedent for all that follows from here on out is that John joined the Army in 2006 and since has done three deployments, the shortest one being a year. He's been gone for easily the majority of our marriage, was gone for well over half my pregnancy, thankfully was there for her birth, but then was gone for thirteen months out of her first year and a half of life.

This doesn't include the endless list of schools, mostly out of state, and field training that all soldiers do.

With lots of really long and hard conversations, prayer, and seeking lots of council, John has decided that his career with active duty Army is going to be put on hiatus for now and is planning on finishing out his time with this current contract and going back to finish school and complete his degree. There is still a lot to be determined, the main thing we are figuring out is whether to go back IN once he's finished. As much as we've not loved everything we've done through the Army it has its perks and one we're fearful of letting go. The best part of this situation is we've been blessed with lots of options as far as what the future holds and that is a GREAT problem to have. We'll keep you up to date on what we are working through as it comes!

This current contract ends in December of 2014, so with it coming time to move back to Fort Bragg, we made our plans to be what we consider a temporary set up until this contract is over and we move on to new things.

With that came, where do we live for just the year?

We are so blessed to have friends that still live in the area that were willing to be our "boots on the ground."

Stephanie, along with her three kiddos, went and toured different properties I sent her information too, helping us figure out our plans.

We decided since our situation is a temporary set up that we were going to rent an apartment for a year leaving a lot of our things in storage.

Steph sold us on a brand new apartment community in the town of Spring Lake, which is a Fayetteville suburb, and we couldn't be happier. It's close to her (haha) and it's much closer to John's work than we were before, so there are a lot of wins!

Homecoming at DIA.

John, along with more of our friends still here at Bragg, helped get our entire house out of storage and moved into our new place and on sight storage.

The government shutdown postponed John's leave to get to Colorado some, but finally things got pushed through, and John arrived at DIA with Brynlee, grandma, and I to meet him on October 21st.

Our reunion at the airport was seriously so beautiful.

We kept talking to Brynlee about seeing daddy, but how can you gage what a 20 month old can truly understand?!

Finally daddy walked out of the terminal and she reached right to him and gave him the biggest and longest hug I have ever seen her give to this day. She just laid there on his chest, easily for 3-4 minutes just not even moving, just resting there and letting us all get super emotional-not expecting this action from her at all.

We were finally a family again and it has been awesome.

We spent just short of a week in Colorado Springs making the rounds and saying our goodbyes. It was definitely bittersweet.

I can't tell you how blessed we feel to have so many people in our corner as we venture through this chapter of life and what is coming in the future. Thanks to all of you there, here, and even from a distance that have loved us, supported us, and been so generous to us. We appreciate it more than words can describe and thank God everyday for your relationship with our family!

Headed to NC!

My dad and John, along with a Penske and a tow, drove the horribly long distance from Colorado Springs to Spring Lake, with my mom, me, and Brynlee flying along to meet up with them a few days later. We couldn't have made the trip to NC more hectic by deciding to fit a trip into DC along with my parents while they were with us!

We spent our Halloween on the road, a 5 hour drive to DC, and got there in time to do a little sight seeing before passing out from sheer exhaustion of moving and traveling during the week! 

We had a really awesome weekend in DC.

John and dad had never been, so mom and I had fun (hopefully they did too) dragging them around to all the sights. 

Arlington, DC

Granted, with a 21 month old, tolerance was limited at times, thank goodness for the metro and shuttles to and from the hotel! 

Brynlee was such a champ though.

We know she has no clue what all she was seeing but giving her the opportunity to experience other places is something that is really important to us, so even if it's looking back at pictures and seeing all the things we've experienced as a family, that's a win to me!

I have to say riding roof top on the shuttles were probably her favorite, but she was also quite the trooper when it came to walking around Arlington and also along the memorial walls. 

We were there at the very end of the fall peak of colors, so it was beautiful. 

Beat the turning aspens of CO if you ask me! 

My parents flew back to CO from DC and we made the trip back to NC just the three of us back to our still boxed up new home. As I mentioned before, John took the full 30 days of leave that was available and we used that time to just do everything and nothing all at the same time.

It was really awesome getting to rediscover our house again.

Things I knew I missed and things I didn't realize I missed, and even things I've learned I could go without. Not having your house for a year can really make you prioritize way differently than not, so it was actually a very enlightening experience!

We unpacked and set up enough to be able to call our apartment home, but keeping enough packed away knowing it's going to be moved again within the year. 

Thanksgiving 2013

Our main focus was making B's room her "place" again and also making sure the whole living space was functional for all, even though child toys still dominate the whole house.

We celebrated our first family Thanksgiving with the Hendrixson's who have been ever so gracious to opening their house up to us on so many occasions.

Steph and I had been plotting our Thanksgiving feast for a while, so it was actually really exciting to finally get to execute. Steve, her husband, had just finished a year long TCS to Korea and moved home in time for their third baby to be born. This Thanksgiving held a lot of firsts for their family too, so it was fun for us all to soak it all in together!

Christmas 2013

Obviously in December we celebrated our family's first Christmas which was seriously really exciting. However I'm not sure who was more excited, B or John.

Watching the both of them celebrate this holiday together was so special-from cookie decorating, playing with Baby Jesus, to Christmas Day itself, it was fun to be the background

"worker" watching them experience all these father-daughter firsts together.

The weekend after Christmas I left John and B alone together for the first time while I flew out to Kansas for my dear friend, Kristen Cook/Miller's, wedding. Honest truth, I wasn't nervous for Brynlee, I was nervous for John. I knew she'd be fine, haha. 

New Mrs. Miller!

By their lack of communication I just kind of forgot about them and enjoyed the weekends festivities and when I got home they were both still alive and even had dinner on the table, so obviously they BOTH survived just fine without me. I got some great mommy hugs though, which made it all ok. :)

New Year's was pretty uneventful, we're old, we've accepted that.

Here we are in January 2014, a week from B's second birthday and we are often intimidated by the long year we are headed into. We know we are in for some things that are very uncertain and honestly scary. We feel very optimistic in what is ahead but are not 100% sure how it's all going to happen and how it's all going to pan out.

On the flip side we know we have a slew of amazing friends and family that not just support us but have helped us in so many ways, unconditionally, and we are already so grateful for the prayers and support we've already received as we venture into this new chapter.

Updates to come as things get figured out!

So the good news is....

John is home in the states! As of last Sunday evening, October 6th, John arrived back at Ft. Bragg, NC from his year long deployment to Afghanistan.
He did it! Hooray!
Getting to this point was not an easy one, unfortunately.
We've stayed pretty mum, up to this point, on a lot of the "coming home" drama, because as usual, the information and status of things changed daily--sometimes hourly.
The few weeks prior to his trek home he was told his LOR papers (letter of release from Afghanistan) was misplaced/lost and until it was found/reproduced he was going to have to stay in country.
For a week or two, it wasn't that big of a deal per se.

The trek home for most deployed soldiers, especially in active war zone countries, are typically very complicated, making stops for sometimes days in other foreign countries waiting for your connecting flight to make it back to the states.
Usually that entails your flight out of said war zone country, to Kuwait where you sit and wait until a flight is available and there are no sand storms postponing those who got there before you. After that it's a free for all which country you'll fly to on the way home (John's done Iceland and Ireland on deployment #1 and #2) and sometimes not even sure what US state you are going to fly into until you are boarding your designated flight!

Proof of life from Stephanie Hendrixson! :)

Another unfortunate part to this process is the communication back home to us is practically nothing while in transit, so you usually never know when they are on the move or sometimes even when they are on their way!

I knew John said he "should be" on his way out of at least Afghanistan that first weekend of October, but with the missing paperwork I wasn't getting my hopes up, there hadn't been any resolution that I had heard about to that point...
So you can imagine my shock when I get a phone call (yes, that's a BIG DEAL) from him a couple days later saying "I'm in Texas," about to board his flight back to ole NC.
I had no clue he'd even left Afghanistan and now he was state side, what!?
This is the most out of the loop I've been out of all the deployments, so sharing the news with family was almost awkward, like I'd been holding out on them or something!
He landed at Ft. Bragg the evening of October 6th and crashed with our long time friends, the Hendrixson's.

This is where things get complicated and completely frustrating.
On October 1st, the US government went into shut down mode, leaving most of us wondering if we were even going to get a paycheck.
What most people don't remember is that this isn't a new situation for us as military.
Our paycheck's being "held" has happened before.
It's not something you are truly prepared for, even if you know it's coming, and it always seems to happen at completely horrible/inconvenient times (is there a really good/convenient time? Not really, but ya know...).
Fortunately, for at least us active duty families, our paychecks have NOT been withheld, for now.
However, with this round of government shut down came the furlough of nonessential personnel at US bases around the world and that is where things halted for us personally.

After a deployment a soldier must go through extensive psychological and physical checks and exams before they are "released" back among their families and you.
The people that conduct these post deployment exams/checks were considered "non essential personnel" leaving soldiers who just came home, without access to the essential exams/checks needed to get their post deployment leave to be with their families AKA: they have to go into work the next day and resume business as normal until told different.

What this meant for us:
John is in NC.
Brynlee and I are in CO.
John is home, but not home with us...so really, it doesn't count.
Total days away from us, except his two week mid tour leave in May, totals 377 days as of October 6th, when he arrived in NC.
We're depending on his leave/time off for him to come to CO to help us move back to NC to be a family again.

So, what to do?
THAT was the question that I sat here trying to figure out.
Do I try to move Brynlee and I myself?
Do we just forget about his leave and just go to him?
Do I hire someone to do this for me?

It really amazes me that when you find yourself in the most twisted/helpless of situations that God can really show through and show who is really in control.
Within two days of John being "back at work," the furloughed personnel that conduct these exams were sent back to work (without pay) and John was able to make his exam appointments to finally get his leave granted to him (like he hadn't earned it yet or something?).
We officially bought a plane ticket yesterday for him to finally come to Colorado on October 21st.
Although that still feels like a world away from now, I think after all this, we can get through one more week!

John with Patterson and his family.
They had a "Welcome Home"
dinner for him, so blessed!

John also surprised me with instead of taking the "usual" two weeks of post deployment leave, he's going to take the maximum of 30 days off so we can not only move, but truly live together as a family for a while before we establish our new family life/routine.
Maybe even go on a family vacation...who knows. ;)

We're so blessed to have such a supportive group of family and friends here in CO, that one more week with out daddy, although not ideal, is totally doable.
We're also blessed with our friends, we call family, back in NC that are such a huge support system especially while John is there readjusting.
One thing I have learned while being married to the military is that the relationships you invest in while living this lifestyle, they really can be invaluable and forever.
I could go on forever about the benefits and blessings I've been given by having some of the most patient, selfless, understanding, and flexible friends and families there that have made our time at Bragg bearable and makes me excited to go back, even if it means leaving our "real" family.

Here's to the last week of "missing daddy"-dom. We can do this!

In the home stretch...

So, considering midtour leave was three months ago, I should probably quit writing about it. ;)
Our focus is elsewhere nowadays.
Since then I've finished another semester of school, Brynlee is walking, we've had several long overdue friend reunions, some major garage sale scores, summer fire disasters, Mt Rushmore on the 4th of July, and more outings and activities than I care to admit.

After John left us and went back to his beloved Denzel in Afghanistan, life got back to what we call "normal."
On Memorial Day my parents and I hosted a BBQ and were in the scurry of things getting things cooked and cleaned for people to arrive. I was sitting on the couch for a couple minutes with B sitting in her little chair next to me....As I sat there she stood up and just straight walked out of the room. That's how Brynlee walked for the first time.
It was pretty epic.
The girl went from standing and never walking to pretty much running and hasn't looked back since.

In November I got to go to my 5 year college reunion in OK.
Fittingly, in May I got to attend my 10 year high school reunion here in town with a great myriad of friends, some I hadn't seen since we walked the stage.
We had a fantastic time, however this reunion was very bittersweet as our beloved Wasson High School was voted to be closed down after the 2013 high school year due to city budget cuts.
Before it closed I also got to go by the campus for one of my favorite and most influential teachers, Mrs. Tabet's, retirement party at the auditorium. After saying our hellos and seeing even more friends from "back in the day," I walked Brynlee through the halls of the high school telling her, "this is where we ate lunch," "this is where mommy got detention for being late to class..." "this is where daddy and mommy met."
I never got emotional about the school closing until I was actually there and started talking to her about
Sigh.
It got SUPER emotional in those moments.
I wouldn't have this baby or this life it weren't for that school.
Good times, good friends, good memories. RIP.

In June I finally didn't feel so helplessly far away from home in getting to experience the Black Forest Fire. Although my family lives a good 5-10 miles from the fire site, it still hit home with how many people we knew who were effected. Our neighborhood was never evacuated but definitely smelled like a camp site and was hazed over a lot of the time. I am not sure being here made it any better than being away last summer during the Waldo Canyon Fire. Although the fire is out and the sifting and saving has begun, we're still dealing with the repercussions of Waldo with significant flooding, almost daily of our highways and interstates to the point where people are dying and more homes are being destroyed because of LACK of trees and foliage.
Keep our state in your thoughts and prayers.
People are rebuilding and putting their lives back together, with all of us knowing that it could start all over again anytime.

June did have it's good times though.
My brother graduated college this last May from Evangel University, moved back home, and just got his first post school job working for T Rowe Price here in Colorado Springs.
We had a belated graduation party for him to celebrate.
It's so weird to see my little "big" brother all grown and an adult now.
Aauugghh!!
The best part of having him home for me is watching him be an uncle to B!
They have such a neat relationship where sometimes hanging out with him is the only thing that will get her to mellow out. He's so patient with her and I'm so blessed to have him in her (our) life.

Speaking of blessings, obviously our Father's Day wasn't typical, so we made it a Papa's day and took Papa fishing at Manitou Lake. This was B's first fishing trip and she was kind of a crank, but between my mom and I, he got some fishing done and we had fun hiking and walking around.
Definitely missed her daddy though!

My dad's oldest sister, Anna, made the trip to Colorado from California for some quality time with all of us. I loved getting to introduce her to Brynlee and still have Aunt Liz to meet her before I'm pretty sure she's met everyone! We are so blessed to have so many friends and family members genuinely vested and interested in being a part of my daughter's life.




For the 4th of July we ventured out for not only our first family trip in years but also with a baby in tow. When I was a kid we had planned a family trip to Mt. Rushmore that didn't end up working out thanks to Sturgis Bike week and we never re-planned it after all these years!
So now with me here and Drew done with college, we weren't sure of another time we could all go on a family trip together, so we were determined to make this work.
Surprisingly enough, Brynlee did AMAZING.
Even more surprisingly she didn't nap the entire way there (it's a little over a 5 hour drive), falling asleep literally within minutes of getting into town.
Apparently Mt. Rushmore is a popular place to go to for the 4th, so we couldn't get into the park. We parked on the side of the road with everyone else and watched the mountain light up in the distance.
We spent the next day at Bear Country USA looking at all the wild animals, then going back to the park and touring/hiking Mt. Rushmore.
It's seriously such a neat place to go, I would suggest it to anyone who enjoys the outdoor patriotic sights! Brynlee even loved walking and hiking around.
We also visited the Crazy Horse Memorial which is still under construction to this day--the history of it was very culturally intriguing.

After our trip I had to deal with one of the hardest issues I've faced during this deployment yet--getting rid of our beloved dog, Hurley.
The move to Colorado was borderline hard on him, moving into a new home, new space, new rules and a mobile baby was just a explosion waiting to happen.
He was constantly on edge, very anxious, among all the usual daily chaos, and the nervousness that grew turned into aggressiveness that I just couldn't deal with anymore. He never bit Brynlee but he did snap at her once when she was falling down and grabbing onto him, and that was the final straw.
To this day I sill harbor some guilt.
I felt selfish for making him move when maybe we should have found him a home in NC where he wouldn't have been as stressed out.
I felt guilty that I couldn't give him the time and attention he needed and deserved.
I actually felt a bit of anger for even being in the situation.
When your husband works with dogs for a living it's a little hard to swallow that you can't control your own house dog!
My brother in law had a friend, single guy (aka: no chaos!) that had his own house and land with even a pond, and was looking for a dog, just to have as a buddy.
He came over and met Hurley and things went so great that I just gave him to him right then and haven't really looked back.
I bawled like a baby that whole weekend and that first week.
I felt like a furry mama failure, but ultimately I knew it was the right thing to do for everyone and looking back on it now (we keep in touch with the guy who now has him) it was the best thing for everyone.
It was that specific sad, bawling weekend where Brynlee picked up the habit of finding Kleenex's and pretended to dab her eyes and blow her nose.
Sigh. My little sensitive soul child.
It's amazing how observant they are, even at this young age.
They seriously watch everything you do!

Onto more happy news, the Christian family added a new member on July 20th, when Jakob Lee Christian was born to my brother and sister in law, Jerrod and Brittany Christian. I got to see him minutes after the birth and was so honored to get to be there with them during this special time.
This baby was hard prayed and fought for, so I know his parents are going to do such a great job raising him. Poor little guy has three "rough'n tumble" girl cousins ahead of him and from what I've seen and been told, it appears so far he can hold his own. ;)
Thanks to cousin Jake, Brynlee is obsessed with babies.
She loves patting his head, stealing his carseat, and trying to force him to take a pacie.
I love the way she pronounces "baby" too,  "bebe."
All her dollies are now "bebes" and she rocks them, pats them, and even tries to feed one a bottle, she'll make such a sweet sister someday....someday.

One of the neatest "reunions" I got to be a part of was when my college gal pal, Laurie flew to Colorado with her daughter, Allie, and we got to meet each other's baby girls!
Laurie was one of my biggest supporters (from afar) when Brynlee was born and I was struggling with this whole new mom thing.
Ironically enough, there's a good chunk of 2007 SNU'ers here in CO, so after a day in Denver where Allie and Brynlee got to play at the Denver Children's Museum, we met back in Colorado Springs, where Dana (Fraley) Atarama and Sarah Beals joined us for a long awaited Panera date, like back in the college days, only this time with our little girls in tow (except for Sarah, she's the glorified auntie and we all LOVE her for it!)!! I'm so blessed to know each of these ladies and I'm so glad I have the opportunity to have them in my and my daughter's life.

This last month alone Brynlee's knowledge and awareness has just exploded. She can point to almost all body parts and pronounce most the "easy" ones.
She loves blowing kisses (even to strangers) and has the Miss America wave down (her gma Mimi would be so proud!).
Here in the last couple weeks Brynlee has become obsessed with the potty, so we're headed in that direction. She knows what the potty is, she knows what it's for and she thinks all of the potties are hers.
Sigh.
She actually threw a legitimate "foot stomping" fit because I used "mine potty!"
She has yet to actually go in it, but she'll occasionally come up to me exclaiming, "Mama, potty!"
We'll go sit on it, sing the ABC's together and then diaper back up. I haven't taken on the task of full blown potty training yet. Part of it is just pure laziness, but the other is that I really wanted to wait until John got home so I'd have some more reinforcements and support in the effort. I'm really tired of doing all these major stepping stones by myself, so I figure here's a great icebreaker for him and her, haha!
In all honesty, I am thinking that for sure by her 2nd birthday she'll be potty trained.
Exciting, liberating, money saving, yet sad at the same time.
Where'd my "bebe" go!?

The most recent "reunion" I got to partake in was of the unique type--a bachelorette party!
My dearest friend Holly from college is getting married and her SNU roommate and my "buddy in freshman year crime," Kelly, was hosting her bachelorette party in Houston. When I got the invite, I never dreamed of going and settled for making the drive to the actual wedding in NM, but Kelly made it happen where I could come for a quick 36 hour "party like a rockstar!" weekend and it was fantastic! ALL of these girls I hadn't seen since college or even later and it was SO neat to reconnect with them and celebrate Holly.
I cannot wait until her wedding next month!

Brynlee is almost 19 months now and I swear she just grows more and more everyday.
We had our 18 month/final photo shoot with the always amazing, Holly Pacione, and Brynlee couldn't have been more perfect.
I think I'm finally finding the positive side of having a camera in her face since birth.
Within the first 5-10 minutes she was just cheesing it up for the camera, putting on such a show.
Blowing kisses, doing her Miss America wave, yelling "Chhheeeeeeeee!!!" (she won't put the 's' on the end, we're still working on it!)
It was the least amount of work I think I've ever had to do during any baby photo session we've done!
She's such a little explorer wanting to touch and see everything and it made for so many great photo ops.
Holly, being the amazing gracious photographer that she is, allowed me to lump in some cousin pictures at the end of our session, so my sis in law's, mother in law, my mom and the three other cousins joined us at Monument Lake for what was the most chaotic part of our photo shoot.
How Holly managed to get ANY good pictures of a seven, two and a half, one and a half, and a four week old baby is beyond me--but she did!

Its the end of August which means October is practically tomorrow.
As of today, we are at 336 days of daddy being gone.
I can sincerely say, I'm not sure how I've done it except through grace and the support of all of you-- friends and family.
That is literally the only way I've gotten through some of these days!
The hard times are far from over.
We still don't know where we are moving back too (need to find a house!).
We still don't know how all our stuff is going to get back to NC...(who wants to drive our stuff in a UHaul to the east coast?? Anyone?? Haha).
We don't know what obstacles we're going to face in making us all get back together again, but changes are coming, and coming fast, and we're literally counting down the days!

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....